Revisiting Hulk Hogan’s First Year As World Champion (Part Three)

In between his feuds with Orndorff, Studd and Schultz, Hulk Hogan would work short-term house show title programs with a number of other mid-card heels. He first wrestled Greg “The Hammer” Valentine in Cincinnati on April 21 where he only managed a DQ win. The following week in Baltimore, he had a more definitive victory by pinfall.

They would wrestle seven more times between June and October. Just like Dr. D, Valentine would be unable to even achieve a cheap victory. Hogan would win by countout in Niagara Falls in late June and pin The Hammer in every other match-up, although The History Of WWE website does not reveal what happened on August 28 in Glen Falls, New York.

Two of these pinfall victories were captured for posterity and aired on TV. On July 23rd, Hogan beat Valentine cleanly in Madison Square Garden as seen on the MSG Network and later beat him again at the Philadelphia Spectrum in a match that aired on PRISM and also appeared on the first Hulkamania videotape.

After Valentine won the InterContinental title from Tito Santana in September, the title was not on the line during a WWF title match in Ottawa on October 9. Unlike his latter matches with Randy Savage in 1986, Hogan never challenged The Hammer for the IC strap in title-for-title bouts, at least not in 1984.

But he did continue to defend the World Wrestling Federation Championship against a diverse group of opponents regardless of their standing in the company. 

Afa and Sika, the original Wild Samoans who were the first three-time WWF tag champs, each had their shot at Hogan’s strap, just before their collective face turns. Afa was pinned three times, including at a March 7 taping of All-Star Wrestling which was broadcast five weeks later, while Sika lost twice in the spring (April 2nd in Buffalo and May 20th in Hartford). Sika would challenge him again during his last solo run beginning a couple of years later but would remain unsuccessful.

During his last full year as a villain, George “The Animal” Steele would have a brief feud with Hogan that began in the summer and concluded in the fall. Two of their matches were taped in St. Louis at the Kiel Auditorium. Thanks to the interference of this then-manager Mr. Fuji, The Animal won by countout during an August 10th taping. But Hogan would get a DQ victory during their rematch on September 1st.

With the exception of a count-out loss on September 30th, also credited to Fuji’s underhanded tactics, in Chicago, Hogan pinned Steele in the rest of their matches (July 22 in Minnesota, October 16 in Oakland, and the 21st in their blow-off battle in The Windy City). Speaking of Fuji, Hogan defeated him on September 28 in St. Louis which wasn’t recorded.

Besides working squashes and title defenses, Hulk Hogan would also be booked in a few tag matches. The most famous one from this period was recorded on August 26 in Minnesota. During his feud with The Animal, for one time only he aligned himself with his favourite broadcaster, “Mean” Gene Okerlund, who he met during their time in the AWA.

To prepare for their tag match against Steele and Fuji, a humourous training segment was later included in the first Hulkamania tape along with the bout. It consisted of Hogan breaking into Okerlund’s house very early in the morning to make him drink raw eggs and forcing the considerably smaller announcer to do rigorous training like carrying his 300-pound body while walking on stairs in the Met Centre.

The training paid off handsomely, even though Hogan did most of the work, as the babyfaces went over the heels in their tag match, much to the annoyance of Jesse Ventura who complained to the referee after their win, as reported by The History Of WWE website, which was excised from Hulkamania. 

The Body would challenge Hogan himself in four different title matches, losing clean in three of them from September 8th to the 10th. He also wrestled a dark match on July 31st during a Championship Wrestling taping but thehistoryofwwe.com doesn’t reveal the result. 

Ventura was supposed to challenge him far more often but he developed life threatening blood clots during this period, which The Body blamed on his Vietnam experience, which required hospitalization. Therefore, he was substituted by a number of other heels including Steele. Real-life friends at the time (until he learned about a decade later that the champion cockblocked his union organizing), throughout his time as a colour commentator, The Body often threatened to come out of retirement to face Hogan one more time, referring to him as a “paper champion”.

Although it was never shown in its entirety on The Best Of The WWF, Vol. 1 cassette, Hogan teamed for the first time with Andre The Giant for a handicap match against Big John Studd and the tag champs, Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch on July 15 at the Meadowlands in New Jersey, another regular taping location in the 1980s. In a match that The History Of WWE says went over 20 minutes, Andre and Hogan would go on to win by pinfall.

Hogan would also team twice with Mad Dog Vachon. On September 23 in Minnesota, they beat George Steele and Big John Studd, who filled in for an ailing Ventura. And on November 12 in Chicago, they defeated Steele and Mr. Fuji.

