There are two types of people in this world. Those who love the Jackass franchise and everybody else. Put me firmly in the second camp.
I mean, how could I not be? These aren’t movies, they’re endurance tests for an audience, especially those of us who don’t think it’s too much to ask for a little cleverness to go with the freakshow. Admitting this is all derivative stupidity doesn’t help. (Yeah, I know, it’s in the title.) And not everyone heeds those cover-your-ass warnings to not try this at home. Careless Teens, anyone?
As someone who greatly admired the original American Pie trilogy, a series that at times made me laugh so loud and hard I gave myself a headache, I’m not above gags involving dicks and bodily fluids, especially if the payoff is unexpected.
But unlike Pie’s cheerfully sweet vulgarity, there’s a pointed, predictable meanness to Jackass. No one is safe from any kind of torture that could happen at any time whether it’s extensively orchestrated ahead of time or an act of vicious spontaneity. And I mean no one. Not the cast, not the director, not even celebrities like Tyler, The Creator who should’ve inspected his piano seat.
There’s a disheartening sense that it’s not even about the audience at all. If no cameras were around, these juvenile antics would carry on regardless. Practically every stunt involves someone being tortured for laughs that never come. I’m not the first person to point this out, but when the crew laughs at one of their own for being absolutely terrified, getting severely hurt (with one serious exception) or drenched in something disgusting, their delighted reactions sure feel awfully forced. Whatever prevents you from crying, I guess.
The Jackass movies are basically a large random collection of bits and stunts edited together like an overextended episode of their original MTV series. With the full backing of Paramount Pictures, who have been shamelessly reaping the profits for 20 years now, they no longer have to face some dweeb in a suit telling them what they can’t do or show, although I’m sure it’s no fun dealing with the maddening MPA as an alternative. Going from an NC-17 to an R often involves multiple submissions (and cuts) for approval.
Unfortunately, that’s opened the floodgates for severe grossness, going far beyond what was previously allowed on cable Television. However, by the end of Jackass Forever, the fifth entry in the ongoing franchise if you include the Bad Grandpa spin-off, it’s clear they’ve completely run out of ideas. One example: the giant hand that whacks Machine Gun Kelly and sends him into a cold swimming pool is a recycled gag from Jackass 3, even if he is on a stationary bike instead of walking oblivious down a hallway.
Like its predecessors, the movie is assembled like an overlong Ramones album. Segments of various lengths, mostly unrelated to each other, running no longer than maybe a few minutes and as short as tens of seconds, come and go so quickly, after a fade to black we’re faded in again to the next stunt, so there’s no real time to fully process the dumb spectacle we just witnessed.
And maybe that’s for the best. For, according to this crowd, thinking is the enemy. It explains why everyone in the cast and even some of the crew members remain astoundingly gullible on set. Besides the pre-planned bits done in the vein of the TV show, there are impromptu pranks that routinely catch the unsuspecting napping. Like Steve-O walking into a Portapotty that will explode right after he closes the door. Or anyone going to get a coffee. Or anybody not paying attention to Johnny Knoxville and his taser.
By the way, what’s going on with his hair? In some segments, he leaves it naturally grey. But in others, he’s clearly pulled out the Just For Men. When he worked an angle with Sami Zayn, conveniently timed to promote this movie, he didn’t dye it once. It doesn’t make him look wiser but when he leaves his hair alone, despite his awkward history of professional self-abuse, he looks more distinguished.
Knoxville’s Bad Grandpa character, which first appeared in Jackass Number Two and inspired its only laugh, makes a disappointing return in another routine prank that will involve him being flung into the air and crashing into something while people not in on the gag look on in shock. If only Jackass Forever contained anything remotely close to the funniest moment from the Bad Grandpa off-shoot.
You know the one. Knoxville as the randy, cantankerous 86-year-old malcontent who mischievously conspires with his young grandson to infiltrate a child beauty pagent. The bit is brilliant because it works on multiple levels. In the real world, these events are rightly seen as weird and unseemly. Arrogant little girls dressed like tarts and prancing around like the next Miss America. When the fully committed grandson, oddly convincing in drag, suddenly reveals a stripper’s outfit, hair metal blasts out of the speakers, an inappropriate pole dance begins and grandpa starts making it rain.
The hilariously outrageous stunt makes a good satirical point. These pagents are really one Warrant song away from being child pornography.
Brain power is not required for any of the bits in Jackass Forever, especially the embarrassing game show segment where guessing incorrectly results in a contraption snapping into your junk. Look, I’ll admit, I fucked up on the piano question (I said strings, too; my only wrong answer) but by God, if you can’t spell dumbbell. Let’s just say there’s a reason these films exist. The unemployment rate would be much higher. This movie is an indictment of the American education system.
With the obnoxious Bam Margera mostly excised and unmissed (he only gets mentioned in the closing credits), new cast members have been brought in to “freshen” things up. Rachel Wolfson, the only female Jackass, is relegated to being mostly a spectator with the exception of two segments, one involving her tonguing a taser without making a sound (she’s dressed as a mime) and getting her lip punctured by a scorpion in the other, although in the montage at the end, she also get bedazzled by surprise.
I guess it should be applauded that Chris Pontius, whose Party Guy character was the funniest part of the otherwise dreadful first movie, won’t remove that scorpion that falls onto Wolfson’s chest until she gives him permission. But then another Jackass notes it’s the 21st Century. So, if it wasn’t, he wouldn’t have?
