Olivia Wilde, I’m Here For You

You’re one of the most beautiful women in the world.  You’ve appeared on two hit TV dramas.  You’re in a commercially successful movie.  You’re a photographer’s dream.  Hell, even Megan Fox finds you irresistible.

But your personal life has seen better days. 

People Magazine has revealed that you’ve just separated from your husband (David Duchovny’s Italian doppelganger) after just 8 years of marriage.  Reportedly, the two of you aren’t living together anymore and have been having problems “for quite some time”, according to an unnamed source.

Olivia Wilde, I’m here for you.  Sure, I’m a human javelin living in Costanzaland, but you’d have a difficult time not smiling around me.  Silliness would abound.  It certainly beats feeling upset about a situation that might not be repairable.  Besides, you could use the cheering up right now, right?

We could talk about your upbringing in Washington, D.C., what it was like being babysat by Christopher Hitchens, and your love for Oscar Wilde, the man who has inspired you so much you adopted his surname as your own.  (We could talk about the controversy surrounding his supposed deathbed conversion to Catholicism.  I’m sure you have a strong opinion on that.)

I’d love to hear stories about your acting career.  What was it like having significant roles on shows like Skin, The O.C. and House?  What did you learn from those experiences that you’ve carried with you into your forays into film work?  I’d love to know if Jeff Bridges, your co-star in Tron: Legacy, is as cool and decent a person off-screen as he comes across on-screen.  I imagine he did another one of his photo scrapbooks during the shoot and you make more appearances in it than anybody else.

We could talk about the ridiculous way people treated you as a blond, hence your understandable change to a brunette.  Did anybody take you seriously and treat you well before the dye job?  I would’ve.  In fact, as great as you look with darker hair (like a femme fatale from a black and white film noir), I miss your original hair colour.  I first remember seeing you that way on The O.C. and I’ve been smitten ever since.  Honestly, you look great either way as anyone who saw Year One can attest. 

We could also talk about your love of classic cars (what are “suicide doors”?) and maybe you could take me for a spin in your 1958 Chevy Biscayne or 1959 Thunderbird Convertible.  I bet either one is a sweet ride, especially with you at the helm. 

I’d love to know about your friendship with Kumar (Does he talk about his experiences working in the Obama White House?), how you became a vegetarian and your experiences learning about acting in Ireland.  (How cool that you have dual citizenship.)

Now, granted, I’m not really a dog person (they hump my leg without buying me dinner first) so I’m not sure if I would get along with your beloved Paco.  But if you wanted to do a walk-and-talk with him, I think that would be ok.

Regardless of what you decide, Olivia, I hope your personal situation will improve and you’ll be in a better place emotionally. 

And with that, I offer you this:

Hang out with me and you won’t feel sad, boo
Olivia Wilde, I’m here for you.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
3:50 p.m.

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Published in: on February 8, 2011 at 3:50 pm  Comments (1)  

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  1. […] culture commentaries.  I’ve also reached out to the likes of Demi Moore, Ginnifer Goodwin, Olivia Wilde and Jennifer Lopez, four beautiful actors now back on the market, who clearly need to be held by […]


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