The Lows Of 2016

1. David Bowie died of cancer two days after releasing his final studio album.  First, there was collective denial, then absolute shock and sadness.  His unexpected death set the tone for a miserable year.

2. Donald Trump is the 45th President of the United States.  How much considerable, irreparable harm will he cause to the world?

3. Daniel Bryan retired from the WWE due to severe, unrecoverable injuries.  He was looking like the next John Cena.  Now he’s reduced to being a powerless “authority” figure on Smackdown, a supporting player on a reality show and a punching bag for The Miz.

4. Jian Ghomeshi isn’t in prison.  Rape culture is real.

5. The Fort McMurray fire in Alberta.  Such devastation.  It will takes years to rebuild.

6. Fifty Shades Of Black.  A horrifically unfunny “parody” of Fifty Shades Of Grey.  No more Marlon Wayans movies.  Please.

7. Gord Downie’s terminal brain cancer diagnosis.  May he live as long as he can and make as much good music as he is able.

8. The armed protest at the Oregon Wildlife Refuge.  What exactly did it accomplish other than mass ridicule?

9. The rise in racist hate crimes against Muslims, trans people, gays, Black people, Jews, Palestinians and Indigenous communities worldwide.  White supremacy needs to die already.

10. Mr. Fuji died.

11. Gitmo is still open.

12. CM Punk lost his first UFC fight in the first round.  Years ago, Brock Lesnar lost his first fight as well and went on to become World Champion.  So there’s still hope for The Straight Edge Superstar.  He’ll be back.

13. Krystal on Canada’s Worst Driver 12.  An unrepentant narcissist who is an absolute maniac on the road.  The sooner her license is permanently suspended, the better.  Host Andrew Younghusband deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for tolerating this phone-addicted brat as well and for as long as he did.

14. The phony “Bernie Bro” smear from Clintonistas desperate to keep the Vermont Senator from becoming the Democratic nominee for President.  Not only did this erase the millions of women who supported Bernie Sanders (especially Hillary Clinton’s numerous feminist critics and women of colour), it was dastardly and downright insulting.  In the end, Donald Trump is the next US President, so good job, you stupid idiots.

15. Gawker went bankrupt after losing a court case to balding, overtanned racist Hulk Hogan.  Fuck you, Peter Thiel.

16. The very funny Garry Shandling died.  He spearheaded two of the most influential sitcoms of all time:  It’s Garry Shandling’s Show and The Larry Sanders Show.  He was a great Emmys host, too, and a quiet mentor to so many other comics in need.

17. Prince died of a prescription drug overdose.  The incredible legacy he leaves behind which doesn’t even include the thousands of songs he never released.

18. Zack Ryder’s one and only InterContinental title reign lasted exactly one day.  Why do his pushes always seem like ribs?

19. Doris Roberts died.  Both Barones are gone now.

20. Brexit.  The United Kingdom isn’t so united anymore.  What other European nations will follow Ol’ Blimey’s risky lead?

21. George Michael died on Christmas Day.

22. The endless civil war in Syria.  So many villains who should be prosecuted for war crimes.

23. Palestine is still illegally occupied by Apartheid Israel.

24. Matt DeHart is still in prison.

25. The lack of justice for mostly Black and Indigenous victims of police brutality.  The racist status quo cannot and must not continue to protect murderers and torturers of the state.

26. James Ellsworth.  Enough.

27. Chelsea Manning attempted suicide twice (which she was punished for) as she continues to be persecuted and tortured with solitary confinement for exposing deplorable war crimes by the American government.  Release her immediately and let her transition already.  She’s suffered enough for her uncommon courage and conviction.

28. All the terrible films I saw this year:  Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, Pixels, Hot Pursuit, Bad Teacher, The Lazarus Effect, Get Hard, the Black Christmas remake, Johnny English, Johnny English Reborn, Damien: Omen II, Born In East LA, The Wedding Ringer, Identity Thief, The Heat, Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension, No One Lives, Night Of The Creeps, Bending The Rules, The Last American Virgin, Bloodsport, The Last Exorcism Part II, Killer Klowns From Outer Space, Basket Case, Krampus, Dolls, Jessabelle, Brain Damage, Wolfcop, The Haunting In Connecticut 2: Ghosts Of Georgia, Street Trash, Zombie High, We’re The Millers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990), Masters Of The Universe, Observe And Report, National Lampoon’s Van Wilder, Silent Night Deadly Night, Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2, Here Comes The Boom, Let’s Be Cops, Death Wish II, Death Wish 3, Death Wish 4: The Crackdown, Death Wish: The Face Of Death, Three Fugitives, Evilspeak, Ride Along, Ride Along 2, Knucklehead, Hatchet, Meatballs, Meatballs Part II, The Gallows, Daddy’s Home, The Out-Of-Towners remake, 22 Jump Street, Ted, Hotel Transylvania, Hotel Transylvania 2, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, The Funhouse, Critters, Critters 2, the Conan The Barbarian remake, Swing Parade, Africa Screams, At War With The Army, Check And Double Check, The Flying Deuces, Deathouse (AKA Silent Night, Bloody Night), The Smallest Show On Earth, My Favourite Brunette, The Perfect Score, Cheech & Chong’s Animated Movie!, And Now For Something Completely Different and The Great Rupert.

29. Only some Russian Olympians were banned from competition in the Summer Games in Brazil.  Why not all of them?  All their Paralympians were barred.  Why the double standard?

30. Cody Rhodes left the WWE.  Even he got sick of being Stardust.

31. MuchMoreMusic was yanked off the air.

32. New2You quietly closed its Lime Ridge location.  I bought so many cheap CDs there over the years.  I will miss it dearly.

33. Ryan Lochte.  What the hell was he thinking?  Oh right.  He wasn’t.

34. Russ Feingold wasn’t able to get elected back to the Senate.

35. “Iron” Mike Sharpe died.  Why isn’t he in the WWE Hall of Fame as a jobber?

36. Amber Heard’s damning testimony about her abusive ex-husband Johnny Depp.  She deserves better and he should be ashamed of himself.

37. The desperate campaign to outlaw the peaceful #BDS movement against Apartheid Israel.  Try as they may, AI and their Western governmental allies cannot stop the inevitable end of violent colonial Zionism.

38. Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds both died during the same week over the Christmas holidays.  Doubly sad.

39. Montreal lost in the MLS final to Seattle.  Boring game.  Penalty kicks are a terrible way to settle a scoreless draw.

40. The Chris Jericho/Dean Ambrose asylum match at Extreme Rules.  Too long and too slow.  No wonder the audience in attendance stayed quiet for most of it.  If it wasn’t for the thumbtacks, the ending would’ve been terrible, too.  Don’t expect this silly concept to be repeated.

41. The overcrowded announce table on Smackdown Live.  Does the WWE not realize that we don’t need three terrible colour commentators all at once?

42. 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers Of Benghazi.  Michael Bay reimagines the most politicized moment of the misbegotten Libyan invasion as a long-winded action epic.  No thanks.

43. The Undertaker vs. Shane McMahon at WrestleMania 32.  If McMahon hadn’t jumped off the top of Hell In A Cell, would anybody be even talking about this match?  And what was the point of the stipulation if it was never going to be honoured?

44. Radiohead finally released a studio version of True Love Waits and it’s dreary.  I prefer the more moving live version from the I Might Be Wrong EP.

45. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2.  Exceedingly manipulative and annoyingly sexist.  I only laughed twice.

46. Ride Along 2.  Will Kevin Hart ever make a good comedy?  Just as bad as the original.

47. The constant, dangerous scaremongering about Vladimir Putin and Russia.  Democrats will blame anybody but themselves for their pathetic electoral performance this year.  Soul searching is not their strong suit.

48. Damien Sandow was fired from the WWE.  That’s not the way you treat The Intellectual Savior Of The Unwashed Masses.

49. The Forest.  The concept is far better than the execution, unfortunately.

50. Rodrigo Duterte, the psychotic leader of The Philippines, who openly admitted to murdering his citizens as part of his horrific War on Drugs.  No wonder he’s an ally of the American government.

51. The Liberals lied about the deal to sell weaponry to Saudi Arabia.  Now it’s up to a Canadian court to decide whether it should be honoured.  It shouldn’t.

52. The overblown incident in the House of Commons when Prime Minister Justin Trudeau accidentally elbowed an MP from the NDP during a contentious vote.  Trudeau wasn’t the one who needed to apologize repeatedly.  When even feminists criticized the controversy, you know it was nothing.

53. Kellie Leitch.  Loathsome, dishonest, racist, elitist.  The perfect face for the modern Conservative Party of Canada.

54. Obama & Congress will give 40 billion dollars to Apartheid Israel to help it continue propping up its endless, illegal occupation of oppressed Palestinians over the next decade.  If Netanyahu’s truly upset about the Iran Deal and the USG’s refusal to veto the latest UN condemnation of illegal settlements, he’ll reject the money.  You know he won’t, though.  Because #BDS is hurting Apartheid Israel’s economy.  And Zionism needs welfare to survive.

55. The ongoing, heartless persecution of Palestinian activist and torture survivor Rasmeh Odeh.  End her ordeal and clear her name already.

56. No one has gone to prison for murdering Baltimore resident Freddie Gray.

57. One stubborn juror led to the mistrial of North Carolina police officer Michael Slager who murdered Walter Scott as captured on video.  It’s Rodney King all over again.  Even actual footage isn’t enough to get a conviction for a white cop killing a black man in America.

58. 49 people were murdered at a gay club in Florida by a man who may have been gay himself.  Awful, just awful.

59. The news media’s early, constant coverage of Donald Trump and his long-winded rallies without much scrutiny of his record during the Republican primaries.  Are you happy now, Les Moonves?

60. The ongoing suicide crisis in the Canadian Indigenous community.  We are failing these kids.  We must do better.  We must listen to their concerns and directly address them.

61. Kurt Eichenwald.  He supported the wrong Democrat.  He’s not to be trusted.  And he’s a whiny bitch, too.

62. For the first time in about half a decade, the WWE split its roster again by putting half on Raw and half on Smackdown.  Not only that, they’ve added more championships so now each show has its own World Champion, mid-card-Champion, Tag Team Champions and Womens Champion, plus show-centric pay-per-views.  So lame.  Why return to such a failed concept?  The Raw vs. Smackdown rivalry is phony.  You all work for the same goddamn company!  No wonder your TV ratings suck so bad.

