Favourite Quotes From Inside Hollywood Magazine (Part One)

I have finally finished reading all 11 issues of Inside Hollywood, the short-lived American publication that lasted just 2 years.  Published every two months, starting in January 1991, the magazine never did find a way to compete in the over-crowded marketplace.  Initially, it focused exclusively on movies.  Then, in 1992, they added music and TV coverage.  It was more than obvious they were trying to be the bi-monthly version of Entertainment Weekly.  It didn’t work.
 
On November 3rd, 1992, the day the 12th issue was supposed to be officially on sale, I went to a local variety store where I usually bought the magazine and was disappointed.  They didn’t have the latest issue.  In fact, no one did.  Without much fanfare, I realized the magazine had ceased to exist.  By that point, I was already big on Entertainment Weekly and much older, more established magazines, so I didn’t consider it a big loss.  Now that I’ve read every issue they ever put out, I fully understand why it didn’t survive. 
 
It was a pretty terrible magazine.  Lots of spelling mistakes, ass-kissy celebrity profiles, incorrect information, too many bad puns, and on and on and on.
 
But on the bright side, I have learned interesting things from going through all these issues.  Previously, I posted some of the things I learned from reading Inside Hollywood.  This time, I want to share with you some quotes that caught my eye.  Here we go:
 
“Sure, it’s great to know someday I will be able to say to my children or grandchildren, ‘Yes, that was Gramma when she was a young broad!'”
 
(Paige O’Hara, the voice of Belle, on doing Beauty And The Beast from the September/October 1992 issue)
 
“I just couldn’t turn it off.  I couldn’t find the ‘off’ button.  I couldn’t do anything without drugs.  I couldn’t go out the door unless I’d taken three Percodans, smoked three joints and drank an entire bottle of Jack Daniels.  That was just to get out of the door.”
 
(Charlie Sheen on his past drug addictions from the same issue)
 
“He was an excellent student.  I wasn’t.  And he became a movie star long before I did, so there was some real professional rivalry there that wasn’t always pretty.
 
(Charlie Sheen talking about his brother, Emilio Estevez, also from Sept/Oct ’92)
 
“I slid in.  I hadn’t slept for a couple of days.  I was dripping with gold jewelry and a loud jacket and a Dick Tracy hat.  When I watch the TV interviews I did at the time, I think, ‘Who’s that kid dressed like a pimp?’  I was so bloated I looked like Jabba The Hut in Star Wars.  I was really out of my mind, mumbling incoherently, spouting gibberish during the interviews.”
 
(Charlie Sheen on doing press in 1990 for his movie Navy Seals, same issue)
 
“I had to do a shower scene with her in Magnum–and it wasn’t just the water that was hot!”
 
(Tom Selleck on working with Sharon Stone on Magnum P.I., same issue)
 
“She’s such a silly girl.  I wish she’d keep her mouth shut, and just act and look beautiful.”
 
(fashion designer Bob Mackie on Sean Young in the July/August 1992 issue)
 
“I was up to my ass in Smurfs.”
 
(costume designer Ted Shell (Star Trek 2, Hook, Batman Returns) on designing 100 Smurf outfits for the Ice Capades, his first client after starting his own business, Ted Shell Designs, in 1980, from the July/August 1992 issue)
 
“It was like working for the phone company.  Very isolated.  One person painted on an eyebrow, another person painted a nose.  It was assembly line work.”
 
(Ted Shell on working at Disneyland from the same issue)
 
“Oliver Stone said he wanted it to look like a giant snake rearing its head and ready to attack.  If you print this, it’ll ruin me in Hollywood.”
 
(A laughing Ted Shell describing the director’s specifications for Jim Morrison’s prosthetic penis in The Doors from the same issue)
 
“Hollywood is so weird.  They wouldn’t hire me after Immediate Family because they thought I was fat, ugly and fifteen.  At least that’s what I heard.  They may have thought I had no sexuality because I hadn’t played the parts of bimbos or what a man’s idea of the perfect woman is.  There is either the perfect slut, the perfect mother, the perfect wife, or all these perfect archetypes, and most of the time they are not three-dimensional.”
 
(Mary Stuart Masterson in the May/June 1992 issue)
 
“Atilla The Hun would be a relief after Bette.  If I had known what I was getting into, I wouldn’t have done the film.  Her method of working makes a root canal seem like a pleasure.”
 
(Ken Wahl (Wiseguy) on working with Bette Midler on the movie, Jinxed, from an article about Bette in the May/June 1992 issue)
 
“I’ve always said we got married because there was nothing on TV.”
 
(Bette Midler on her marriage to Martin Von Haselberg, same article, same issue)
 
“Not a day goes by that I don’t see the faces of those people at the baths and realize they’re all dead now.  I lost everybody.  EVERYBODY.  I lost my best friend, who was also my partner.  He directed all my concerts.”
 
(Midler on losing friends and work colleagues, which also included her hairdresser and gag writer, from the gay bathhouses she used to perform at in the early 1970s to AIDS, from the same article in the same issue)
 
“When I married you, you had a job.”
 
(Midler to her husband after he quit his job working in commodities due to unbearable stress)
 
“It’s not easy finding female roles that aren’t written as bimbos or adjuncts to the male stars, and I’d rather stay home in New York with [then-husband] Gabriel [Byrne] and my son…than do boring trash.  It’s that simple.”
 
(Ellen Barkin from the Sept/Oct 1992 issue)
 
“What did you learn from L’Affaire Julia?”
“Referring to it in French isn’t going to make me open up any more.”
“OK, what did you learn from being dumped by Julia Roberts a few steps from the altar?”
“I think I liked the French version better.”
 
(Testy exchange between IH interviewer Frank Sanello and Kiefer Sutherland on his relationship with Julia Roberts in the Sept/Oct 1992 issue.  For the record, Sutherland says the break-up “was mutual”.)
 
Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Saturday, September 23, 2006
3:28 p.m.
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Published in: on September 23, 2006 at 3:33 pm  Leave a Comment  

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