Odette Yustman: Another Hot Girl I Won’t Be Getting

Oh, Odette Yustman.  Your rosy dimples speak to me.  Your slinky body haunts me from afar.  Your smoldering dark hair and mysterious eyes add to your allure.   Your ruby red lips look as soft as pillows.

But you’ve broken my heart.  After an 18-month courtship, you’ve married the hunky Dave Annable.  Oh, if only you preferred this stay-at-home nerd with bad posture and scary choppers.  If only your taste was questionable.

But it isn’t.  You prefer the independent hunks with steady employment.  You want to make good-looking babies who aren’t neurotic and suffer from numerous food intolerances.  I understand.  I could never give you what you need.

Now that you’re off the market, I’ll never get to hear you whisper something sexy to me in fluent Spanish.  I’ll be missing out on all the gossip from the video shoot you did with Weezer and I’ll never hear your deeply personal Kindergarten Cop anecdotes. 

To put it simply, I’ll never get the privilege of getting close to you and knowing who you really are.  But as long as you keep making movies (hopefully better ones than The Unborn which wasn’t your fault), I’ll continue to admire your adorable attributes from a comfortable distance and imagine that there’s something special I’m missing out on.

It’s just as well.  If I stood next to you, I’d only be sweating.  Odette Yustman, you’re another hot girl I won’t be getting.

(Congratulations on your marriage and good luck with your career, young lady.  Many happy returns.)

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Monday, October 11, 2010
11:53 p.m.

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Published in: on October 11, 2010 at 11:53 pm  Comments (1)  

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  1. […] 2009, I couldn’t help but notice how much Odette Yustman resembled the Transformers star.  (Since getting married a few years ago, she’s now known as Odette Annable.)  That observation led to this negative review which […]


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