Unofficial 2012 Summer Olympic Awards (Part One)

Most Unlikely Pairing

Daniel Craig as James Bond picking up the real Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace for a trip via helicopter to the Opening Ceremonies.  Too bad they weren’t actually parachuting into Olympic Stadium, though.  (Those were stunt doubles, of course.)  That would’ve been truly bad ass.

His Agent Deserves A Raise

Film composer Vangelis whose famous Oscar-winning theme for Chariots Of Fire was not only used in a bit involving Mr. Bean at the Opening Ceremonies it’s also been heard at every medal ceremony. 

Ballsiest Olympic Volunteer

Madhura Nagendra, an Indian-born woman who resides in London, caught up in the spectacle of the Opening Ceremonies, who suddenly decided to walk with India’s National Olympic Team (she was walking with the flag bearer) during the Parade of Nations much to their bafflement and annoyance.  (An official letter of complaint was sent to the IOC.)  She eventually apologized for the harmless stunt.

This Song Is Older Than Most Of The Olympians

The Beatles’ Hey Jude, performed by its composer Paul McCartney at the end of the Opening Ceremonies, is 44 years old.  McCartney also led an impromptu sing-a-long of the chorus later on at the conclusion of the indoor women’s cycling sprints competition. 

Most Deserving Of An Apology

American soccer legend turned colour commentator Brandi Chastain.  Concerned they were in trouble she correctly pointed out her country’s defensive vulnerabilities early on in the women’s tournament which publicly irritated goalkeeper Hope Solo who wrote several cranky, disrespectful tweets on her official Twitter account in retaliation.  (The breakout star of the 1999 Womens’ World Cup stood by her remarksSo did Solo who, nonetheless, was called into a team meeting but didn’t face any punishment.  Interestingly, she never complained again.)  Judging by the four goals conceded by the Gold medallists in their final two games, Chastain was proven correct.  Don’t expect Solo to say so, although, truthfully, she kinda already did.

Most Idiotic Fan

Just before the historic mens’ 100 metre final at Olympic Stadium, 34-year-old Ashley Gill-Webb, a British spectator, threw an empty bottle onto the track which thankfully landed well behind the starting blocks, completely missing all of the competitors.  (American Bronze medallist Justin Gatlin was the only runner who later admitted to being slightly distracted by the dickish gesture.)  Gil-Webb not only faced the humiliation of being arrested, he was also karate chopped by Dutch Judo competitor Edith Bosch (CTV Prime Time anchor Brian Williams sang her praises for it) who ended up missing the race live because of this nonsense.  As for the now infamous bottle thrower, his needless trial commences in early September.  It would be surprising if he does any jail time.  Public embarrassment is punishment enough.

Best Hulk Hogan Impression (tie)

Jamaican sprinting phenomenon Usain Bolt’s hilarious posing after winning both the mens’ 100 metre and 200 metre finals and German discus behemoth Robert Harting who, upon winning a Gold medal of his own, proceeded to excitedly rip off his jersey in front of a throng of photographers and camera men.  Your move, brother!

Spoken Like A True Jabroni

After barely squeaking out a 4-3 victory against Canada in the highly acclaimed semi-final women’s soccer match, American goalkeeper Hope Solo couldn’t be bothered to compliment the opposition for their efforts.  Regarding Canadian striker Christine Sinclair’s astounding hat trick in that battle, Solo could only offer this:  “We made her look good.”.  So does that mean that America is Heath Slater and Canada is Randy Orton?  Good to know.

Best Backpedal

Facing an avalanche of criticism for that remark, Solo offered a far more gracious tweet shortly thereafter.  That’s more like it.

Best Performance By An Asshole

She may have been a classless jerk to Chastain and initially showed no respect to the Canadians, but if Solo hadn’t made those two spectacular saves in the Gold Medal match against Japan, America would not be the Olympic Champions.  There’s a very good reason she’s the most respected goalkeeper in the women’s game.

Ding Would Be Proud

Chinese trampoline gymnast Dong Dong, the Bronze medallist in the mens’ competition in his home country four years ago, took home the Gold this year.

Scariest Camera Shot

The one overlooking the 10 metre platform used in the individual diving competitions.

Second Scariest Camera Shot

NBC’s intense close-ups of some of the female divers’ faces while they’re in handstands on that same platform.

Dorkiest Head Gear

Those silly caps worn by all the water polo players.  Guess they’re swimming in an Amish Paradise.

Did They Watch “The Experts” On CTV?

Tennis legend John McEnroe and two-time Winter Olympic Gold Medallist Shaun White learning how to fence on NBC.

Most Surprising Scandal

Four duos were disqualified for rigging group matches to get more favourable positions in the womens’ badminton competition.  Who could’ve ever predicted such a shocking development?

Funniest Jay Onrait Moment

The eternally goofy TSN SportsCentre anchor hilariously hyped up the Bronze Medal womens’ soccer match between France and Canada by screaming at the audience on more than one occasion to just “Watch it!  WATCH IT!”, a bit he’s done before for other sporting events.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Friday, August 10, 2012
1:28 a.m.

Published in: on August 10, 2012 at 1:28 am  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. One of the columnists I read noted that it seems that every time there’s a gathering of more than a couple dozen people in England, Paul McCartney has to show up to sing Hey Jude.

  2. […] Awards”, an idea previously used for the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics.  While parts one and three received modest attention (a combined 44 hits), part two has thus far generated more […]

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