Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo

You know you’re watching a bad comedy when the funniest bit is an extended fart sequence.  Such is the sad, sickening display that is Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, the horrifying 2005 sequel to the equally horrifying Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, a surprise hit in 1999.

If you recall from that earlier monstrosity, Rob Schneider plays a down on his luck loser recruited by a colourful pimp (Eddie Griffin) to service women who couldn’t otherwise get a date without paying for it. 

In the sequel, we learn that Schneider married one of his customers, the woman with the prosthetic leg.  Unfortunately, she got eaten by a shark and he’s been mourning the loss ever since.  How does he continue to show his loyalty to her?  By weirdly carting around that same prosthetic leg like a lovestruck puppy, a running gag that goes nowhere fast.  It’s not the only one, unfortunately.

After a tasteless incident involving dolphins, some kind of anti-beaching device and blind senior citizens (don’t ask), Schneider gets a well-timed phone call from Griffin, his former pimp.  While learning on the news that he’s a wanted man (he created the anti-beaching technology), the one-time gigolo takes up Griffin’s offer to come visit him in Amsterdam and escape his domestic troubles.

While there, the two losers find themselves in the middle of another serious situation.  Male prostitutes are being offed one by one by a mysterious blonde who whistles, wears a leopard skin coat and possesses a rare type of American lipstick.  On the case is, believe it or not, Jeroen Krabbe (who was so much better in The Fugitive), a law enforcement big shot not at all enamoured with his free spirited city, especially that Canadian tourist who appears not to be toilet trained.

Because of a series of inane circumstances, Griffin is wrongly suspected of being the killer.  And so begins a rather offensive running gag where the media believes him to be gay which the homophobic pimp thinks is bad for business.  (His use of the word “faggot” later on made me cringe.)  In fact, he’s more outraged by that than the false murder rap.  (He believes the latter could lead to a lucrative rap career.  He would be wrong.)

Meanwhile, with the dimwitted Schneider by his side, the two conduct their own side investigation.  After acquiring a list of clients that the dead gigolos had been looking after, they set about visiting them one by one. 

There’s the giant lady with a peculiar baby fetish (she makes Schneider dress in a diaper and act accordingly), the woman with a hole in her neck (how does she digest food and liquid exactly?), a humpback, a hairy stinkbomb, another gal with oversized ears and, most disgustingly, that unfortunate soul with a penis for a nose.  If only the filmmakers had not gone further with that last idea.

All the while, despite the expected swerves, it’s fairly obvious who the disgruntled killer is.  When you find out why this particular person has such rage against male prostitutes, you wish you didn’t.

When it was released six years ago, European Gigolo got horrendous reviews.  (Richard Roeper and Roger Ebert had it high on their 2005 Worst lists.)  Now that I’ve finally screened it, let me join in that cacophonous chorus.  The movie is essentially one super-extended dick joke with far too many awkward puns (“va-guy-na”, for one ), excessive use of the word “man-whore” (a leftover theme from the original) and just enough potty humour to maintain its asinine juvenile spirit.

Which brings me back to the fart sequence.  While Griffin and Schneider are secretly checking out a shrine at a private club for male hustlers (the name of the Russian guy is funny), unexpected company arrives.  Somehow managing in an instant to hide up in the ceiling undetected like the spawn of Spider-Man, Griffin softly reveals to Schneider that their cover is about to be blown.  It’s so cheap and so stupid and yet so hilarious, a rare but welcome moment of release.

Even the romance Schneider has brewing with Krabbe’s beautiful niece is terrible.  She suffers from a form of OCD I’m not sure exists.  Slapping yourself three times when someone sneezes?  Repeatedly wiping your nose with your finger when an accordion player begins his song?  With the exception of her fear of touching door knobs, all her other compulsions smack of awful slapstick.  Speaking of the door knob thing, how come she doesn’t freak out when she finally has to touch one?  Some irrational fear that is.

This pitiful turd is such a disaster not even cameos by Norm MacDonald (as an Irish hustler) and SNL’s Fred Armisen (as a sleazy, anti-American European) can provide even the slightest bit of energy to this cinematic deadweight, although the end title gag about MacDonald wanting another sitcom is funny.

When you think about it, the central premise of this franchise is irrevocably flawed.  The vast majority of women in the world simply don’t pay for sex.  They don’t have to, even the ones who are far from physically ideal.  Consider the story of  the sole male prostitute in Nevada.  Business was so bad he had to quit.  The creators of the Deuce Bigalow franchise should follow suit.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
9:43 p.m.

Published in: on April 19, 2011 at 9:43 pm  Comments (3)  

The URI to TrackBack this entry is:

RSS feed for comments on this post.

3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. nice post….thanks dennis ……. so properly written ……

  2. […] subjected myself to this year:  Porky’s, A Nightmare On Elm Street (the remake), MacGruber, Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo, The Grudge 2, Vampires Suck, Jackass The Movie, The Stepfather remake and The Crow: City Of […]

  3. […] – The Crow: City Of Angels, Super 8, X-Men: First Class, Eclipse (the third Twilight movie), Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo, A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010), and The American – were properly reviewed in this space.  […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: