It’s been four years since he murdered her daughter. Four years of absolute silence. Where is he? Where did he go? And when will he strike again?
Michael Myers has long been the unstoppable killing machine. You can shoot the man in the expressionless mask multiple times, burn his entire body, electrocute him, stab him repeatedly. He. Just. Won’t. Die.
This has not only been a problem for the long suffering residents of Haddonfield, Illinois. It has also been an ongoing creative dilemma for the creators and inheritors of the Halloween franchise. After disappearing right at the end of the first movie in 1978, along with reason and common sense the laws of physics have long since been completely ignored and abandoned, all in the name of endless profit.
When the first sequel emerged three years later, John Carpenter and Debra Hill struggled to find a good reason to extend the terror. What if Myers and Laurie Strode were siblings? Six years after they first killed him off, in new pairs of less capable hands he was first resurrected for a tenth anniversary sequel that proved unintentionally silly.
More entries of varying mediocrity would follow, some honouring and extending the history of the series while others would rewrite it almost entirely. Some of these fateful decisions proved more insulting to our intelligence. (Myers being beheaded in number seven only to learn in number eight it was someone else.) Did they really expect us to swallow all this bullshit without complaining?
When the original Halloween turned 40, a new strategy was unveiled. What if we pretended there were no sequels at all and what if we went in a slightly different direction to start over?
Instead of being burned to a crisp, Myers gets apprehended shortly after being shot by Dr. Loomis. Rather than escaping a mental institution after a 15-year stay as a child, he bolts after four decades of adult incarceration.
The 2018 Halloween ended on a cliffhanger. Did he die in that fire or not? The answer would depend on the audience. Their enthusiastic response would all but assure more mayhem and more nonsense.
The delayed Halloween Kills would give Haddonfield citizens a glorious opportunity to end this nightmare once and for all. But hesitation is the work of the devil and well, here we are with Halloween Ends, the supposed final installment.
I will give the filmmakers this much credit. Prior to this 13th chapter (if you include Rob Zombie’s two ghastly remakes), the subtitle of a Halloween sequel never promised finality. No Final Chapters or Final Nightmares to juice box office receipts. And yes, they leave no room, no opening for future carnage this time. May they finally honour it.
Instead of picking up from the final kill in the previous revisionist sequel, it’s a year later, Halloween Night 2019. A snooty rich couple is in a crisis. They can’t go to a company costume party until they find a replacement babysitter for their young son.
Ringing the bell is Corey (Rohan Campbell), a soft-spoken engineering nerd who works for his father down at the junkyard while constantly being bothered by his bitchy mom. While this rich dad he encounters once again isn’t too happy with his gardening abilities, his wife doesn’t even let the young man finish his sentences.
Just before they leave, she warns him that her son is freaked out by the legacy of Myers to the point where he’s become a bedwetter. But while watching a particularly memorable scare in The Thing, Carpenter’s underrated remake of the even better original The Thing From Another World (which that cheeky young girl in the original was watching), he exhibits no signs of fear. (He’s unfortunately wrong about The Shape not targeting kids as shown in the 2018 Halloween.)
Oh no. This little shit would rather torment his babysitter by stealing a large knife from the kitchen, disappearing out of sight, knocking over a lamp without detection and forcing Corey to go looking for him in the attic when he can’t find him anywhere else. Big mistake. The kid locks him in, mocking him the entire time. An even bigger mistake.
Just as his privileged parents return home, a pissed off Corey finally kicks the door open but their son is too close and pays an awful price. Three years later, almost no one except the courts believes this was all an accident.
When Laurie spots him being harassed by a small group of high school band bullies (guess they ran out of obnoxious jocks), she foolishly encourages him to get a small bit of revenge. Then, noticing the piece of glass stuck in his hand, she takes him to the local medical facility to introduce him to her beautiful granddaughter Allyson (Andi Matichuk) who just happens to be one of the nurses.
Seemingly cooled on the idea of sticking with Doug the cop who can’t seem to let her go, she is all over a perplexed Corey who is not used to being treated this nicely. At first reticent and distant, he will eventually recognize his ticket out of here. Why stay where you are so unwelcome?
Everywhere he turns, he runs into a skeptic. Or worse, he gets threatened and attacked. While having a great time with his new love interest at their own costume party at a local dive, poor Corey runs into the miserable mom of the son he accidentally killed. It’s been four years and she still blames him for what happened. Freaked out, he departs alone.
While walking disillusioned on a bridge, here come those high school band bullies again. Terse words are exchanged. A painful, ironic truth is used as a cudgel. And that just enrages the ringleader whose impulsive acts of violence put him seemingly in Corey’s own shoes. He should only be so lucky.
For what happens next changes everything. Let’s just say the cops in this town are beyond useless and lazy. Despite a local DJ constantly bringing up the subject of his conspicuous absence on-air, no one is looking for Michael Myers. But he’s certainly looking for more victims. (Note the girl in the missing person poster.)