63. The failed coup in Turkey.  It gave authoritarian Erdogan every excuse to crack down on whatever democracy was still left in his troubled country.  Why hasn’t he been kicked out of NATO?

64. There wasn’t a single person of colour nominated for an acting Oscar.  Because of the public outcry, I suspect 2017 will be very different.

65. Media Matters For America going all in for a loser.  Still with Hill, jackwads?

66. Alberto Del Rio left the WWE.  Again.

67. The moral cowardice of Aung San Suu Kyi.  She doesn’t give a damn about the ruthless persecution of Rohingya Muslims in her own country.  Despicable.

68. Nat Turner and Casey Affleck are in contention for Academy Awards next year but face serious accusations of sexual assault and sexual harassment, respectively.  Turner faced a lot of scrutiny and didn’t handle it particularly well, while Affleck, a likely Best Actor nominee, just hosted Saturday Night Live and has routinely been given a free pass.  After decades of protecting Bill Cosby, the entertainment press needs to address this with Affleck directly.  Innocent lives are at stake.  Turner’s victim committed suicide.

69. The Nightly Show was cancelled just as it was finding its satirical voice in the insane world of American politics.  Comedy Central should’ve had more faith in it.

70. Bowie’s Blackstar wasn’t nominated for the Album Of The Year Grammy.  A huge, insulting oversight.

71. Muhammad Ali died.  He was an asshole to Joe Frazier but I’ll always respect his opposition to Vietnam.

72. Corey Graves and Byron Saxton at the Raw commentary table.  Absolutely no chemistry whatsoever.

73. Alan Rickman died.  He may have been a villain on-screen but he was a mensch in real life.  His public support for Rachel Corrie, an activist murdered by Apartheid Israel, should always be remembered.

74. The Wars on Drugs, Black people, Indigenous communities, trans, gay, lesbian & bisexual folks, sexual assault survivors, journalists, whistleblowers, prisoners, women, Sikhs and Muslims continues unabated.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Saturday, December 31, 2016
1:38 a.m.

The Highs Of 2016

1. Hillary Clinton will never be President of the United States.  When you run an incompetent, uninspired, foolhardy campaign, screw over your Democratic opponent and his left-wing supporters thanks to your corrupt political and media allies and then blame everybody else for your own neoliberal stupidity, you get what you deserve:  utter and complete humiliation.

2. Game 7 of The World Series.  One of the most competitive, unpredictable and exciting championship games not only in baseball history, but in the entire history of sports.  It is a damn shame Harry Caray never lived long enough to see his beloved Chicago Cubs end their notoriously brutal 107-year slump.  Cleveland blew it.

3. David Bowie’s Blackstar.  Released 8 days into the new year, I never heard a better album.  Poignant, cathartic, masterful.  He couldn’t have ended his recording career on a higher note.

4. OJ: Made In America.  An epic, thoroughly revelatory documentary miniseries that puts the travesty of the OJ Simpson double murder case in illuminating and often uncomfortable historical context.  Infuriatingly fascinating.

5. Mauro Ranallo joined the WWE as a play-by-play commentator.  It’s so refreshing to hear the actual names of wrestling holds being called again.  Now if only the company would find him a decent colour man instead of saddling him with three unimaginative seat fillers.  Where’s his Bobby Heenan?

6. Jerry “The King” Lawler blocked me on Twitter and no longer does colour commentary for the WWE.  This misogynistic sleaze wasn’t worth following or listening to in the first place.  He did me a favour.

7. Persecuted journalist Barrett Brown was finally released from prison.  May he continue to sing like the proverbial canary.

8. Iggy Pop’s Post Pop Depression.  You can never go wrong writing songs with Josh Homme.  Too bad he’s going to lose the Best Alternative Rock Album Grammy to Bowie’s Blackstar next year.

9. Leah Remini’s Scientology & The Aftermath series on A&E.  A fittingly skeptical companion to the excellent, eye-opening Going Clear movie I finally screened this year.  David Miscavige’s cult is in serious shit.  Time to stop treating it like a religion.  Revoke its tax-exempt status and start making indictments.

10. Portugal won Euro.  Ronaldo’s redemption 12 years in the making.

11. Roger Ailes was forced out of Fox News after being sued for sexual harassment.  Is his most famous political operation going to survive?  Let’s hope not.

12. Despite hundreds of ill-fated attempts, the CIA could not kill Fidel Castro who died of natural causes as an old man.  Will Cuba continue to fight against the scourge of imperialist capitalism?

13. Rob Riggle’s set during The Rob Lowe Roast on Comedy Central.  Absolutely killer.  The wretched Ann Coulter got it the worst.

14. Batman: The Killing Joke.  A surprisingly dark animated version of the graphic novel that deserved a more traditional and longer theatrical release.  Far superior to the disappointing Mask Of The Phantasm, it features a much stronger performance from longtime Joker Mark Hamill.  We could be spared the mercifully brief musical number, though.

15.  The #NoDAPL protest at Standing Rock in North Dakota.  A noble cause that is literally life and death for an already marginalized and brutalized Indigenous community.  We must all rally around these heroic water protectors.

16. Mohamedou Slahi was finally released from Gitmo.  The best-selling author deserves reparations and an apology for his disgusting torture at the hands of the United States government.  Absolutely shameful.

17. The Getaway by The Red Hot Chili Peppers.  They take five years now to put out new albums but the wait is always worth it.  Still funky and instantly accessible, even in middle age.

18. Corrupt, decrepit racist Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio lost his latest bid for re-election and was indicted by the Department of Justice.  The end is near for this fascist monster.  Finally.

19. The Triple Threat number one contender’s match between Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar at Fastlane.  Fantastic action despite the expected outcome.

20. Green Day’s Revolution Radio.  I’m glad Billie Joe Armstrong got sober.

21. The List Of Jericho.  Sheldon Cooper called.  He wants his funny gimmick back.  Uh oh.  I just made the list.

22. The Lazarus soundtrack.  Three more David Bowie gems.  Plus, Dexter sings!  A genuine surprise.

23. Canada won 22 medals at the Summer Olympics, 16 of which were earned by women including the hardworking soccer and rugby squads, their best effort in 20 years.  Penny Oleksiak, Andre De Grasse, Rosie McLennan and Derek Drouin were among the standout individual athletes who excelled in Brazil.

24. AJ Styles’ debuted at the Royal Rumble, feuded with Chris Jericho, Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns and John Cena, and became WWE Champion.  Superstar of the year.  His Extreme Rules match with Reigns in particular was filled with entertaining spots.

25. The AIDS Crisis and Greed Is Good episodes of CNN’s The Eighties.  There remains no cure for both.

26. Weezer’s “White Album”.  Their record sales may have plummeted but Rivers Cuomo hasn’t forgotten how to craft a catchy alt-rock sing-a-long.

27. All the good films I screened this year:  The Omen (1976), Misery, The Visit, Anthony Shaffer’s The Wicker Man (first version), Ginger Snaps, Crimson Peak, Fantasia 2000, Rockshow, Elvis: That’s The Way It Is, Mission: Impossible III, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, The Maltese Falcon (1931), Satan Met A Lady, The Desert Trail, the original Invasion Of The Body Snatchers, the original D.O.A., the original Psycho, Monterey Pop and Shock.

28. The Miz’ passionate promo on Daniel Bryan during Talking Smack.  The most entertaining mic work he’s ever done.  The Yes Man could’ve easily shut down his argument.  He walked off the set instead.  What a mistake.  The segment may have single-handedly revived the fortunes of the InterContinental Champion.

29. Game two of the Montreal/Toronto MLS semifinal series.  The first time Canada has gotten legitimately excited about mens soccer in 30 years.  An atmospheric juggernaut with plenty of goals, rain, smoky flares and suspense.

30. The Tragically Hip’s final concert on CBC.  Bittersweet and engaging from start to finish.

31. The Tragically Hip’s Man Machine Poem.  Certainly not their best offering but if it’s their final musical statement, it will certainly suffice.  After 30 years, they’re not afraid to experiment with new sounds and ideas.

32. The term “Divas” was finally retired by the WWE.  All women who wrestle for the company are now superstars like the men.  It’s about goddamn time.

33. Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair for the renamed Womens Championship at WrestleMania 32.  Incredible spots, high drama, tremendous workmanship.  It should’ve been the main event.  An honourable mention to the ladder match for the InterContinental strap.  A fine exhibition for the future of the company.

34. The hour-long debate between “Donald Trump” and “Bernie Sanders” on @Midnight.  Hilarious.

35. Radiohead’s A Moon Shaped Pool.  More melodic elegance as Thom Yorke beautifully mourns the end of his relationship to Rachel Owen who sadly died of cancer this year.

36. Kevin Owens.  Bam Bam Bigelow without the tattoos and better promos.  His elevation to the main event in just two years is a testament to his considerable skill as a performer.  And he’s Canadian.

37. Braun Strowman.  Turns out he’s much more effective without Bray Wyatt.  And he might be the fastest big man in the business today.  A monster heel with great potential.  He looks like he belongs.

38. WikiLeaks.  The #DNCLeaks and the #PodestaEmails exposed The Democratic Party for what it actually is:  cynical, snobby, clueless and neoliberal.

39. Watching Blu-rays for the first time.  Man, oh man, what a world of wonder I’ve been missing.  Thanks Mom and Dad!

40. The guy from Edmonton who found an escaped cat under a train and took him home before reuniting him with his relieved owner from Saskatchewan.  A Festivus miracle.

41. Hot Hot Heat’s final album.  A hooky farewell from one of Vancouver’s finest.

42. Nancy Grace’s Headline News show was finally cancelled.  Even CNN can’t stand her anymore.

43. The Last Man Standing match between Kevin Owens & Dean Ambrose at the Royal Rumble for the InterContinental title.  It’s no wonder Owens is World Champion on Raw now.  Stellar.

44. Kings Of Leon’s Walls which stands for We Are Like Love Songs.  It should be doing brisker business.  Not a bad song in the mix.

