2007 Golden Globes Observations

The Golden Globes are easily the most pointless awards ever created.  I’ve had bowling trophies that were more prestigious.
 
And that’s exactly what it is.  A glorified bowling banquet where the beautiful people gather together to ignore presentations & uncomfortably long-winded speeches, and revel in their collective drunkenness.
 
I remember a time when it was so disrespected you couldn’t see the annual broadcast on network television.  (For years, the program aired on TBS, Ted Turner’s “Superstation” based out of his native Atlanta.)
 
But in recent times, the show has been aired on NBC (like tonight’s broadcast) and therefore, its profile has been unjustifiably raised.  People are absolutely serious when they say these particular awards foreshadow the next Oscar winners.  If that were true, how come Jim Carrey hasn’t won an Oscar or even earned a nomination?  (He’s won 3 Golden Globes.)   
 
In the 1990s, I remember being incredibly annoyed that I couldn’t see the show live here in Canada.  Now I wish it would simply go away.
 
But, as always, there are memorable moments, usually comedic ones, from the annual telecast. 
 
Justin Timberlake presented the second award of the evening for Best Original Song.  Prince won for the track he wrote and performed for the popular Happy Feet movie.  He wasn’t in attendance at the time the award was being handed out.  After an awkward moment where he waited patiently for the winner to come up on stage in order to accept his prize and make a forgettable speech, Timberlake accepted the award on Prince’s behalf by squatting a little (beautifully mocking the Minnesota native’s diminutive stature) so it looked like he could barely reach the mic.  Here’s hoping he doesn’t pussy out again and apologize.  Be a man, Justin.  It was a funny bit.  Stand by it.
 
It turned out Prince wasn’t snubbing the Golden Globes.  He was stuck in traffic.  Later on in the broadcast, Hugh Grant pointed him out just before he co-presented an award but thankfully Prince didn’t have to say anything.  He’s a better musician than he is public speaker.
 
When Sacha Baron Cohen, who curiously didn’t appear as Borat, won the Best Actor In A Comedy Or Musical award he singled out his enormous co-star from the movie of the same name.  I haven’t seen the movie but apparently there’s a naked wrestling match that occurs between these two and Cohen made some humourous remarks about how unpleasant it was to be subjected to the big man’s “golden globes” and how he couldn’t help but catch a whiff of something all of us have been lucky not to experience for ourselves.  The director constantly cut between shots of Cohen, his Coke drinking co-star and lots of amused celebrities.  It’s a moment not likely to be repeated at the forthcoming Academy Awards.  It’s too bad because the show could use a funny moment like that.
 
When he accepted his award for Best Actor In A Drama, Forest Whitaker made some of the weirdest wheezing noises I’ve ever heard.  I admire him greatly as an actor but his acceptance speech was so painful to watch.  It just went on and on.  If he wins the Oscar for Best Actor, here’s hoping he’s better prepared next time.  If he thought winning a bowling trophy was overwhelming, well, if he does win the Oscar, let’s hope he keeps it together and gets his thank yous out a lot quicker.
 
Dustin Hoffman may need walking lessons after a bizarre stumble just before doing his bit at the awards show.  He quickly recovered and noted that, during the montage of Warren Beatty film moments, the Ishtar clip lasted “0.5 seconds”.  He then quipped that Ishtar II was a go.
 
Tom Hanks had some funny moments during his tribute to Beatty who won the Cecil B. DeMille Award for lifetime achievement.  He was obsessed with Beatty’s “balls” which he explained repeatedly meant his “artistic vision”.  He goofed on how old he is and his slutty reputation.  He marvelled at how Beatty was able to get a capitalist movie company to bankroll a film about Soviet Communism (the Oscar-winning Reds).
 
During all that, I couldn’t help but think about Julia Phillips’ book, You’ll Never Eat Lunch In This Town Again.  She was no fan of Beatty.  I remember she called him a “rammer” which refers to his sexual technique, that he appeared to be making the moves on Molly Ringwald before she was legal and that he openly proposed a threesome with Phillips and her very young teenage daughter.  Phillips marvelously refused him thusly:  “We’re both too old for you…”  How I wish she were still alive to put him in his place some more.
 
It was nice to see Tony Shalhoub get a couple shoutouts from the stage.  When Tim Allen co-presented an award with Vanessa Williams, he made a reference to Galaxy Quest which they both appeared in back in 1999.  He must be a well-liked actor to work with.  He’s great on Monk.  No wonder he keeps winning all those Emmys.
 
America Ferrara has never looked better but she took her win for Best Actress In A TV Comedy way too seriously.  So did Jennifer Hudson who won for Best Supporting Actress for her role in Dreamgirls.  I have a feeling that we’ll never hear from her again after the Oscars.
 
When I saw the luminous Penelope Cruz, I had only one thought:  Tom Cruise should’ve never left her.
 
Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
2:00 a.m.
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Published in: on January 16, 2007 at 2:02 am  Leave a Comment  

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