The Cozy Journalist

You have nothing to fear
I won’t hold you to account
I sold my soul for access
It was a staggering amount
These questions I ask
Won’t make you lose sleep
Neither of us has a conscience
We’re just not that deep

Give me enough time
And I’ll make you a deal
I’ll pretend to be tough
You pretend to be real
Then, later down the line
We’ll do it all again
I don’t care about the truth
I just want to be your friend

Say whatever you’d like
I won’t doubt you at all
Who cares if it’s irresponsible?
I hope you always take my call
No matter how much you complain
About anything I ask
You have nothing to worry about
I’ll never take you to task

I’ll never push you to reveal
What you really think
And risk alienating our relationship?
That would truly stink
I promise to always let you
Keep on passing the buck
Comforting the afflicted?
Who gives a flying fuck?

I’m tired of all the criticism
Flung in my direction
Just because I interview you
While nursing this huge erection
They can hate me all they want
They can continously sob
Keeping you honest?
That’s just not my job

I’d rather chill with you
And attend those hilarious dinners
Why represent the public
When I can hang with a group of winners?
But my favourite time of year
The occasion that’s truly out of sight
Is the moment we pull out our pistols
And have an awesome water fight

So continue to misuse your power
And keep on lying
Keep supporting the super-rich
And illegal spying
Keep cutting our benefits
And poisoning our air
I’ll never confront you on these issues
That just wouldn’t be fair

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Saturday, November 26, 2011
1:17 a.m.

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Published in: on November 26, 2011 at 1:17 am  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. […] Thin Skin mocked stubborn, unaccountable, faux conservative pundits, particularly those in Canada, The Cozy Journalist satirized the sad state of the modern Washington reporter, and Occupation allowed me in my own way […]


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