45. Smackdown started broadcasting live.  No more spoilers leaking out days in advance.

46. Billy Talent’s Afraid Of Heights.  Punchy and political at times, rocking and rolling all of the time.

47. Tom Mulcair was given a no-confidence vote by the NDP.  He was never a true socialist.

48. Bernie Sanders’ historic campaign for President, the most successful Jewish candidate in American history.  If it wasn’t for the Clintonistas, he would be moving into the White House next month.  They screwed him like the ignorant assholes they are.

49. Brooke Henderson won a major LPGA tournament as a teenager.  More success coming in 2017?  Let’s hope so.

50. Milos Raonic made the Wimbledon finals, a first for a Canadian tennis player.  Too bad he didn’t win.

51. The Golden State Warriors record-setting regular season win-loss record.  Unfortunately, Cleveland came from behind to snag the NBA Championship from them in the finals.  LeBron James will not be denied.

52. Mark Rylance upset Sylvester Stallone for the Best Supporting Actor Oscar.  Score one for the anti-Zionists.

53. Dean Ambrose cut up Chris Jericho’s silly Lite Brite jacket.  The Scarf Era has begun.  Drink it in, man.

54. Every Womens Championship match on Raw between Sasha Banks and Charlotte Flair.  The best TV rivalry of the year.  I don’t understand why the WWE doesn’t allow The Boss a longer title run.  She deserves one.

55. Pearl Jam is going into The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame next year.

56. The #CureForKenza campaign.  This adorable little girl has a second chance at life.  May she make the most of it and thoroughly enjoy her childhood.

57. San Francisco 49er quarterback Colin Kaepernick’s National Anthem protest.  It’s a shitty, racist song and we don’t need to hear it anymore.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Friday, December 30, 2016
11:41 p.m.

50 Things I Loathed About 2015

1. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper died.

2. The CIA torture report remains classified.

3. Canada didn’t win the Womens’ World Cup.  At least they made it to the quarterfinals this time.

4. Hulk Hogan’s disgusting racism was exposed.  Hulkamania is dead.

5. The startling rise in global anti-Muslim hatred.  From vandalism and the torching of mosques to cruel remarks to ongoing mass surveillance to violent acts against women who wear hijabs and niqabs, Sikh men and others to the family who was forbidden from going to Disneyland to 14-year-old Ahmed Mohamed being persecuted for making a clock to the constant torturing and droning of civilians in the Middle East and the despicably cold treatment of refugees fleeing in absolute terror, this decent community has suffered long enough.  It must stop now.

6. Jon Stewart ended his 16-year run hosting The Daily Show.  Trevor Noah has not made anyone forget that.

7. AJ Brooks left the WWE.  One of the best characters and performers of the decade thus far.  She’ll be missed.

8. Donald Trump’s racism and sexism.  It’s enough already.

9. Rob Ford has cancer again.  Hope he makes a full recovery.  Such an awful disease.

10. Despite being caught deflating footballs during a play-off game, The New England Patriots still won the Super Bowl.  Fuck the NFL.

11. Wes Craven died.

12. The NDP’s pitiful performance in the Canadian federal election.  Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to elect a leader who almost joined the Conservatives.

13. President Obama’s ongoing financial support of Middle Eastern dictators, most notably Sisi in Egypt and Netanyahu in Apartheid Israel.  The unspeakably cruel war against Muslims & Palestinians continues unabated.

14. Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka was arrested for murdering his girlfriend.  Why did it take more than 30 years to close the case?  Vince McMahon and many of Snuka’s former allies have a lot of explaining to do, as well as the original investigators from 1983.

15. The horrific bombing of Doctors Without Borders hospitals in Yemen and Afghanistan.  Saudi Arabia and America have hands so bloody they are permanently stained.  These war criminals must be held accountable.

16. Bill Cosby’s endless gaslighting of his dozens of victims.  He’s already lost the public, now he’s going to lose millions in civil court thanks to several doomed-to-fail lawsuits.  (JANUARY 7 UPDATE:  And he could also go to jail for assaulting Andrea Constand, thanks to last-minute criminal charges filed right before the start of 2016.)  Good thing Cosby Show reruns are profitable.

17. Porn star James Deen, the latest high profile man to be accused of multiple rapes.

18. The “terrorism” episode of CNN’s The Seventies.  Apartheid Israel got off way too easily while the Palestinian struggle was all too briefly mentioned and often misrepresented.

19. Elise Labott was suspended by CNN for tweeting compassion for Syrian refugees, then apologized.  Fuck CNN.

20. Scott Weiland died.  Drug addiction is a fucking bitch.

21. All the awful movies I suffered through this year:  I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights; Hiding Out; Disorganized Crime; Consuming Passions; The Purge: Anarchy; Blended; Tammy; Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen; Resident Evil: Afterlife; Resident Evil: Retribution; Man Of The House (1995); The Money Pit; The Sender; The Secret Of My Success; Underworld Awakening (twice); Sex Tape; Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde; Prom Night (1980); Dragnet; See No Evil (2006); Maniac (1980); Stagefright: Aquarius; The Reunion; The Walking Deceased; Winnie The Pooh (2011); Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs; Ice Age: Continental Drift; The Messengers; A Night At The Roxbury; Curtains (twice); The Toolbox Murders (1978); Scary Movie 3; Scary Movie 4; Scary Movie 5; Evan Almighty; Horrible Bosses (mostly twice), Ouija; John Carpenter’s The Ward; Weekend At Bernie’s; The Man With One Red Shoe; The Dream Team; Summer Rental; See No Evil, Hear No Evil; Walk Of Shame; Zookeeper; Planet 51; Supercross; Leprechaun 2; Horrible Bosses 2; Sleepaway Camp; Money Train; The Monster Squad; Soul Man; 18 Again!; I Spit On Your Grave (1978 & 2010); Halloween III: Season Of The Witch; Halloween 4: The Return Of Michael Myers; Halloween 5; Halloween: Resurrection; Halloween (2007), Halloween II (2009); Angel, Angel, Down We Go; The Lost Boys; The Boy Next Door; Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian; Night At The Museum: Secret Of The Tomb; Turner & Hooch; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III; Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed; Unfriended; God Told Me To; The Lords Of Salem & House Of 1000 Corpses.

22. Kim Davis, the Kentucky public official who refused to issue marriage licenses to gay couples.  Great.  Yet another right-wing martyr on the wrong side of history.  Can we please find a way to fire her?

23. The sudden, painful injuries of Seth Rollins, Cesaro, Tyson Kidd, Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton.  The WWE can’t afford to lose anymore top-tier performers.

24. Jared Fogle was exposed, tried and convicted of being a pedophile.  How much did Subway know?

25. My monthly Internet bill is now over 30 bucks.  Why is dial-up so fucking expensive now?

26. All the innocent Americans, mostly Black, wrongly murdered by police officers.  When will Black lives actually start to matter to law enforcement and the government?

27. Saudi Arabia persecutes and beheads way more innocent people than ISIS but keeps getting billions in military aid from the Obama Administration, the Cameron Administration and the now defunct Harper government.  Sickening.

28. The fascist campaign to defund Planned Parenthood thanks to discredited, suspiciously edited videos by an anti-abortion group.  If you don’t like abortion, don’t get one.  Let women decide for themselves what they want to do about their reproductive health.  It’s not your business, fuckers.

29. The ongoing persecution of Bowe Bergdahl.  Honourably discharge this good man already and let him get on with his life.

30. Barrett Brown, Chelsea Manning, Jeffrey Sterling, Matt DeHart and the Hammond brothers are all still incarcerated.  President Obama’s true legacy as the jailer of truth tellers who expose his criminal acts.

31. All the mass shootings in America.  The NRA and gun manufacturers must be challenged more forcefully in 2016.

32. The USA Freedom Act.  A very weak “reform” law.  How about defunding the NSA instead?

33. Donald Trump’s denunciation of former POW Bergdahl.  He’s not a “traitor”, asshole, he’s a torture survivor.

34. Rahm Emanuel is still the mayor of Chicago despite helping to cover up a police murder with his own police department for a year.  The living definition of a piece of shit.

35. Dusty Rhodes died.

36. Alan Kurdi and all the refugees who died trying to flee to safety from the wars in the Middle East.  We must take them in and give them a fresh start.  After all, we’ve been destroying their home countries for years.

37. Hillary Clinton’s mostly white feminist supporters.  You’re setting yourself up for disappointment.  Why not rally around Jill Stein instead?

38. NBC fired Donald Trump from The Apprentice then allowed him to host SNL.  Way to be consistent in your “values”.

39. Neither The Toronto Blue Jays nor The Chicago Cubs made it to the World Series this year despite both getting to the second round of the play-offs in their respective leagues.

40. The horrid, anti-democratic C51 was passed.  Don’t expect Prime Minister Trudeau to repeal it.

41. The horrible stampede at Mecca.  Because Saudi Arabia is a Western ally with oil, there is no justice.

42. The January & November massacres in Paris, France.  So much for “we fight them there so we don’t have to fight them here”.

43. CNN’s constant fearmongering about “terrorism” thanks to reporting every unsubstantiated Obama Administration talking point on-air.  Why don’t they just rename it the “we’re all gonna die network”?

44. Stephen Colbert’s first Late Show.  So bad I bailed about halfway through.  I’ve yet to sit through a full episode.

45. The 50 Shades Of Grey movie.  S&M Twilight.  The least stimulating sex scenes of 2015.

46. The Woman In Black 2.  The atmospherically spooky first one made sense.  Uneven number two wants to inspire a franchise it can never be.

47. Shameless Zionist Sheldon Adelson bought the Las Vegas Journal-Review.  This won’t end well.

48. Howard Stern’s deplorable smearing of Roger Waters who supports BDS and a free Palestine.  Apartheid Israel has the worst allies.

49. Wife beater Ray Rice won almost all of his back pay (some 3 million dollars) after successfully suing the Baltimore Ravens for firing him after his pitifully soft 2-game suspension.  The only good news is that he’s not currently playing in the NFL.

50. Gitmo is still open.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Monday, December 28, 2015
2:52 a.m.

Published in: on December 28, 2015 at 2:53 am  Comments (2)  

50 Things I Loved About 2014

1. Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt at the Royal Rumble.  Two stellar talents putting on a clinic in the first match of a pay-per-view that easily bested the disappointing WrestleMania 30.