Dragged into a sewer tunnel, Corey looks done for. But honestly, how he is even alive after falling from a far greater distance than the little snot he was babysitting? Anyway, when the elderly villain prevents him from escaping, they apparently have some kind of melding of the minds, a transposition of diabolical ideology, while putting him in a chokehold.
When he releases, the kid gradually turns heel and suddenly out of nowhere wants revenge on anyone who’s ever wronged him. It helps that he looks like a young Willem Dafoe. He even goes so far as to seek justice on his girlfriend’s behalf, not that she ever wanted any to begin with. Expecting a promotion at work, she loses out to a lippy redhead who just happens to be having an affair with their supervising doctor. Let’s just say Allyson doesn’t have as close a relationship. She should count herself lucky.
After the encounter with Myers, Corey arouses the suspicion of Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis back once more), now deeply regretting ever meeting him and introducing him to Allyson. She correctly senses a change in his now stoic stare, something she can’t quite explain. There’s something all too familiar about his dead eyes. (How can he see without his glasses now? Did he switch to contacts? Does evil improve your vision?) Corey will come after her as well once it becomes clear she vehemently disapproves of his new relationship.
In the meantime, Myers now has his own tag team partner, his own Brother of Destruction, if you will, the first sign of true vulnerability we’ve ever seen. (Let the kid handle some of the workload, right?) Still determined to finish the job he started back in the day, all roads lead to the inevitable encounter with his own personal Final Girl.
It’s right there in the title. It’s only just a matter of how it happens.
Let’s point out something obvious. Michael Myers is a very tall man and certainly not out-of-shape. Despite being 66 years old, if my award-winning math is accurate, he can still go. He can throw you around like a sack of shit anytime he wants. He can still thrust that knife into your chest as often as he desires. He can still easily squeeze the life out of you or perform an unethical chiropractic act on your neck to put you out of your misery.
Jamie Lee Curtis, on the other hand, is not a big person by any means. But she’s a fighter. She can’t knock him out with her own punches and kicks but she can sure swing a fire extinguisher or use a knife just as effectively.
The problem is their big fight isn’t believable. Unlike the original where she had to escape his clutches for as long as possible until Dr. Loomis intervenes at just the right moment to save her, the domineering Myers is constantly in close proximity chucking her around like she’s nothing essentially toying with her waiting for the perfect opportunity to end this already. Need to plunge that knitting needle a little more forcefully, my dude. (A little receipt for what happened in the 1978 original.)
But of course, that’s not where we’re headed. The filmmakers have promised finality, no more ambiguity. There must be a satisfying conclusion to this overlong saga. (Speaking of that, there’s no reason for this film to be nearly two hours.)
But I wasn’t satisfied. I’ve never liked any of the previous sequels before this series got retconned and I haven’t been persuaded by this revisionist trilogy, either. We know the beats and the rhythms too intimately now to be shocked. We can sense the false alarms, the jump scares, the set-ups for the murders well ahead of time. Whereas the very first film understood exactly what it was doing to terrify the piss out of all of us, none of the follow-ups have had nearly the same confidence or technical skill.
Setting aside the revolver in her safe, I don’t quite understand Laurie’s sudden refusal to stop protecting herself from harm. Knowing full well the utter relentlessness of her lifelong antagonist, moving into a new house with Allyson right out in the open without an alarm system is very dumb indeed. (Myers finds her well before their climactic battle.) While it’s nice to see more of her onscreen this time, whereas in Kills she was mostly relegated to a hospital bed, her lack of paranoia, and rage for that matter considering what happened to Judy Greer, is baffling and ridiculous. Why would she ever consider forgiveness?
Now writing a memoir of her experiences (I would change the title), we hear snippets of her draft through narration. Based on what we hear, I would demand extensive rewrites. She’s not exactly deep or insightful, just hopelessly in denial of her own history of fear. Laurie encounters the odd bit of bitterness from those who foolishly blame her for the sadistic violence of Myers and yet at no time does she mention the unwarranted guilt she clearly feels for what happened to them and their loved ones.
The always natural Will Patton returns still clearly besotted with her. They awkwardly flirt every time they encounter each other suggesting significant courting rust. Having barely survived his own encounter with Myers, it’s rather surprising he’s not more involved in her life. Unlike the first film, she will not require the services of a male savior. But she still can’t survive on her own.
Tensions predictably arise when Allyson refuses to end her relationship with an increasingly unhinged Corey despite her mother’s well founded concerns, but just as inevitably she will come to a belated realization at just the right time. Is Allyson so desperate for a date she’s willing to put someone she has zero chemistry with over her own mother? Has she not learned anything?
They say this is the end, the true final chapter. But I’ve seen the box office returns. Halloween Ends made three times its budget. It’s not over until the money dries up.
Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Wednesday, February 8, 2023
2:04 a.m.
THE WRITINGS OF DENNIS EARL 