You loath the music I endlessly adore
And overpraise nonsense I’m happy to ignore
How have you lasted all of these years?
Are you really responsible for launching great careers?
You gave a four-star review to a shrieking groupie
What were you snorting that made you so loopy?
Your paragraph reviews are far from insightful
You’re such a crank even your raves sound spiteful
Reading your blather provides few rewards
What’s wrong with playing more than three chords?
It’s so easy to laugh at your questionable taste
You’re like an ignorant child who loves to eat paste
Why sign up for a gig you clearly can’t handle?
Eighteen-hour-days burning both ends of the candle
The contents are no deeper than the cover of this book
Does Peter Bogdanovich know you stole his look?
There are genres you detest for reasons I don’t get
There are talents you deplore who’ll you never fete
I’ll never understand why The Joshua Tree
Is an album you felt only deserved a B
You were right about the global emergence of rap
But that doesn’t excuse your frequent endorsement of crap
Yes, you’ve loved records by Bowie and Dylan
But your closed-minded attitude still makes you a villain
You panned Achtung Baby without an explanation
A cartoon bomb rating shows your lack of imagination
Is there anything worse than an out-of-touch knob
Who is nothing more than a pretentious snob?
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Wednesday, February 27, 2013