2. Jake “The Snake” Roberts’ WWE Hall of Fame induction speech.  Poignant, cathartic, painfully honest & even funny.  A much deserved honour for a superior ring psychologist.  Thanks for “masturbating our emotions”.

3. Coldplay’s Ghost Stories.  Who knew a “conscious uncoupling” would lead to a lovely set of tunes?

4. Rob Ford is no longer the Mayor of Toronto & Doug Ford is no longer on Toronto City Council.

5. Dylan Farrow’s powerful statement on the New York Times website against her estranged father & childhood abuser, Woody Allen.  It opened up a wide ranging public conversation about sexual assault & the celebrity assailants who often get away with it.

6. The executive summary of the CIA torture report was finally released after multiple delays.  Despite excessive redactions, its shocking revelations should inspire worldwide pressure to prosecute all guilty parties, past and present, even though the Obama Administration is very reluctant to do so themselves, the fucking depraved cowards.

7. Bruce Springsteen’s long awaited studio recording of American Skin (41 Shots).  His timing couldn’t have better.  The song of the year.

8. Germany won the World Cup for the 4th time while defending 2010 champions Spain didn’t even get out of their own group.

9. Jian Ghomeshi & Bill Cosby were finally exposed for the serial predators they’ve secretly always been for decades.  More proof that “nice guy” images are powerfully deceptive.  May their many victims finally get justice after all these decades.

10. Glenn Greenwald’s thoroughly frightening No Place To Hide.  The book of the year.

11. The ending of the final Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson.  Very funny homages to The Drew Carey Show, Newhart & The Sopranos.

12. “We’ll Meet Again”, the charming, strangely moving celebrity sing-a-long from the last Colbert Report.  The fake conservative pundit character might be resting in a coffin somewhere but the lid isn’t sealed.

13. Daniel Bryan vs. Triple H at WrestleMania 30.  The match of the year.  The post-match steel chair beatdown by H on Bryan’s arm was brutality at its finest.

14. Daniel Bryan winning the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, his 4th such title, at that same event.  Despite a slow start, the Triple Threat match with Randy Orton & Batista ultimately evolved into an entertaining main event featuring the pinnacle of the most unlikely babyface superstar of all time.  The right guy went over that night.

15. Interpol’s El Pintor.  Still plumbing the darkness for sexual release, this time without Carlos D.  Let’s not take another four years for album number six, ok guys?

16. Being asked to become a Huffington Post Contributor.  Seven posted pieces, thus far, with hopefully many more to come.  Talk about a big career break.  If only it was a paying gig.

17. Robyn Doolittle’s Crazy Town: The Rob Ford Story.  Just a small, fascinating taste of the insanity that is the Ford Family, plus a revealing look at how a difficult series of stories came together at The Toronto Star.  I’d love to see a sequel.  God knows there’s more than enough material for one.

18. Canada’s performance at the Winter Olympics.  Winning 25 medals four years after winning a record-setting 26 in Vancouver is pretty god damn impressive.

19. The eruption sequence in Pompeii.  Too bad the rest of the film isn’t as fun to watch.

20. U2’s Songs Of Innocence, the two-disc version.  There’s still plenty of vitality flowing through these middle aged bodies.

21. Weezer’s Everything Will Be Alright In The End.  The record Blue Album fans have been waiting 20 years to hear.  Rivers Cuomo’s voice hasn’t aged a day & he still has a trunkful of catchy melodies to share with the world.

22. Green Day is going into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame next year.  Fuck you, Johnny Rotten.

23. The astonishing fall of former LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling.  What took so long?

24. Invisible Children is on the verge of extinction.  You won’t be missed, phony White Savours.  Kony 2012 was an absolute fucking failure.

25. The #BlackLivesMatter movement.  The spirit of Martin Luther King lives on in a peaceful yet rightfully pissed off community tired of systemic mistreatment & disrespect by governments & law enforcement.  May they succeed in their ongoing quest for real change.  A tip of the hat as well to protesting fast food workers, Canada’s native community for demanding an inquiry into missing women & girls as well as fighting against the construction of new gas & oil pipelines and Palestinians for fighting their evil Israeli occupiers.  Righteous, moral courage is contagious.  May we all catch it.

26. Sloan’s Commonwealth.  More melodic elegance from The Canadian Beatles.

27. Belle Knox.  Smart, honest, defiant, ballsy & incredibly sexy.  After being outed by an asshole schoolmate at Duke University, she made the absolute most of a scary situation.  An excellent writer whose young voice will only grow stronger & smarter over time.  She’s also very sweet.

28. Mr. T’s hilarious yet completely sincere WWE Hall of Fame speech, an incredible tribute to his mom.  He shouldn’t have been cut off, though.  Let the man get all his thoughts out, for Christ’s sake.

29. CNN’s explosive reports on Veteran Affairs hospitals in the US shamefully covering up long waiting lists for patients, an uncomfortable reminder that governments still don’t give a shit about the damaged people who implement their heartless & failed foreign policies.  Drew Griffin deserves much praise for his dogged work.

30. Edward Snowden’s prime time interview with NBC’s Brian Williams.  He is the strongest, living reason to impeach President Obama.

31. The continuing bombshell reports on the NSA’s illegal, immoral mass surveillance programs.  Snowden’s whistleblowing continues to reverberate around the world.  Keep sweating, President Obama.

32. Recreational marijuana became legally available for sale in Oregon & Washington State.  The beginning of the end of the war on pot.  How much longer before everyone wants a piece of this lucrative action?

33. Michael Sam became the first openly gay player to be drafted by the NFL.  If only he had beaten up little kids & grown women, he’d be on a team right now.

34. The Intercept.  Finally rolling with regular updates, it’s the best new news site out there right now.  Fiercely adversarial & consistently revelatory.  Glenn Greenwald was absolutely right to leave The Guardian for this venture.

35. Kim Kardashian’s beautiful bare ass.  I like big butts & I cannot lie.

36. Damien Mizdow, The Miz’ stunt double.  Hilarious, despite being somewhat of a comedown from “The Intellectual Saviour of the Masses” gimmick.  On the plus side, however, he’s finally gotten a title push.

37. Big Wreck’s Ghosts.  Yes, Ian Thornley can scream like Chris Cornell but that’s part of the appeal.  Nearly 20 years after In Loving Memory Of…, they can still bring the rock.

38. Lana Del Rey’s inescapably dreamy West Coast.  I finally get it.

39. Police in Holland arrested a man they believed shamed & tormented Amanda Todd online to the point of suicide.  As CBC’s The Fifth Estate revealed, there are dozens more victims in multiple countries including Canada.  It is such a shame his arrest couldn’t have happened much sooner.  Todd may very well still be alive.  God knows it was possible.  But in a story full of so much tragedy, this very positive development may finally get us closer to understanding the full truth.

40. Antonio Cesaro bodyslamming The Big Show over the top rope to win the first ever Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal at WrestleMania 30.  Also, the handshake at the end was classy.  The Swiss Superman should’ve turned ‘face that night, one of the many fuck-ups the WWE made in 2014.

41. Barack Obama apologist Sophia Bush is still blocking me on Twitter, 18 months and counting.  My second proudest writing achievement next to becoming a Huffington Post Contributor.

42. Edward Snowden was given permission to stay in Russia for three more years, far away from the corrupt tentacles of Obama’s evil National Security State.  Plus, his girlfriend is now living with him.  Suck on that, Michael Hayden, you lying, spying, torturing, bald piece of shit.

43. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s numerous, growing political scandals including the now infamous George Washington Bridge closing.  May his political reputation continue to take the critical beating that it deserves.

44. Eric Cantor surprisingly lost a primary and resigned from Congress.  Now he can enjoy all the Britney Spears concerts he wants.

45. Eric Holder announced his forthcoming resignation as Attorney General.  His legacy will be decidedly mixed.  His constant hounding of whistleblowers & journalists, James Risen in particular, should not be forgotten or forgiven.

46. Egypt’s sham “justice system” which punishes critics, members of the Muslim Brotherhood & journalists doing their jobs like the Al Jazeera Three, & Obama’s continued financing of it.  Disgraceful on so many levels.

47. Lenny Kravitz’ Strut, which features some of his sexiest & most soulful arrangements.  Glad he’s still rocking out.  It’s not fair that he’s better looking than me, though.

48. Rachel Nichols’ welcome, adversarial grilling of serial woman beater Floyd Mayweather on CNN.  I wish every journalist treated him like the disgusting misogynist that he is.  Iron Mike Gallego’s stinging round-up of his criminal acts on DeadSpin deserves high praise, as well.

49. Sheldon Cooper telling his girlfriend Amy Farrah Fowler that he loves her for the first time, then kicking her out of his bedroom because girls aren’t allowed in there on The Big Bang Theory.  Perfect.

50. Eugenie Bouchard & Milos Raonic’s grand slam breakthroughs.  How long before either of them take home a major championship for Canada?

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Monday, December 29, 2014
3:06 a.m.

50 Things I Loathed About 2014

1. The Ultimate Warrior died.

2. Despite pulling out of the race for Mayor with just six weeks to go before the election & being diagnosed with a rare cancer, Rob Ford is once again a Toronto city councillor.

3. Gitmo is still open.

4. Israel’s heartless genocidal attacks on Gaza, The West Bank and the rest of the Occupied Territories.  Will long suffering Palestinians ever see justice?

5. Julian Fantino’s pitiful performance as the Minister of Veteran Affairs.  How does he still have his job?

6. Robin Williams & Philip Seymour Hoffman died, two superb talents killed by serious depression.  Can we please take mental illness more seriously now?

7. Boko Haram’s ongoing terror campaign in Nigeria which led to the kidnapping of hundreds of girls, only some of whom have managed to escape and reunite with their families.

8. Monday Night Raw is still 3 hours, has consistently terrible commentators, and remains unworthy of weekly consumption.  Ditto the 2-hour Smackdown.

9. Brock Lesnar ending The Undertaker’s WrestleMania streak.  Dreadfully boring match & the absolute wrong creative decision.  The Beast Incarnate didn’t need the added heat.  The Streak had to come to an end at some point, yes, but not like this.  Horrible & infuriating.

10. Morrissey’s World Peace Is None Of Your Business.  I waited 5 years for this forgettable, mean spirited piece of shit?  Maybe he’s already written his strongest melodies.  God knows I don’t care about his upcoming Ramones tribute.  Ugh.