Zach Holmes, who had his own Jackass-style TV series, is essentially a younger Preston Lacy, a big man who will throw his body around like a fearless cruiserweight no matter how brutal the landing. The crew affectionately refer to him as Zackass. I wouldn’t be so complimented. And then there’s Jasper and his former gangbanging dad, who probably had an easier time in prison.
It is rather shocking that no one ever dies in these movies which the cast would attribute to their decades of professional experience. But honestly, with the originals now middle-aged, it is a miracle any time they’re able to walk away with just bruises. Surely, the longer this nonsense continues, the shorter their lifespans will be.
Knoxville has a very close call after another recycled bit involving him taking a dangerous bump from a charging bull. In the past, he did it blindfolded. Not this time. After the bull easily flips him into the air, the leader of this idiot squad crashes so hard to the ground, it sounds like he’s out snoring. After being discharged from the hospital, he reveals his injuries. Again, he’s extraordinarily fortunate he can even function. At least he didn’t break his penis this time.
Beginning in 2002, Jackass movies were coming every four years right up until Bad Grandpa. But it took twice as long to get Forever going and completed. Were the injuries so heinous in number 3 (the worst installment) they needed extra time to heal? Or is it even possible to make a full recovery?
What’s peculiar about Jackass Forever is that it plays more like a horror movie (I was continually mortified instead of amused). There’s a bit where pairs of Jackasses are misled into a room about a particular stunt involving a potential snakebite only to see the lights go out and the door locked while Knoxville and his accomplices aggravate them in their now horrified and helpless state. It’s literally called Silence Of The Lambs as Knoxville and company wear night vision goggles while zonked out Pontius does his Jame Gumb tribute for no reason.
Danger Ehren, who had his tooth forcibly removed by a screeching car in an earlier chapter, subjects himself to repeated shots to the nuts by various athletes (a UFC champ, a female softball pitcher, P.K. Subban) that is when he’s not being electrocuted or bitten by a spider. You don’t want to know where. Let’s just say James S. Murray is glad he works for a different show.
During a deceptive lie detector bit where Ehren is tied to an electric seat, all of a sudden a hungry bear comes out and starts making a play for the salmon stuffed in his pants. When the bear starts to get a little grumpy, out comes the trainer to mercifully end the stunt. Wee Man gets tied down outside and has to endure a terrifying giant-ass vulture pecking at his pecker (he’s thankfully wearing a speedo) which happens to be covered in raw meat. Steve-O has his penis covered in bees. Pontius has his member bitten by a tiny turtle in the Godzilla opening credit sequence, then flattened in another segment later on.
As usual, balls and dicks, whether they’re fully exposed or not, take the worst of it. (Sacks are no substitute for punching bags.) All the while you wonder about everyone’s sexuality. I mean this franchise is basically one blow job away from turning into gay porn.
With only the fake laughers having any particular fun, what motivates their victims? They often look deflated, defeated and scared shitless. (Even Lance, the poor camera guy, can’t seem to stop dry heaving during the most heinous bits, a carryover from previous chapters.) Do the Jackass crew have a collective death wish? Or are they trying to prove something? Are they attempting to face every possible fear they have in order to conquer it? Or is this just their sick way of amusing each other?
Having seen Problem Child 2 twice I’m more than a little relieved that the concluding Vomitron bit, as deeply unfunny as it is, is not nearly as gruesome as it could’ve been. For some reason, the rapid spinning isn’t enough. A whole fake war scene with timed explosions breaks out around them, once again reinforcing the horror theme. And right there in the middle is Knoxville badly channelling his inner Robert Duvall.
Jackass Forever is a perennial reminder on how not to treat your friends. In an industry with a history of mistreating its on-camera talents, here’s one of the rare times the animals get treated far better than the humans.
Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Friday, June 17, 2022
2:56 a.m.
THE WRITINGS OF DENNIS EARL 
Voting For Democrats
Voting for Democrats increases obstruction
Voting for Democrats guarantees destruction
Voting for Democrats funds the police
Voting for Democrats denies Assange’s release
Voting for Democrats enables distortions
Voting for Democrats outlaws abortions
Voting for Democrats smothers dissent
Voting for Democrats shrinks the tent
Voting for Democrats preserves the status quo
Voting for Democrats leaves open Guantanamo
Voting for Democrats means eroded protections
Voting for Democrats means increased infections
Voting for Democrats means supporting the rich
Voting for Democrats doesn’t flick the switch
Voting for Democrats means a strongly worded letter
Voting for Democrats means Centrists aren’t better
Voting for Democrats institutionalizes oppression
Voting for Democrats guarantees depression
Voting for Democrats means more racist policing
Voting for Democrats allows more fleecing
Voting for Democrats means more unforgiven debt
Voting for Democrats is a risky bet
Voting for Democrats means losing more rights
Voting for Democrats means avoiding big fights
Voting for Democrats assures leftists aren’t invited
Voting for Democrats is clearly shortsighted
Voting for Democrats means more bipartisan misery
Voting for Democrats involves ignoring a failed history
Voting for Democrats means promising than refusing
Voting for Democrats guarantees more losing
Voting for Democrats leads to more violence
Voting for Democrats turns outrage into silence
Voting for Democrats is a useless proposition
Voting for Democrats means no real opposition
Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Friday, June 24, 2022
9:13 p.m.
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on June 24, 2022 at 9:13 pm Comments (3)