In Japan on May 16, Hogan teamed with Studd’s tag partner Ken Patera who would later challenge the champion in 1985. They faced Antonio Inoki and Tatsumi Fujinami which ended in a double count-out. In a six-man match four weeks later during that same tour with New Japan, the WWF Champion aligned for one night with Adonis and the Masked Superstar beating three more Japanese stars including Fuji’s old tag ally Mr. Saito. He also teamed up with the third Wild Samoan Samula on three different occasions which resulted in zero wins.

The only time Hogan didn’t get along with a partner in Japan happened on January 4, 1985. Although his side would win in a six-man affair against a team that included Inoki and Fujinami, both future winners of two separate and now defunct WWF mid-card titles as part of a talent swap arranged by both companies, after securing the victory, he brawled with one of his allies. It would be the first time he would see red against his future WrestleMania 2 challenger King Kong Bundy.

Hogan rarely wrestled on the weekly one-hour nationally syndicated WWF shows that mostly presented squashes and hyped local live events in specific markets. In fact, in 1984 alone he worked about ten times, not counting a couple of additional matches weeks before he won the title at the start of the year.

On March 6th, he taped his first of three matches with Tiger Chung Lee which would air a month later on Championship Wrestling. Then, on April 30, he beat him again in Oakland, California which was not shown on TV. (While the CW match was clearly a non-title affair, it’s not clear if he defended the title in the latter match.) They would square off one last time on August 6 during a Maple Leaf Wrestling taping in Brantford, Ontario. The title was not up for grabs and Hogan would go over clean once more.

A month earlier in the same location, Hogan pinned Hamilton, Ontario native Jerry Valiant, the former tag team champion with kayfabe brother Luscious Johnny, in Brantford, Ontario in a match that aired on the suddenly hated Georgia Championship Wrestling, the once adored NWA show on TBS that Vince McMahon Jr. had taken over but would quickly abandon after Crockett loyalists complained en masse about the change of ownership and what they believed were weaker matches. On September 29, Valiant would put Hogan over again in St. Louis in a fight that aired a month later on All-American Wrestling.

Hogan also defeated another former tag strapholder, Moondog Rex, later the original Smash from Demolition who teamed with Bill Eadie, the formerly Masked Superstar, before being permanently replaced by Barry Darsow, on three separate occasions: June 24 in Jerry Lawler’s territory in Memphis, the 25th in Kentucky and during a Maple Leaf Wrestling taping on August 29th which aired roughly two weeks later. Like Tiger Chung Lee, based on his status as a jobber, it’s not certain if the title was only defended during the untelevised live events.

Rene Goulet, yet another former tag team champion, faced Hogan during another recorded non-title match in Montreal. The Number One Frenchman, later an onscreen authority figure usually brought out to break up brawls involving younger talent, would lay down his shoulders after taking the leg drop, according to The History Of WWE website.

Just before Christmas, Hogan would have two more non-title enhancement matches to end the year. In London, Ontario during an All-Star Wrestling taping, he pinned the veteran jobber Terry Gibbs on December 16th. The following day, he disposed of Johnny Rodz, another longtime enhancement talent, during a Championship Wrestling recording. Both matches would air two weeks apart in the first half of January 1985.

In the second half of 1984, Hogan was supplied with new villains to conquer like Cowboy Bob Orton (their second match on September 7 in Long Island aired on All-American Wrestling a month later) and Nikolai Volkoff who he both defeated on two different house shows apiece. Both would continue to challenge him in the years to come. 

He faced Kamala The Ugandan Giant three times. The only result listed on The History Of WWE website is a double DQ finish on August 30 in Hartford. They would also resume their title program two years later.

Over the Christmas holidays, Hogan would give his old friend and on-again/off-again tag partner Ed Leslie his first two shots at the belt. On Boxing Day, he beat him clean in Miami and again in St. Louis on the 27th. Long before he was The Barber, Brutus Beefcake would continue to get championship opportunities in the new year. He wouldn’t taste gold until teaming with Greg Valentine to win the tag straps that summer. Only bad luck would prevent him on two occasions from taking the InterContinental title, as well.

Another future ally who would never betray him would debut in 1984. Pretending to be a fan named Big Jim who sat at ringside for numerous weekly TV tapings, Hogan would give him a pair of wrestling boots and start training him for pre-taped vignettes. He would later be called Hillbilly Jim. They’d start teaming together the following year.