11. CBC’s Terry Milewski’s strange refusal to cooperate & collaborate with Glenn Greenwald on Canadian mass surveillance stories.  A completely blown journalistic opportunity.  Milewski should be ashamed of his timidity.

12. ISIS’ decapitation videos.  Only Saudi Arabia & the US are allowed to be this barbaric, right, Barack Obama?

13. The Nut Job.  Poorly animated, sluggishly paced, almost completely unfunny.  Its only redeeming quality:  the guilty pleasure dance anthem Gangham Style playing over the end titles.

14. England couldn’t even get out of their group at the World Cup.  A depressing performance for a talented squad that needs a big kick in the shorts.

15. Robin Thicke’s Paula.  That’s not how you reconcile with your wife.  No wonder she wanted out.

16. GamerGate.  A stupid name for a stupid scandal started by assholes who care nothing about “ethics in video game journalism”, only their unjustified hatred for women.  Despicable.  All the feminist targets of their childish scorn deserve full apologies, restitution & their regular lives back.

17. Alberto Del Rio was fired for defending his ethnicity.  He is much missed in the WWE.

18. The retirement of CM Punk.  WWE blew this one big time, as well.  Let’s see how he does in the UFC next year.

19. The unfortunate injuries of Daniel Bryan & Roman Reigns.  The lost possibilities because of their long absences.

20. CNN’s embarrassingly excessive coverage of that missing Malaysian Airlines plane.  Despite weeks of breathless anticipation of its recovery & endless, pointless speculation, it remains completely unaccounted for.  A low point in the channel’s 34-year history.  Also pitiful at times were their on-the-scene reports during the Ferguson, Missouri protests & Israel’s illegal invasion of Gaza.  “Fuck CNN”, indeed.

21. A Haunted House 2.  Disgusting, sexist, slut shaming garbage.  Mark Henry, you should be ashamed of yourself.

22. Republican Congressman Michael Grimm’s scary threat to a NY1 reporter caught by a cameraman who had just finished shooting a quick on-camera interview with him.  Grimm eventually apologized.  He should resign, especially now that he’s a convicted felon.

23. Shaker Aamer & 63 other innocent, tortured men remain trapped in Gitmo, the American gulag.  All the rest have yet to have their day in court, a real court, not these fucking kangaroo “military tribunals”.  That’s not justice.

24. The heartbreaking fire that destroyed a senior’s home in L’Isle-Verte, Quebec in the middle of a bitterly cold winter which resulted in 32 deaths & 15 injuries.

25. Eden Alexander’s health scare & the nonsense she had to deal with while trying to raise money for her expensive medical bills.  The good news is, despite some rough months, she’s almost completely recovered now.  Very nice lady.  May she never be this sick again.

26. War Machine’s obscene assault against former girlfriend Christy Mack.  He belongs in prison for the rest of his life.  She deserves the full restoration of her health.

27. Megan Trainor’s All About That Bass.  An annoying song that will haunt wedding receptions for years to come.  I prefer Baby Got Back.

28. Michael Coren’s phony “apology” to the gay community in The Toronto Sun.  Until he publicly & privately supports full equality, don’t believe for a second that he’s changed because he hasn’t.

29. The Polar Vortex.  Whoever loves all this supremely cold weather is an emotionless psychopath.  I’ll stick with summer, thanks.

30. Sony cancelling The Interview’s wide Christmas Day theatrical release because of a bogus, empty threat from clever hackers.  Although they ultimately changed their mind & let independent theatres exhibit the film, and also made it available online, they looked incredibly stupid capitulating like this.  If it happens again, here’s hoping other studios are less cowardly.

31. The celebrity nude photo hack.  Unless these women want me to see them naked, I’m not going to invade their privacy without their permission.

32. The disturbing elevator video of Ray Rice knocking out his then-fiancé Jenay with one punch.  How is he not in prison?

33. Devil’s Due & Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones.  Two more compelling reasons to declare the “found footage” genre dead.

34. The Edmonton Oilers.  They’re so bad now I’m glad I stopped watching them play the few games that air on TV.  Time to resign, Craig MacTavish.  2006 is a distant memory.

35. The persecution of Matt Dehart.  Are you ever going to write about his case, Glenn Greenwald?

36. Chelsea Manning, John Kiriakou, Jeremy Hammond & Barrett Brown are all still in prison for opposing Obama’s growing, illegal National Security State.  Along with Dehart may their vengeful persecutions be over soon.

37. All the other terrible movies I saw this year:  Movie 43, 21 & Over, Cheech & Chong’s Next Movie, Cheech & Chong Still Smokin’, Goon, Fool’s Gold, 13 Ghosts (2001), Little Man, Mannequin, Mannequin: On The Move, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, What A Girl Wants, 21 Jump Street, My Bloody Valentine (1981), Nuns On The Run (it hasn’t aged well), Silent Hill: Revelation, Nightflyers, Grown-Ups 2, You’re Next, 30 Minutes Or Less, Project X (2012), The Hangover Part III, His Majesty The Scarecrow Of Oz & The Patchwork Girl Of Oz.

38. MuchMusic’s pitiful 30-minute “special” commemorating its 30th Anniversary.  It was hardly worthy of the channel’s important legacy as The Nation’s Music Station.  Then again, these days, it’s only a shell of its former self.  A proper tribute devoted to its glory years would only reinforce that.

39. Suey Park’s #CancelColbert campaign.  An ignorant, hypocritical, self-important “activist” uses the old Fox News excuse (“I was only joking!”) to justify a complete waste of fake, collective online outrage.  I’ve yet to see proof she understands what satire is.  In the end, the only reason The Colbert Report is off the air is because the host got a new job.  He takes over for David Letterman next year.  As for Park, she’s off Twitter now.  Good riddance.

40. The abhorrent mistreatment of Rohingya Muslims in Myanmar.  Like the endless human rights violations of the Palestinians, the world continues to look the other way.

41. The Republicans won control of the Senate.

42. The sudden rise of Charles C. Johnson, already the most despised media hack of the new millennium.  Thankfully, he’s making way too many sloppy mistakes & enemies to survive for much longer.

43. Lena Dunham’s stunning revelation that she abused her sister when they were kids, her defensive, embarrassing “rage spiral” in response to the mostly genuine outrage over it, her ultimately bogus “apology” & the predominantly white feminists who gave her a pass for it.  If it was anybody else, they’d be chased out of Hollywood.

44. The murders of Eric Garner, John Crawford, Tamir Rice, Michael Brown & many more people of colour – male & female; young & old – by white, paranoid, racist American police officers.  The brutal, Israel-inspired militarization of law enforcement must be curbed, the sooner the better.  The days of cops getting away with criminal activity have to end right now.  The system is completely rigged in their favour.

45. The WWE Network debacle.  How not to unveil a new venture two years behind schedule.  Vince McMahon ended up losing half his fortune thanks to the company’s plunging stocks.  (Actually, I love that last part.)

46. Howard Stern’s ongoing support for torture, an internationally recognized war crime, & Israel’s decades-long genocide of the Palestinians, especially the horrors unleashed on Gaza in the summer.  I’m done with this asshole.

47. Elliott Rodger, his frightening misogynistic murder spree, that creepy video with the sunlight in his face & that deeply troubled manifesto.  What the hell happened to this kid?

48. James Avery, Uncle Phil from The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air & Shredder from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon, died on New Year’s Eve 2013.

49. The WWE’s ongoing association with serial woman beater Floyd Mayweather.  Chris Jericho, Triple H & Jim Ross, you all sicken me.

50. Rolling Stone’s much criticized report on an alleged gang rape at the University of Virginia.  Of all the important stories to fuck up, why did it have to be this one?  This better not set back all the tremendous progress made by feminists this year in combating rape culture.  For the record, I still believe the woman at the centre of the UVA story was violated.  Like all victims of sexual assault, she deserves justice & peace of mind.  Unfortunately, Rolling Stone has made that very difficult for her now.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Monday, December 29, 2014
2:34 a.m.

World Cup 2014 Doppelgangers

English Captain Steven Gerrard

Ricky Gervais

Italian striker Mario Balotelli

Robbie Sinclair from TV’s Dinosaurs

Mexican referee Marco Rodriguez

A young Arnold Schwarzenegger

Algerian defender Rafik Halliche

WWE superstar Wade Barrett

Greek striker Lazaros Christodoulopoulos

Backstreet Boy Kevin Richardson

American goalkeeper Tim Howard

Rapper/Actor Common

Cameroon goalkeeper Charles Itandje

A young Mr. T

(Photos taken from telegraph.co.uk, zap2it.com, express.co.uk, dailyoftheday.com, dailymail.co.uk, zimbio.com, stu-bennett.com, the-void.co.uk, nndb.com, bossop.wordpress.com, edgecastcdn.net, gettyimages.com and andrewkardon.com.)

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
3:19 a.m.

UPDATE:

Italian referee Nicola Rizzoli

Comedian Jim Breuer

(Photos taken from wikimedia.org and wc.arizona.edu.)

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
6:08 p.m.

Published in: on June 25, 2014 at 3:19 am  Comments (1)  

36 Things I Loved About The 2014 Winter Olympics

1. The beautiful snow-capped mountains that could be clearly seen during all the daytime skiing events.  Breathtaking.

2. The fact that the mayor of Sochi, Russia is named Anatoly Pakhomov.  Yes, he has “homo” in his last name.  Oh, the irony.

3. All the kind athletes who adopted those abandoned stray dogs.  I’m not a pooch fan by any means but this was lovely.  These critters will now enjoy happy lives.

4. Canadian Gilmore Junio’s decision to give up his spot in the mens’ 1000 metre long track speed skating competition to teammate Denny Morrison.  Morrison should’ve qualified at a pre-Olympics event but because he fell just a short distance from the finish line, he missed the cut.  Thanks to a coach’s suggestion, Junio offered Morrison his spot in the Olympics.  Morrison ended up winning Silver.  He also secured a Bronze in the 1500 metres.  Both medals were his first individual achievements in the Olympics.

5. The Canada vs. US womens’ hockey final.  The Canadians were extremely fortunate to win their fourth consecutive gold medal in an absolute thriller of a finish.  It was the most entertaining game of the entire Olympics.

