Pretentious Snob

You loath the music I endlessly adore
And overpraise nonsense I’m happy to ignore
How have you lasted all of these years?
Are you really responsible for launching great careers?

You gave a four-star review to a shrieking groupie
What were you snorting that made you so loopy?
Your paragraph reviews are far from insightful
You’re such a crank even your raves sound spiteful

Reading your blather provides few rewards
What’s wrong with playing more than three chords?
It’s so easy to laugh at your questionable taste
You’re like an ignorant child who loves to eat paste

Why sign up for a gig you clearly can’t handle?
Eighteen-hour-days burning both ends of the candle
The contents are no deeper than the cover of this book
Does Peter Bogdanovich know you stole his look?

There are genres you detest for reasons I don’t get
There are talents you deplore who’ll you never fete
I’ll never understand why The Joshua Tree
Is an album you felt only deserved a B

You were right about the global emergence of rap
But that doesn’t excuse your frequent endorsement of crap
Yes, you’ve loved records by Bowie and Dylan
But your closed-minded attitude still makes you a villain

You panned Achtung Baby without an explanation
A cartoon bomb rating shows your lack of imagination
Is there anything worse than an out-of-touch knob
Who is nothing more than a pretentious snob?

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
12:05 a.m.

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Published in: on February 27, 2013 at 12:05 am  Comments (1)  

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  1. […] Pretentious Snob is about Robert Christgau, the veteran rock critic.  Like Somerby, his work often drives me mental.  The first verse was written last year as the diatribe-in-progress sat unfinished for months.  Finally, I figured out a way to finish it in early 2013.  The line “You gave a four-star review to a shrieking groupie” is a reference to a review of a Yoko Ono compilation entitled Walking On Thin Ice.  Another line – “What’s wrong with playing more than three chords?” – refers to his deep disdain for prog rock and heavy metal, two underappreciated genres. […]


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