WrestleMania 29 Predictions (Part Four)

WWE Tag Team title match:  Hell No vs. Dolph Ziggler & Big E. Langston

I hate this booking.  Ziggler should concentrate exclusively on the World title while Big E. needs to pay his dues like Ryback last year.  Instead, they’ve suddenly been thrusted into the number one contendership for the tag team championships without having to defeat any other teams.  This makes absolutely no sense.

The Rhodes Scholars should be here instead but they’re stuck tangling with the dancing hippos in a meaningless mixed 8-person tag match that few are enamoured with.  I understand wanting to give Langston, Ziggler’s “heavy”, some considerable momentum to kick off his main roster in-ring career but this is ridiculous.  Quite frankly, he hasn’t earned this spot.  Don’t get me wrong.  He’s been very impressive with his Big Ending attacks on various performers and helpful interferences on behalf of “Ziggles” but how does that exactly qualify him to be in a tag team title match?  The only thing he’s earned is a Mansiere endorsement deal.

Daniel Bryan and Kane have often been very funny in their roles as a constantly squabbling odd couple which led to their tag team title push last year.  Hard to believe they’ve been doing this schtick since last summer.  But they’ve also proven to be a solid team in the ring, as well, as they’ve almost singlehandedly revived this division, albeit temporarily.  Who would’ve guessed they had this much chemistry together?  That said, it’s inevitable, though, that they’re going to split up.  I just wish it wasn’t under these circumstances.

I don’t know how exactly this will happen but I suspect one of them will pull a Rick Martel circa 1989 by getting pissed over some misunderstanding or other, and leave his partner to fend for himself.  The result:  new tag team champions and a renewed rivalry. 

Prediction: Dolph Ziggler & Big E. Langston win the tag titles by pinfall.

CM Punk vs. The Undertaker

When The Straight Edge Superstar lost his WWE title to The Rock at the Royal Rumble, it ended the sixth longest reign in company history.  After he failed to regain the belt at the Elimination Chamber, his only hope for one more title shot occurred on Raw when he challenged John Cena for his number one contendership.  In a thrilling 30-minute epic worthy of a pay-per-view, Punk came up short once again.  He wouldn’t be grappling for the top prize in the main event of WrestleMania 29.

But then The Undertaker returned and everything changed.  In a program that’s been rumoured online for months, this is a renewed rivalry in its own right from four years ago.  Back then a longer haired Punk was the World Heavyweight Champion who had just finished off his feud with Jeff Hardy.  Undertaker began chasing him for the strap that summer right up until a disappointing Hell In A Cell match in October 2009 when The Dead Man finally got the push.

Much has changed since then.  Punk’s frustrations with his short title reigns and inconsistent pushes finally exploded on the microphone one fateful night on Television in the summer of 2011.  It’s been uphill for him ever since.  Taker stopped working full-time in late 2010 to make very rare Raw appearances and to concentrate solely on his annual WrestleMania match.

I’m not sure what the original story was going to be between these two in 2013 but since the unexpectedly recent death of Paul Bearer this feud has found its purpose.  A couple of weeks ago, Punk stole the golden urn, a symbol of both Taker’s power and his former longtime cornerman.  He’s been hilariously disrespectful to it, juggling with it as he talks, dropping it, always showing absolutely no regard for its importance to The Phenom.  He’s even used it as a weapon against Taker and even his half-brother Kane.

But on the most recent Raw, he went even further.  He actually dumped the “ashes” of Bearer all over The Dead Man and himself to conclude the program with his advisor Paul Heyman, fully dressed as the late manager, looking on with evil delight.  Like his mockery of Jerry Lawler’s real-life on-air heart attack last year, these are controversial gestures on his part.  Some fans and critics really feel this is over the line.  But I love it.  (I imagine William Moody, who played Bearer, would’ve gotten a kick out of it, too.)  I have immense respect for Phil Brooks as a performer and he’s one of the few wrestlers in history to be equally hypnotic as a villain and a hero.  He’s the best talker in WWE (both acerbically funny and deadly serious), the best in-ring talent (there’s nothing he can’t do physically) and the best character.  Who better to challenge The Streak than The Straight Edge Superstar?

Sadly, he won’t break it.  Despite hints at a possible cheap countout or DQ victory, something only a desperate, dastardly heel like Punk would accept, it’s just not going to happen.  Unless this is the end of Mark Calaway’s WWE career, it won’t be the end of Taker’s unbeaten WrestleMania run.  All those mind games Punk is playing is purely to set up the inevitable asskicking he’s sure to receive on Sunday night.

It would be fantastic if Punk finally gets his long sought after dream of wrestling in the main event of WrestleMania and judging by what happened on Monday, it’s looking like a distinct possibility.  But, whether that happens or not, he won’t be the “1” in “20 and 1”.  Rather, after getting trapped in Hell’s Gate, he’ll be the “1” in “21-0”.

Prediction: The Undertaker by submission.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
1:13 a.m.

CORRECTION:  The Undertaker’s real name is Mark Calaway, not Galloway as I originally wrote.  My apologies for the error.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
1:36 p.m.

UPDATE:  So how’d I do?  Well, John Cena won the WWE Championship, Triple H didn’t retire, The Shield were victorious (even though I was wrong about Randy Orton having a hand in that), Fandango won his first match and The Undertaker’s WrestleMania streak is now 21-0, which means I got all five of these right (although I did think The Dead Man would win by submission rather than pinfall.)  Unfortunately, The Miz won the InterContinental title, Alberto Del Rio retained his World Heavyweight Championship, Mark Henry beat Ryback and Team Hell No are still the tag team champions, which means I went 5/9 overall.  Not great.  Curiously, the eight-person tag match was mysteriously cancelled so that prediction has been wiped out from the total.  I have to say I definitely did a better job predicting the Elimination Chamber results in February.  Better luck next time, I suppose.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Monday, April 8, 2013
2:42 a.m.

UPDATE 2:  The cancelled mixed tag match was bumped to tonight’s edition of Raw.  The Tons Of Funk and The Funkadactyls defeated Team Rhodes Scholars and The Bellas in a very quick encounter (as I expected) which means, technically, I went 6/10.  I’ll take it.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Monday, April 8, 2013
11:22 p.m.

Published in: on April 3, 2013 at 1:13 am  Comments (1)  

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  1. […] and August, I made predictions for every WWE pay-per-view:  Elimination Chamber, WrestleMania 29, Extreme Rules, Payback, Money In The Bank and SummerSlam.  So, why didn’t I continue on […]

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