Besides working one-on-ones with Antonio Inoki in Japan (who defeated him for the IWGP Championship that he briefly held simultaneously with the consistently undefended WWF title) among other New Japan workers and a successful one-time title defense in Mexico against the 15-time Universal Wrestling Association champion and luchador legend El Canek, Hulk Hogan’s most important unbilled program would lay the groundwork for an explosive future during the last three months of 1984.

Having already encountered him as the mouthpiece for Big John Studd and “Dr. D” David Schultz at ringside, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper was now ready to step into the ring and challenge the WWF Champion himself. In vintage voiceover audio used in his recent A&E Biography, Piper declared that he wouldn’t “lay down his shoulders for anybody”. But that’s not true, according to thehistoryofwwe.com.

Piper and Hogan had six house show matches between early October and mid-November. During their first encounter on October 6 in the Boston Garden, Piper got a count-out win. But nearly two weeks later at the San Diego Sports Arena, Piper laid his shoulders down.

In Buffalo on the 30th of that month, Hogan would have to settle for a DQ win. In their return match at the Boston Garden on November 3rd, it was the champion who won by count-out, the same result he would achieve a week later at the University Of Utah.

In their final live event match of 1984 before taking a break and then starting the build to the crucial War To Settle The Score confrontation at MSG the following February, Hogan pinned Piper again on Veterans Day, appropriately enough, at the Veterans Memorial Coliseum in Phoenix.

While it’s true that Piper never did a televised job for Hogan, he most certainly did so at two unfilmed live events in 1984. After their famous MTV match that ultimately led to the main event of WrestleMania, Piper and Hogan would continue to work together throughout 1985. Incredibly in 1986, they even became unlikely and reluctant tag partners in matches that emphasized their awkward, tense history. And in 1991, after he was attacked by The Undertaker during Paul Bearer’s Funeral Parlour talk show segment which would lead to The Gravest Challenge at the Survivor Series, there was The Rowdy One, along with The Macho Man, coming to his belated rescue.

During the first 12 months of his first reign as WWF Champion, although not entirely undefeated in title matches thanks to numerous count-out and disqualification losses, The Incredible Hulk Hogan was never pinned in North America. Japan, of course, was a different story, one that remains unacknowledged by WWE since all those defeats of various types happened for a different company.

As they started rolling out their first round of Coliseum Videos and extensive merchandising that year, Terry Bollea was front and centre in the WWF’s marketing scheme. In 1985, he made history as the first and only pro wrestler to make the cover of Sports Illustrated, a rare legitimization of a business then dismissed by the mainstream press as a deceptive joke.

But Bollea’s rapidly growing popularity was the real deal. And with MTV and NBC playing major roles in developing prime time and late night programming in the new year, not to mention the monster success of WrestleMania, his stock would skyrocket along with the WWF’s. In one year, despite rampant criticism from the likes of Dave Meltzer and others who were unimpressed with his in-ring work, Hulk Hogan was the face of pro wrestling. And it was only the beginning of an extraordinary ride as champion.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Thursday, January 25, 2024
11:52 p.m.

Revisiting Hulk Hogan’s First Year As World Champion (Part Two)

Of the near two dozen challengers Terry Bollea faced in his first full year as WWF Champion, only a handful or so would develop into serious rivalries, some of which would continue on beyond 1984.

Paul Orndorff would first square off against him for the title during a televised Madison Square Garden show on February 20th. In a surefire sign there would be at least one rematch, Bollea would retain the belt by count-out. As it turns out, there would be at least 24.

Two weeks later at the Baltimore Civic Centre, the champion would score another count-out victory. After a month-long break, their mostly untelevised house show series would resume on April 7 in Altoona, Pennsylvania. This time, The Incredible Hulk Hogan would achieve a clean pinfall victory, as he would again later that month in Niagara Falls.

Hogan would continue to get put over on June 15th during a taping at the Kiel Auditorium in St. Louis, the 30th in the Olympic Auditorium in Los Angeles, on July 7th in front of the cameras for a Philadelphia Spectrum show, the 14th at the Boston Garden, the 29th at the Hartford Civic Centre, August 13th in Sacramento, the 17th in Pittsburgh and September 14th in Providence, Rhode Island.

The History Of WWE website lists two Hogan/Orndorff matches for September 15th which appears to be a typo. The one listed for a show at the University of Utah is counted as yet another pinfall win for the champ. (The other, for an event in Denver which probably happened on the 16th, resulted in a count-out victory for Hogan, the same result he achieved back on April 20th in Dayton, Ohio.) As far as is known, Hogan never wrestled twice in a single day, even during TV taping weekends where the hour-long syndicated shows were recorded four episodes at a time. In fact, he rarely wrestled on these shows.

