Jennifer Jason Leigh, I’m Here For You

You were the sweet and sexy but woefully unprepared high schooler knocked up by a clumsy jerk in Fast Times At Ridgemont High.  You were brilliant as Bridget Fonda’s possessive and emotionally unstable roommate in Single White Female.  You ably handled the tricky role of a journalist long traumatized by the sexual abuse of her father in the underrated Dolores Claiborne.   And you played two very different prostitutes in Miami Blues and Last Exit To Brooklyn.

For almost 10 years, you’ve been shacked up with writer/director Noah Baumbach who’s been your husband since 2005.  You’re raising a young son together. 

But now, you want out.  “Irreconcilable differences” being the reason. 

Jennifer Jason Leigh, I’m here for you.  During this difficult time of separation, let me be the rebound guy in your time of despair.  Feel the need to turn on the waterworks?  I’ll supply the tissues.  Feel the need to vent?  I’m listening.  Feel the need to close the space between us?  This skinny Canuck can handle the passion.  Again and again and again.

If talking about your pending divorce is far too painful, we could delve into other subjects like your meticulous preparation for roles.  I’d love to know the whole process you went through for the TV-movie The Best Little Girl In The World in which you slimmed down to a scary 86 pounds and how you were able to come back to a healthier weight after shooting wrapped up.  I’d love to hear stories about working with esteemed directors like Robert Altman, Stanley Kubrick, Ron Howard and David Cronenberg.  And I would definitely be interested in knowing for sure which famous roles you turned down and why.  (Did you really pass on The Accused and The Silence Of The Lambs?  Jodie Foster owes you a couple of favours, in my book.)

Or if you’d rather not talk at all, I could help you reaffirm your sex appeal as many times as you’d like.  I don’t mind.  I’ve got the time.  Besides, you could use the release.

Then again, we could just boogie to my music collection.  I suffer from a serious condition known as wiggleitis but I hope you won’t hold that against me.  (It’s genetic.)  Like Tony Manero in Saturday Night Fever, dancing can be your welcome refuge from emotional pain.  Also, don’t be surprised if I serenade you from time to time while shirtless.  The longer I croon, the more I glisten.

In the meantime, I hope you will be able to end your marriage quickly and peacefully without too much conflict and that your son will still have two loving parents in his life guiding him through the joys and tribulations of childhood.

And with that, I leave you with this:

If you’re feeling lost and you don’t have a clue
Jennifer Jason Leigh, I’m here for you.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
1:10 a.m.

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Published in: on November 24, 2010 at 1:11 am  Leave a Comment  

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