Bitter Old Man

Why do you waste so much of your time
Hammering away at all the unrepentant slime?
Isn’t it only because they screwed your friend?
Maybe your old obsession should come to an end

You once served a purpose so noble and just
Exposing so many frauds none of us should trust
But after a decade and a half of countering the crazy
Your howling has grown tired and you’ve started to get lazy

We’re all “rubes” with “lizard brains” in your indignant eyes
Never capable of separating the truth from the lies
You’re awfully proud of the arrogance you continue to display
Ditto these annoying catchphrases you repeat day after day

Fixating on minutiae while depraved crimes are committed
Obama is the President so these details are omitted
Instead of addressing oppression here and across the sea
Your target is the Rhodes Scholar on MSNBC

Do you seem like a nice person?  Most people are.
Too bad stand-up comedy hasn’t taken you very far
Now you’re stuck being a crank and a bitter old man
Because a former Vice President never ruled this land

There’s no guarantee he would’ve been better
Or followed the law right down to the letter
Yes, he was wronged and slandered beyond belief
But wouldn’t Muslims still be united in their grief?

You claim to abhor name calling from the other side
But when you do it yourself we’re supposed to let it slide
Pretending to be a group inspires a roll of the eye
“We the analysts” is just one fucking guy!

It’s easy to combat those who live to be tribal
They’re none too swift and are reckless with libel
But your conspiracy theories feel increasingly overheated
The liberal world has long since been defeated

For someone who prides himself on being comprehensive
When flaws are pointed out you become quite defensive
Maybe it wasn’t so smart to take that stand
Against a film you haven’t seen called Waiting For Superman

While innocent Muslims are still unlawfully detained
You’re bailing forty minutes into Django Unchained
Guess you got bored giving hell to all those pricks
Who knew your kryptonite would be three-hour flicks?

You lead us to believe we’re not smarter than you
And there’s no such thing as an alternate point of view
You love to slam the swells and overpaid plutocrats
While ignoring the cruel foreign policy of the ruling Democrats

You simply don’t care about those dying in the sun
Having a conscience?  Darlings!  It just isn’t done!
You think you’re more useful sitting on your butt
Ignoring criminal acts by keeping your big trap shut

Can we talk?  It’s true, you’re now becoming unbearable
When it comes to repetition, you’re simply incomparable
Are you really in denial like that Bush named Sophia?
If you ask us, we have no earthly idea

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
2:54 a.m.

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Published in: on January 9, 2013 at 2:54 am  Comments (1)  

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  1. […] barbs.  Bob Somerby, AKA The Daily Howler, also felt the cold steel of my literary jabs in Bitter Old Man, which employs the, at times, conspiratorial Baltimore comedian’s most annoyingly overused […]


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