6. There were no terrorist attacks, despite widespread fears and the ongoing crisis in nearby Ukraine.

7. Canadian cross country coach Justin Wadsworth offering a new ski to Russian Anton Gafarovski who was struggling to finish the semifinals of the mens’ free sprint with a broken one.  (He had a couple of bad falls earlier in the race.)  Gafarovski was the last competitor in the event and thanks to the sweet gesture by Wadsworth he was able to cross the finish line.

8. That mysterious Russian guy at the medal ceremonies who pronounced Canada “Cahn-ah-dee” in his native tongue.  I can’t stop imitating him.

9. The three French-Canadian Dufour-Lapointe sisters, two of whom won the top two spots in female moguls.  Sigh.

10. The excellent CBC segment on three Canadian male figure skaters and their historic struggles at the Olympics.  Hearing first-person accounts from Kurt Browning, Elvis Stojko and Brian Orser many years after their famous Gold medal disappointments was sobering, enlightening and increased my respect for all three men.  Patrick Chan now knows how they all feel.

11. Swiss hockey player Luca Cunti.  Somewhere in America, Howard Stern is giggling.

12. The Russian fan who wore a makeshift miniature podium on his head at a ski jumping event.

13. Jennifer Jones and her amazing curling team.  The Manitoba native led her squad to Canada’s first Gold medal in female curling in 16 years.  And they did it without losing a game.  Awesome.  More sighing.

14. The US mens’ hockey team didn’t score a single goal in their last two games of the tournament.

15. French-Canadian Charles Hamelin and Marianne St. Gelais are not only still romantically involved, they both won medals in short track speed skating.  Hamelin won a Gold in the mens’ 1500 metre individual final and St. Gelais earned a Silver with three teammates (Jessica Hewitt, Valerie Maltais, Marie-Eve Drolet) in the womens’ 3000 metre team relay.  Sweet.

16. Canadian Snowboarder Mark McMorris won a Bronze in the first-ever mens’ slopestyle with a broken rib.

17. 41-year-old Japanese ski jumper Noriaki Kasai finally made it back to the podium 20 years after his first Olympic games in 1994.  He won an individual Silver on the large hill and a Bronze in the team event.  And yes, he’ll be back in 2018.  It will mark his eight consecutive Winter Olympic appearance.  Astounding.

18. 43-year-old Teemu Selanne’s memorable final performance for Finland in the Bronze medal hockey game.  The longtime Anaheim Duck scored two goals (one of them a clever backhand) to help his team skunk America 5-0 in his last Olympic appearance.  There were plenty of hugs to go around.

19. Canadian Jan Hudec ended his country’s 20-year medal slump in alpine skiing.  He shared a Bronze with Bode Miller in the mens’ Super-G.

20. Womens’ ski jumping finally debuted.  What took the IOC so long?

21. The introduction of slopehill and slopestyle.  Good Lord, these men and women are gutsy and supremely talented.  Exciting events.

22. The camaraderie between all the freestyle skiers and snowboarders at the bottom of the hill.  Really nice to see.

23. Goaltender Carey Price’s overall performance for Canada’s male hockey team.  If only he played that well for the Habs, my Dad wouldn’t rag on him so much.

24. Those astoundingly beautiful female curlers.  Swoon.

25. Mogul skier Alexandre Bilodeau, female bobsledders Kaillie Humphries & Heather Moyse, and the mens and womens hockey teams all repeated as Olympic champions for Canada after winning Gold in Vancouver four years ago.  Amazing.

26. The electronic projections on Fisht Olympic Stadium’s roof.  So cool.

27. Latvian goalie Kristers Gudlevskis’ outstanding performance in the mens quarterfinal game against Canada.  He made 55 saves.  Canada won a squeaker 2-1.

28. NBC’s fascinating 20-year anniversary retrospective of the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding story that led to the famous showdown at the Lillehammer Olympics.  I never fully appreciated what Kerrigan went through until I watched this special.  She is a remarkably gracious and empathetic human being, a far more sympathetic figure than the self-victimizing Harding who still denies the important role she played in her own needless downfall.

29. Canadian Skeleton racer John Fairbairn’s brain helmet.  Nifty.

30. Canada’s encouraging progress in luge.  Three fourth place finishes overall.  Our best ever.  Will we finally make the podium in 2018?  Let’s hope so.

31. Ron MacLean’s prime time segments with Clara Hughes and Adam Van Koeverden.  Despite taking place in the middle of the night in Russia, the discussions about athlete depression and inspirational Olympic stories were most welcome.

32. The Russian singers who sang Daft Punk’s Get Lucky during the Opening Ceremonies.

33. Those notes of encouragement Canadian athletes sent to each other for inspiration.  Kaillie Humphries and Heather Moyse’s written message to the womens’ hockey team led the squad to write one of their own for their male counterparts.  They proved effective.  For the second Olympics in a row, Canada was unbeatable in hockey.

34. The crowd reactions at the Canadian Embassy in Washington, D.C. and businesses across the Great White North after goals were scored and victories were attained by the mens and womens’ national hockey teams in the semis and gold medal games.  Too bad they weren’t in Sochi.

35. Ron MacLean’s revealing interview with Kaillie Humphries and Heather Moyse.  The story of how they made peace after a major falling out makes their second Gold performance all the more impressive.

36. Canada’s overall medal count:  10 Golds, 10 Silvers, 5 Bronze.  Our second best tally ever.  We had 26 in Vancouver (14 of which were Gold).  Lots to be proud of in 2014.  Looking forward to 2018.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Monday, February 24, 2014
3:21 a.m.

Published in: on February 24, 2014 at 3:21 am  Comments (1)  

26 Things I Hated About The 2014 Winter Olympics

1. The nine-hour time difference between here and Sochi, Russia.  As a result, the only live events I was able to watch on TV were broadcast after midnight (9 a.m. Russian time) and in the early afternoon before 3 p.m. (midnight Russian time).  Watching important moments replayed long after they happened isn’t nearly as exciting.

2. The creepy revelation that Russia had secret surveillance installed in hotel bathrooms.  Chuck Berry would be proud.

3. No Brian Williams.  The former CBC broadcaster’s absence was clearly felt throughout the past two weeks.  Remind me again why he was let go in the first place.

4. The horrible mistreatment of punk rock protest group Pussy Riot by the Russian authorities.  Why is the government so afraid of dissent?

5. No medals for Canada’s female long track speed skaters.  How badly we miss Cindy Klassen, Kristina Grove and Clara Hughes.

6. No medals for Canada’s skeleton competitors, either.  Poor Mellisa Hollingsworth crapped out again and 2010 Gold medallist Jon Montgomery didn’t even qualify.

7. More doping scandals.  Will the Olympics ever be drug-free?

8. NBC’s continuing disinterest in offering live coverage.  Thank goodness for CBC, TSN and Sportsnet.

9. Canada 3’s dreadfully scary crash near the end of their second run in the four-man bobsled competition.  Imagine being in a flipped over sled sliding on your head at breakneck speed for about 20 straight seconds.  Not fun.  Good thing all four guys wore helmets and are reportedly ok.

10. The endless controversy over figure skating judging.  Will it ever be considered completely legitimate and free of shady political agendas?

11. All those commercial breaks during the Closing Ceremonies.  Why can’t this be aired commercial-free?

12. That dopey linesman who nearly cost the Canadian women the gold medal in the hockey final.  The team is very lucky that that American shot hit the post while the net was empty.  If it went in, we would’ve never heard the end of it.

13. The phony controversy over Lebanese skier Jacky Chamoun’s sexy pics.  Why do we hate female sexuality so much?  Dumb.

14. Canada didn’t win any Gold medals in figure skating.

15. Russian long track speed skater Olga Graf quickly zipping her skin tight outfit back up after realizing that she wasn’t wearing anything up top underneath.  Damnit.

16. Charles Hamelin’s numerous falls during various short track speed skating qualifiers.  So unfortunate.

17. The criticism regarding Canada’s male hockey team not scoring enough goals.  As long as they were winning, who gives a shit?

18. The moment from the Opening Ceremonies where the malfunctioning fifth ring didn’t work correctly wasn’t shown on Russian TV.  They showed the rehearsal footage where it did work instead.  So silly.

19. 2010 Canadian Olympic Snowboard Cross Champion Maelle Ricker didn’t successfully defend her title.  In fact, she didn’t even make it to the podium at all this time.  She finished a disappointing 21st.

20. All those nasty wipeouts in the freestyle and downhill skiing events.  The more we learn about concussions, the more I fear for the mental health of these fallen athletes.  Nasty.

21. There’s still no two-women luge nor four-women bobsled events.  Why?

22. The IOC refused to allow athletes to pay tribute to the late skier Sarah Burke by acknowledging her on their helmets.  Cold-hearted bastards.

23. CBC commentators Glenn Healy, Craig Simpson and Jim Hughson talking about anything but the Finland/US Bronze medal game on a couple of occasions during play.  Stop being influenced by Monday Night Raw’s announce team.  It’s annoying.

24. The unfortunate crashes that eliminated a number of Canadian freestyle skiers in the quarterfinal and semifinal heats.  Heartbreaking and infuriating.

25. Toronto Mayor Rob Ford jumping up and down like an idiot in City Hall after one of Canada’s hockey teams scored.  Hasn’t he reached his bottom yet?

26. The next Winter Olympics will be held in South Korea in 2018.  Can we please pick a country not surrounded by hostility and in a better time zone?  Dictators and vast time differences suck.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Monday, February 24, 2014
3:05 a.m.

Published in: on February 24, 2014 at 3:05 am  Comments (1)  

What Rocked In 2013

1. David Bowie’s The Next Day.  Slowly recorded in secret over two years, it marked his first proper studio album in a decade.  Even in his mid-60s the British legend can still reel you in with his ageless vocal and a sharp, melodic hook.

2. Edward Snowden.  His heroic whistleblowing may finally lead to the end of the American Surveillance State and the Obama Presidency.

3. The song Howard Wolowitz performs with his friends for his beautiful wife Bernadette on The Big Bang Theory.  Very sweet and very funny.

4. I joined Twitter in January.  It’s been a lot more fun than expected.  Wouldn’t you agree, Sophia Bush?

5. Alberto Del Rio’s brutal assault on former personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez on Raw.  Way to generate heat, amigo.

