Subtle Character Study

Mediocre Howard Stern impersonator
Inconsistent theologian
Currently a Catholic apologist (again)
Hypocrite supreme
Anti-gay, anti-woman, anti-Muslim, anti-Liberal asshole
Egotist in public, self-loather in private
“Literary prostitute” who can’t handle the criticism

Conservative caricature
Overinflates the size of his audience
Research and facts are foreign concepts to him
Endless spewer of bullshit
Never will be respected

Secretly nicknamed “Bloaty McFatAss”
Unable to compete with intelligent broadcasters
Cold-hearted for a “Christian”
Kisses right-wing ass to survive
Sucky News Network’s latest partisan hack

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Monday, July 25, 2011
7:49 p.m.

Published in: on July 25, 2011 at 7:50 pm  Comments (9)  

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9 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Is this a character you’ve created? He’s a mega AH. Wow!

  2. Well, I totally enjoyed your poem. I get that it’s a dead-serious invective of your anger and frustration with some influential bloviator, but I laughed my head off. My favorite lines are “self-loather in private” and “Bloaty McFatAss”. So many possible culprits come to mind…

    • Actually, it was meant to be funny as well as serious. If you look closely, you’ll discover there’s only one “possible culprit”. Thank you for the lovely comment.

      • Somebody named Christian? Give me a hint, I can sing the the Canadian national anthem with gusto, but am not Canadian.

      • No, he’s not named Christian (he just claims to be one) and it’s likely you’ve never heard of him. (Despite what he annoyingly claims, he’s not particularly popular or well-respected.) If you look closely at the poem, you’ll notice something unusual about the text. That’s all I can say.

  3. Ah hah hah hah — Oh that’s brilliant! I’d make a poor detective. I never heard of him, but glanced at his wiki profile. Definitely full of pointed opinions. There’s at least one of him in every country and in every gin joint.

    He’ll always be the original Bloaty McFatAss, but I’ll be secretly nicknaming others with that apt moniker and wondering what sort of self-loathing is going on in private…..

    • Cool, you figured it out. I’ve been wanting to get that nickname out there for the longest time and finally found a way to do it. I’m honoured and amused by the second paragraph of this comment. Thanks for posting it.

  4. […] offer their views on other pieces completely unrelated to the Kiss frontman’s TV show.  Like my poetic “tribute” to Michael Coren which led frequent commenter Flo to leave a very flattering note.  After posting a few darkly […]

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