Two months later, Hogan would pin Orndorff again during a November 2nd live event in Cleveland and six days later at another show in New Haven, Connecticut. After another long break, the champion would defeat the challenger cleanly yet again on Christmas Day at the Omni in Atlanta, then an important venue for the Crocketts in the NWA that the McMahons were openly intruding upon.

Finally, in the new year on what would mark the end of his first 366 days as the top guy in the company (1984 was a leap year), Hulk Hogan would pin Orndorff on January 23rd in Louisville, Kentucky, the first anniversary of his championship push.

On September 29th, Mr. Wonderful challenged the WWF Champion inside a steel cage at the Capital Centre in Landover, Maryland, another site where the company would for a brief period regularly record house shows. Much like their more famous Saturday Night’s Main Event encounter in early January 1987, Hogan would escape the cage first, although it would take two tries, following a declared draw when both men dropped down at the exact same time, during the later NBC broadcast. Unlike Main Event, however, the Maryland match doesn’t appear to have been recorded.

Hogan would pick up a couple of disqualification victories on May 6, 1984 at a high school gym in Pennsylvania and on January 19, 1985 in Indianapolis. On August 17, 1984 in what would be their only no-contest result, both men were disqualified during another Capital Centre event that also appeared to have been untelevised.

Orndorff would only manage two cheap victories over the champion during this period. He would win by disqualification in Pittsburgh on July 20 and eight days later in Landover, Maryland during another televised event that aired on the USA Network. According to thehistoryofwwe.com, the brass knuckles Mr. Wonderful was using on the champ which went undetected by the referee would also be used by Hogan who had the bad fortune of getting caught.

Hogan and Orndorff would eventually be on opposite teams in the main event of WrestleMania in March 1985 and shortly thereafter, they would resume their house show title series. This time, Mr. Wonderful was a babyface who would graciously shake Hogan’s hand after every loss, according to The History Of WWE. They would become tag team partners, have a famous split which led to a more high profile championship feud in the second half of 1986 and then incredibly become allies again leading up to being on the same good guy team in the main event of the Survivor Series in 1987.

In between his frequent encounters with Orndorff, Hulk Hogan would have almost as many title defenses against Big John Studd, another heel he would work with beyond 1984. Their first head-to-head matchup would be taped at the Kiel Auditorium in St. Louis on March 2nd which resulted in a double disqualification. A week later in Sacramento, another no-contest.

Three weeks later, during a taped rematch in St. Louis, Studd would achieve a count-out victory thanks to a significant distraction that kept the champion outside the ring beyond the 10-count. Seven months before their first battle in a WWF ring, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper was Studd’s then-manager and already a Hogan antagonist.

There would be a blow-off match between the two rivals, at least at the Kiel Auditorium on April 6. Locked inside a steel cage for a match that would later be included in the first Hulkamania videotape, Hogan would finally gain a proper victory over Studd.

After a two-month break, the two would resume their house show feud near the end of spring. On June 16th at the Sportatorium in Hollywood, Florida, the champion would pick up a DQ win. On July 2nd in Oakland, Hogan would win by count-out. The two rivals would both get counted out in the first ever WWF show in Chicago on the 13th, more than a year before The Wrestling Classic pay-per-view, albeit in a different venue. 

Back at the Sporatorium for a return match on July 21st, Hogan finally got a proper pinfall win. Hogan would pin Studd again in their return match in Chicago on August 11th. Studd would take a DQ victory the following night in San Diego. On August 14th, both men would be disqualified in their second match in Oakland.

Dusting off a rare gimmick during this period, Hogan would beat Studd in a lumberjack match in their third and decisive Oakland battle on September 17. While the champion would pin the challenger the next night in their San Diego rematch, the two would wrestle to another double DQ finish on the 19th at the Forum in Inglewood, California.

In a significant turn of events, after briefly being managed by Piper in early 1984, Big John Studd would acquire brand new representation the night of September 22nd. During another Madison Square Garden live event that would air on both the MSG and USA Networks, according to The History Of WWE website, the self-proclaimed “real giant” of professional wrestling would now be seconded by Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, his mouthpiece for the next two years.

The change paid off. Thanks to a quick thinking Heenan, Studd managed to beat the 10-count to claim another victory. Despite not winning the belt, the duo stole Hogan’s title while headed backstage, raising their heat levels with the fans.

October 1984 would be their busiest month as in-ring opponents. Of the seven matches they would have, Studd would only manage to win once on a measly count-out on the 12th in Pittsburgh. Hogan would win by pinfall three times, although one of those was controversial.