6. The Rob Ford crack scandal.  Now the whole world knows what Toronto has endured for 13 years.

7. The Canadian Senate expense scandal.  The beginning of the end of the Stephen Harper era.

8. Pearl Jam’s Lightning Bolt.  22 years after Ten, they continue to produce fine albums.

9. The dangerous Paula Deen finally got yanked off the air.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t for her unhealthy recipes.

10. Bruno Sammartino made up with Vince McMahon and got inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame.

11. Jeremy Scahill’s Dirty Wars book.  Essential reading, especially for you, Ms. Bush.

12. Nine Inch Nails’ Hesitation Marks.  Can’t wait for the Greatest Hits next year.

13. Matt Striker was fired from WWE.  What took so long?

14. The Shield.  Too bad they’re about to split up.

15. All the great movies I finally watched this year:  Earth, The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Rises, Blade Runner, Blade Runner: The Director’s Cut, Blade Runner: The Final Cut, Citizen Kane, The Empire Strikes Back: Special Edition, Return Of The Jedi: Special Edition and Inglourious Basterds.

16. Sophia Bush blocked me on Twitter.  This is what you do when you can’t win an argument.

17. The Strokes’ Comedown Machine.  Julian Casablancas channels Prince in a surprisingly convincing manner.

18. Receiving a complimentary email by a member of Yukon Blonde for my rave review of their Tiger Talk CD.  Thanks, Jeffrey Innes!

19. Kevin was named Canada’s Worst Driver Ever.  He burned his license at the end of the finale.  Now about that new car he bought…

20. Depeche Mode’s Delta Machine.  Not only is it their best album in years, Heaven is one of their all-time greatest singles.  Deeply moving.

21. Lance Armstrong finally admitted to drug cheating on Oprah’s Next Chapter.  Only took ya 20 years, asshole.

22. Stoker.  From the director of the original Old Boy and written by the star of Prison Break, it’s a smart, creepy little thriller that deserved a much bigger audience than it received during its Spring theatrical release.  The beautiful Mia Wasikowska has a bright future.

23. AJ Lee won the Divas Championship at Payback in June.  Six months later, she’s still holding the gold.

24. President Obama backed off his dumb public campaign to drop bombs on the already beleaguered Syria thanks to a strong international backlash and an olive branch from Vladimir Putin.

25. Glenn Greenwald.  A longtime critic of the American Surveillance State, the former Guardian columnist got the scoop of a lifetime when, after a long courtship, he received Edward Snowden’s secret NSA documents.  2014 will be even bigger for him, thanks to his upcoming book.

26. Batkid.

27. CM Punk vs. Ryback in a ladder match for the WWE title on the first Raw in January.  Originally scheduled for TLC 2012, it was rebooked on free TV and was one of the best matches of the year.

28. Jamie Foxx’ very funny “Channing all over your Tatum” song that he performed on the post-Oscars edition of Jimmy Kimmel Live.  I still can’t get the chorus out of my head.

29. John Oliver’s three-month summer stint substitute hosting The Daily Show.  Some nights, he was even better than Jon Stewart.

30. The Defense of Marriage Act was struck down by the United States Supreme Court.  A huge victory for the LGBT community and gay bi-national couples, in particular.

31. Rand Paul’s epic filibuster protest of Obama’s immoral weaponized drones.  It put this criminally neglected issue back in the spotlight where it belongs.  (Sadly, it didn’t derail the confirmation of John Brennan as CIA director.)

32. I bought a new CD player that sounds great.  (Only one minor complaint:  there’s no way to know how much time is left on a track.  The counter only counts up, unfortunately.)

33. The Score (now Sportsnet360) finally started airing Monday Night Raw live without that unnecessary 15-minute tape delay.  Too bad I stopped watching it altogether.

34. Seth McFarlane’s performance hosting the Oscars.  He was surprisingly funny and can really sing.

35. Jim Parsons won his third Emmy playing Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory.  A career-defining part if ever there was one.

36. The awesome John Cusack helped establish the Freedom Of The Press Foundation, a much-needed adversarial journalism organization.  Take notes, Ms. Bush.

37. Lady Gaga’s incredibly supportive tweet of Chelsea Manning after her unfair conviction.  Sophia Bush stayed silent.

38. Antoinette Tuff.  Her remarkably calm demeanour saved countless lives.

39. Taram Killam’s hilarious speech critic on Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update.  The funniest thing he’s ever done.

40. The Carlos Danger theme song for Anthony Weiner’s alter-ego on The Daily Show.

41. The fast food worker protests.  They deserve a living wage, so give it to them.

42. The end of Windows Live Messenger.  I don’t miss it.

43. Justin Bieber’s relentlessly negative press regarding all of his dumb antics in 2013.  He’s a sexist jerk whose time in the spotlight is almost done.

44. Zeb Colter & Jack Swagger’s sly YouTube video message to Glenn Beck.  It put the whiny ignoramus right in his place.  Much praise to Colter as well for his often sharp, sometimes very funny, WWE promos.

45. Mick Foley’s WWE Hall Of Fame speech.  Loved the shoutout to the underappreciated Damien Sandow.

46. Antonio Cesaro’s giant swing.  It’s more over than he is.

47. The growing world criticism of Israel’s hypocritical mistreatment of Palestinians.

48. The rescue of Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus, and Michelle Knight.  May the rest of their lives be a lot happier and safer.

49. Ready To Die by Iggy & The Stooges.  A big lie.  There’s still plenty of life in the greatest frontman in rock history.

50. Franz Ferdinand’s Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action.  They take forever to put out new albums but they’re always worth singing along to.

51. Rob Van Dam, Goldust and Chris Jericho returned to the WWE.  (Look for Batista to come back in late January.)

52. Pussy Riot and the Arctic 30 were released from Russian prisons.

53. All the other good movies I saw this year:  Zombieland, Sinister, The Deer Hunter, Lawrence Of Arabia, True Crime, Gorky Park, Superman II, American Wedding, E.T. The Extra Terrestrial, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, Jimi Plays Berkeley, The Wild Bunch and The X-Files.

54. Atheist In The Foxhole, Joe Muto’s insightful, amusing memoir of his near-decade stint at Fox News.  (He was Gawker’s short-lived “Fox Mole” last year.)  A lot more fair and balanced than his former place of business pretends to be.

55. The final Stefon appearance on Saturday Night Live.  A fitting end for Bill Hader’s funniest original character.

56. Abdulelah Haider Shaye, a Yemeni, anti-Al Qaeda journalist, was finally freed after Obama, deeply unhappy about his critical coverage of American drones two years ago, wanted him silenced.  He should never have been locked up in the first place.

57. Mechanical Bull by Kings Of Leon.  It’s as radio-friendly as Only By The Night.

58. The Chicago Black Hawks won the Stanley Cup.  Suck it, Bruins.

59. Zero Dark Thirty lost most of the Oscars it was up for.  It had to settle for a single technical gong that it had to share with Skyfall.

60. Texas Senator Wendy Davis’ epic filibuster over a needlessly overreaching anti-abortion law.

61. The Paul Heyman/CM Punk feud.  Great back-and-forth promos, brilliant build to the Punk/Lesnar SummerSlam match (which was terrific in its own right), compelling storytelling overall, with the exception of the ending.

62. The increasing acceptance of legalizing medical and recreational marijuana by the American public.  The death spiral of the drug war has begun.  (A special shoutout to CNN for their fascinating documentary on the remarkable powers of medical weed.  May it lead to the end of useless, heartless prohibition once and for all.)

63. Mark Henry’s fake retirement swerve on Raw.  The best promo he’s ever delivered.

64. Randy Orton powerslamming Rob Van Dam out of a Rolling Thunder during a Triple Threat number one World Heavyweight Championship contender’s match on Smackdown.  A spot so good they did it again in a later one-on-one match.

65. The stadium that looks like a vagina.  It’s actually pretty cool looking.

66. The Oscar acceptance speeches by Best Actress Jennifer Lawrence and Best Supporting Actress Anne Hathaway.  Both sweet and heartfelt.

67. Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H at WrestleMania 29.  The best match of the show, it was even superior to CM Punk vs. The Undertaker.

68. Bray Wyatt’s promos.  The best new character in the WWE.

69. The Rhodes Brothers won the tag team titles from The Shield.  A welcome second chance for The Bizarre One and a nice babyface reboot for Cody after his disappointing Sandow program.

70. AJ Lee’s fantastically brutal promo on the Total Divas cast on Raw.  No wonder she’s still the Divas Champion.  No one else is worthy.

71. Alberto Del Rio’s World Heavyweight title defenses against The Big Show at The Royal Rumble and Christian at SummerSlam, two seriously underrated encounters that deserved more praise.

72. The worldwide backlash against the NSA.  Long overdue.

73. The resurrection of the street protests.  International authoritarian governments should be very afraid.

74. Catfish.  The only MTV series where you actually learn something about the human condition.

75. Malala.  I wish I was as smart and compassionate when I was her age.

76. Canada’s anti-prostitution laws were struck down unanimously by the Supreme Court.

77. Stephen Colbert’s hilarious segment on the local Florida TV station that fell for an obvious prank regarding a Korean plane crash.  His fake names were even funnier.

78. Jeremy Scahill’s appearance on The Tonight Show.  His passionate, factually based outrage over Obama’s war crimes is sorely lacking in the mainstream press.

79. President Obama’s lousy approval ratings.  May they continue to plummet.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Sunday, December 29, 2013
7:09 p.m.

What Sucked In 2013

1. Nelson Mandela died.

2. Roger Ebert died.

3. Lou Reed died.

4. Monday Night Raw became completely unwatchable.

5. Chelsea Manning was sentenced to military prison for 35 years because she exposed American war crimes.

6. CM Punk lost the WWE Championship to The Rock at The Royal Rumble in a match that did not live up to expectations.  Not even close.  Punk should still be the champion.

7. Evil Dead.  Not an improvement over Sam Raimi’s overrated original.

8. The Bella Twins returned to the WWE.

9. The Miz’ babyface run.  He gave you no reason to root for him.

10. Director of National Intelligence James Clapper hasn’t been prosecuted for lying to Congress.

11. Toronto Mayor Rob Ford didn’t resign his office and hasn’t been arrested for any of his publicly disclosed legally dubious transgressions.

