Unanswered Questions Of The Year (2006)

A change of pace for this next year-in-review piece.  I present to you a series of questions that defy answers.
 
1. When did rebounds become “big” and “juicy”?
 
2. Could France have won their second World Cup had Zinedine Zidane not been red-carded for his infamous head butt?
 
3. Could The Edmonton Oilers have won their sixth Stanley Cup were it not for goaltender Dwayne Roloson’s unfortunate injury in Game 1 of the final series?
 
4. If Ty Conklin hadn’t misplayed the puck behind the net in that same game, would he still be a back-up goalie for the Oilers?
 
5. Why did defenceman Chris Pronger bail on the Oilers and not honour his multi-million, multi-year deal?
 
6. Why wasn’t RCMP Commissioner Guiliano Zaccardelli fired years ago for his two other big screw-ups?
 
7. Does TSN ice-level colour commentator Pierre Maguire get paid by the word?
 
8. Why doesn’t Britney Spears stay home and raise her children?
 
9. Where is Jimmy Hoffa really buried?
 
10. Why has Sun Media been so quiet about all the behind-the-scenes upheaval happening at all its newspapers?
 
11. Why won’t Prince allow Weird Al Yankovic to parody his songs?
 
12. Can Rowdy Roddy Piper survive cancer?
 
13. Why hasn’t anyone bought a book from my Amazon book list?
 
14. Why is Danko Jones bigger in Europe than in his home country, Canada?
 
15. Why did Stephen Dorff think it was a good idea to threaten Steve O?
 
16. Why aren’t The Strokes bigger stars?
 
17. When is Chinese Democracy really coming out?
 
18. How come YouTube hasn’t been bankrupted by lawsuits?
 
19. Why does Rachel Marsden still have a job with The Toronto Sun?
 
20. Why hasn’t Bill O’Reilly been institutionalized?
 
21. When will the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan be over?
 
22. What convinced Toronto Sun columnist Lorrie Goldstein that Ann Coulter was ever serious?
 
23. Why don’t liberals sue conservatives who libel and slander them?
 
24. If Hillary Clinton is serious about running for President in 2008, why did she run for the Senate in 2006?
 
25. Why can’t we do a better job of fixing New Orleans?
 
26. Why don’t newspapers apologize more for getting things wrong?
 
27. How did we let the media become corrupted by conservative partisans?
 
28. How long will it be before producers of live programming lose the 7-second delay?
 
29. Why are there so many closted gay people in The Republican Party?
 
30. Why are we still arguing about abortion?
 
31. Why is Prime Minister Stephen Harper so secretive?
 
32. Who keeps poisoning Russian spies and why?
 
33. Why hasn’t anyone been thrown in jail for outing undercover CIA Agent Valerie Plame?
 
34. Why are we torturing terrorist suspects when it’s not making us safer?
 
35. Why aren’t people angrier about the malfeasance of their governments?
 
36. Why did Tucker Carlson think it was a good idea to appear on Dancing With The Stars?
 
37. Why does Hulk Hogan treat his daughter differently than his son?
 
38. Why doesn’t Toronto Sun TV Critic Bill Brioux rip into Sun Media and Sun TV in his print column since he has nothing to lose now?
 
39. Why does Warren Kinsella think movies are “kind of stupid”?
 
40. What will it take to get Iggy Pop’s solo work honoured at The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame?
 
41. Why isn’t goat’s milk more popular?
 
42. Why do David Frum and Tom Friedman not take any responsibility for their Iraq War cheerleading?
 
43. What happened to The Toronto Star?
 
44. Why does the CRTC and the FCC still exist?
 
45. Where are the brave politicians who are willing to end the drug war?
 
46. Why are movie tickets so expensive?
 
47. Why are all the good ones taken?
 
48. Why can’t Republicans and Democrats get along?
 
49. How come Opie & Anthony still have careers?
 
50. Where have all the flowers gone?
 
Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Thursday, December 7, 2006
4:50 p.m. 
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