12. Dolph Ziggler’s unfortunate concussion which led to an abbreviated World Heavyweight Championship reign.  His unpersuasive face turn is even worse.  Like The Miz, he hasn’t changed anything about his character.

13. The media’s blatant misrepresentation of Pope Francis.  He’s no liberal reformer.

14. Howard Stern’s misguided support for the NYPD’s discredited, discriminatory Stop and Frisk program, which is now thankfully on the decline.  Maybe if he was Black or Hispanic he would understand the outrage.

15. George Zimmerman was acquitted of killing Trayvon Martin.  A botched, overzealous prosecution got in the way of real justice.  We may never know the whole story.

16. My nasty migraine that lasted for weeks back in the late Spring.  (Thanks to my doctor for suggesting Aleve.  That shit works.)

17. U2’s next studio album didn’t get released.  (It’s out in March.)

18. Austin Aires wasn’t fired from TNA for being a sexist dick to ring announcer Christy Hemme on Impact Wrestling.

19. Paul Walker died.

20. Jeffrey Toobin’s dopey comments about Edward Snowden and Glenn Greenwald’s husband, David Miranda.  Why has he been taking the government’s side on the mass surveillance issue?  Is he really this ignorant about the importance of whistleblowers and respecting privacy?

21. The new WWE Championship belt.  It did the impossible.  It made me nostalgic for the Spinner strap.

22. Evan Bourne still hasn’t returned to the WWE.

23. The firing of Jim Ross.  Is it his fault Ric Flair can’t be muzzled?

24. Renee Young on Vintage.  She’s even more annoying than Matt Striker.  I can’t watch it anymore.

25. Gitmo remains open despite a mass hunger strike involving most of the unconvicted detainees that caused a firestorm of controversy for much of the year.  (It’s still active today but with fewer participants and no more military updates.  The truth makes America look bad, you see.)

26. The unlawful force feeding of many of those same detainees.  Obama loves torturing innocent people just as much as Bush and Cheney ever did.

27. Cory Monteith died.

28. Along with the aforementioned Evil Dead remake, all the other awful movies I screened this year:  Zero Dark Thirty, Grown-ups, Beastly, House At The End Of The Street, Friday After Next, 50 First Dates, Texas Chainsaw, Beetlejuice, Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules, Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Dog Days, The Three Stooges remake, Cheech & Chong’s Up In Smoke, No Time For Sargeants, Meet Monica Velour, The Gate, The Purge, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Hold Your Breath, The Apparition, Spice World, Paranormal Activity 4, A Haunted House, Nanny McPhee and all 7 Saw movies.

29. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West hooked up and are now procreating.  Please make it stop.

30. The American federal government shutdown.  Way to piss off America, Republicans.

31. Dennis Rodman’s bizarre friendship with ruthless North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Un, a man who just had his uncle executed.

32. Curtis Axel.  Even the great Paul Heyman couldn’t get him over.

33. The Boston Marathon bombing.  Watching the footage of the bombs going off is still deeply unsettling.

34. The death of Paul Bearer.  Rest.  In.  Peace.

35. Tiger Woods started dating Lindsay Vonn.  She must have a bad memory.

36. James Gandolfini died.

37. The Egyptian military coup.  America truly doesn’t want Muslims to control their own destinies.  The Muslim Brotherhood are far from perfect but they were democratically elected.  How are they exactly “terrorists”?

38. The flood in Calgary.

39. The massive fire on the boardwalk on the Jersey Shore.  More heartbreak for citizens and business owners after the treachery of Superstorm Sandy last year.

40. Ted Cruz’ incredibly stupid filibuster against the Affordable Care Act.  A total waste of time and extremely self-serving.

41. An important element of the 1964 Civil Rights Act was struck down by the American Supreme Court.  It needs to be restored, pronto.

42. Despite winning the WWE Championship twice, Daniel Bryan never got a chance to have a lengthy title run.  Maybe in 2014.

43. The Bangladesh tragedy.  A jolting reminder of the importance of unions and the heartless indifference of greedy corporations.

44. The North American ice storm.  Shades of 1998 on a thankfully much smaller scale.

45. The tragic train explosion in Lac Megantic, Quebec.  Completely preventable.

46. Rolling Stone/Buzzfeed reporter and author Michael Hastings died.

47. Detroit filed for bankruptcy.

48. All the insane fuss over George, the Royal Baby.  Nobody cares.

49. The unfair prosecution of Justin Carter.  Drop it already.  He’s been punished enough.

50. The excessive coverage of the Jodi Arias murder trial.

51. Glenn Greenwald left The Guardian.

52. Russian President Vladimir Putin’s ruthless crackdown on LGBT citizens in his own country.

53. The mysterious murder of American teen Kendrick Johnson.  Will it ever be solved?

54. Alberto Del Rio’s half-year run as a babyface.  It was botched from the start and never recovered.

55. Alec Baldwin still can’t keep his temper in check.

56. President Obama’s drones are still killing innocent civilians.  Where is the accountability?

57. The nine hour detention of David Miranda, Greenwald’s husband, by British airport authorities.  If they thought this would stop the former lawyer from continuing to report on the NSA’s bullshit, they completely miscalculated.

58. Omar Khadr and John Kiriakou are still in prison for doing absolutely nothing wrong.  Barrett Brown and Jeremy Hammond are also being punished but for committing honourable acts of civil disobedience.  Free and pardon them all.

59. The DVD player in my TV only loads discs when it wants to and rarely on the first attempt.  (I know.  Woe is me.)  Got to figure out how to upgrade to Blu-Ray.

60. All the thousands of Americans murdered and wounded by guns since Newtown.  When will the madness end?

61. The typhoon in the Philippines.

62. Rhianna reunited with Chris Brown.  Thankfully, it was short-lived.

63. Howard Stern’s cluelessness on Edward Snowden.  When you find yourself agreeing with Scott DePace, dog beater and inventor of the Video Caddy, there’s something wrong with you.

64. Jean Stapleton died.  We’ll miss you, dingbat.

65. The Canadian penny was discontinued.  A major pain in the ass for retailers.

66. The phony controversy over Rolling Stone putting one of the alleged Boston Marathon bombers on its cover.  That same picture was used on the front of The New York Times earlier, so where was the anger then?

67. Storage Wars: Canada.  One spin-off too many.

68. John Cena and Randy Orton continue to get world title pushes.  Why?

69. Sophia Bush’s absolute refusal to criticize President Obama.  What will it take for her to wake up to reality and stop being such a big baby about my harsh comments?

70. I bought a new VCR/DVD combo player that was incompatible with my barely existing TV/DVD combo player.  Thankfully, it was returned for a full refund.  Still, what a huge disappointment.

71. Lara Logan wasn’t fired from 60 Minutes for her erroneous Benghazi report.

72. The return of Anthony Weiner’s penis.  Why is a married guy seeking other opinions?

73. Megyn Kelly of Fox News claiming she was just joking when she said Santa and Jesus are white.  No, you weren’t.

74. Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson’s awful comments about blacks and gays, and his support for marrying underage teenage girls.  Maybe it’s time for him to go back on drugs.

75. Aaron Swartz killed himself.  Shame on you, Department of Justice, for pushing him into an awful decision.

76. Time Magazine and The Advocate naming Pope Francis Person Of The Year.  Edward Snowden and Chelsea Manning, respectively, were more deserving.

77. Careless Teens.  See what you did, Jackass?

78. The Mali mall massacre.

79. The crackdown on Turkish protestors.

80. Nia Moore on The Real World: Portland.  What a fucking psycho.

81. President Obama remains in office despite imprisoning whistleblowers, investigating journalists, force-feeding mostly innocent hunger striking Gitmo detainees, and ordering the murders of Muslims without proof of wrongdoing via drones.  Where is the outrage?

82. The awesome Reeva Steenkamp, so much more than just a beautiful woman, was tragically murdered by her boyfriend, the once inspiring Paralympian Oscar Pistorius.  Will he get away with it?

83. The Huffington Post’s Bob Cesca.  Why is he more critical of Glenn Greenwald than Barton Gellman when they’ve reported on the exact same things?  And why is he downplaying the significance of Edward Snowden’s revelations?

84. Crossfire returned.  Was it really missed these past nine years?

85. Rand Paul’s plagiarism scandal.  Absolutely no excuse for it.

86. Alex Rodriquez was able to keep playing for the New York Yankees despite being caught using performance enhancing drugs.  Again.

87. The relentless criticism levelled against Seth McFarlane regarding his performance as Oscar host.  Feminists, I love you.  You’ve done so much good for the world, even today, but you’re wrong about this one.  He wasn’t sexist.  He was funny and clever.  (When he said you wouldn’t let things go, you proved him right.)

88. The Edmonton Oilers.  I can’t even watch their televised regular season games anymore.  Too depressing.

89. The Hamilton Tiger-Cats lost to The Saskatchewan Rough Riders in The Grey Cup.

90. Sophia Bush complained that I criticized her charity work.  Wrong.  I criticized her chronic inability to hold her “hero” President Obama to the same standard on human rights abuses as convenient villain of the moment, Joseph Kony of the Congo.  Her paraphrasing of my words is grossly inaccurate and deeply insulting.

91. CNN’s Chris Cuomo’s embarrassing prime-time interview with Amanda Knox.  Why is he so obsessed with her sex life?

92. Knox and ex-boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito are being retried in Italy in the Meredith Kercher murder case despite already being cleared and the real culprit already serving his sentence.

93. The ongoing sequester in America.  Far more damaging than the three-week shutdown.

94. Nigella Lawson’s awful year.  Choked out by her soon-to-be-ex-husband in public, accused of being a cokehead in a lawsuit.

95. The Rock vs. John Cena at WrestleMania 29.  I thought it would be better than their WrestleMania 28 encounter.  I was wrong.

96. Manti Te’o got catfished and covered it up.  Many can relate but few will admit it.

97. The media overhype over the nonexistent “Knockout Game”.  Stop scaring people.  That’s the NSA’s job.

98. The shooting death of Sammy Yatim by police while he was having an episode on a TTC streetcar.  What happened to peaceful negotiations leading to surrender?

99. The murder of Tim Bosma.  And for what?  His pick-up truck?  Despicable.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Sunday, December 29, 2013
6:18 p.m.