On October 13 at the Philadelphia Spectrum, which aired on PRISM, according to thehistoryofwwe.com Studd kicked out early during the finish. A No-DQ encounter at the LA Sports Arena on the 15th was more definitive as was a more traditional battle on the 22nd during another televised MSG show. In New York, after securing the win, Hogan even went so far as to belatedly accept Studd’s ongoing bodyslam challenge. But the big man demurred and walked away successfully avoiding additional humiliation.

Four days later, Hogan would pick up another disqualification victory in Kansas City. At the Met Center in Minneapolis on the 26th, both men would be punished by the referee in another no-contest result.

Studd would challenge Hogan two more times before the end of the year. On November 9th in Pittsburgh, the champion would get by with another DQ win. And a month later on December 10, during a taped match at the Meadowlands in New Jersey, Hogan would win by bodyslamming Studd outside the ring and making it back inside the squared circle before the 10-count. But he didn’t get the money for scooping up his challenger. Not that he would’ve gotten it if he had slammed him in the ring. Neither Studd nor Heenan ever honoured their word when numerous men including Andre The Giant and King Tonga achieved the same feat.

Studd would have far more success eliminating Hogan and his other major enemy Andre The Giant simultaneously to go on to win a couple of battle royals like the one at the first WWF show in Nashville on June 26th and the more widely seen match from February 10th, later included on The Best Of The WWF Vol. 3 videotape, the same show that saw Hogan defend his newly won title for the first time against the Masked Superstar.

Despite their year-long rivalry which was occasionally addressed on the weekly syndicated TV shows in order to sell live event tickets, Studd and Hogan would become an unlikely, one-time tag team in Japan for Antonio Inoki’s promotion. On May 14, during a New Japan show in Miyazaki, the odd tandem would be counted out along with their opponents, Inoki and Seiji Sakaguchi.

Besides Paul Orndorff and Big John Studd, Hulk Hogan’s other significant rivalry in 1984 was with “Dr. D” David Schultz, one of the most notorious figures in wrestling history. Billed as an intensely scary psychopath unapologetically oozing with toxic masculinity, like Studd he was initially managed by “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. Had he not gone off the handle on two separate backstage incidents, he may have become a major player during a pivotal point in the rise of the World Wrestling Federation.

Schultz challenged Hogan for the WWF Championship on 16 occasions between March and September. It all started on March 5th when Dr. D lost cleanly to the champion in Salisbury, Maryland. With the exception of a double count-out in White Plains, New York on May 2nd, as noted by The History Of WWE website, Schultz was otherwise pinned 14 times. (No result is given for a March 8th event in Pennsylvania.)

On an episode of Championship Wrestling that aired in syndication on May 12, Schultz cut a promo on Hogan declaring his intentions to dethrone him for the title, an ambition that was never realized. Unlike Orndorff and Studd, Schultz never even achieved a count-out or DQ victory. He was soundly defeated in match after match, only a few of which were recorded for TV.

One of those pinfall losses took place in Madison Square Garden on May 21st which aired on the MSG Network. In Montreal ten days later, Schultz and Hogan were the main event for an episode of Canadian Superstars Of Wrestling, as noted by The History Of WWE website, while another defeat happened at the first ever WWF show in the Met Center in Minnesota on June 17. That match first aired on Tuesday Night Titans in July, Vince McMahon Jr.’s version of The Tonight Show, before its later inclusion on the first Hulkamania videotape. After being defeated by Hogan, Dr. D started beating him down with his own title belt until the champion had enough and restored order.

After attacking John Stossel for daring to question pro wrestling’s legitimacy while being interviewed for ABC’s late night news show 20/20 and later getting into an altercation with Mr. T, both happening backstage during televised MSG live events, Schultz was excommunicated from the WWF. His career never recovered, despite working steadily in Japan for Antonio Inoki and in Calgary for Stu Hart right to the end of the 1980s. 

After being falsely accused of extorting money from the McMahons and then testifying against his former boss during the US government’s botched steroid trial, Dr. D has since made infrequent public appearances. It is highly unlikely he’ll ever be inducted into their imaginary hall of fame.

In 2018, he wrote a memoir. He called it Don’t Call Me Fake.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Thursday, January 25, 2024
4:26 p.m.

Revisiting Hulk Hogan’s First Year As World Champion (Part One)

On January 23rd, 1984, Terry Bollea got the push of a lifetime. As he walked out to Survivor’s Eye Of The Tiger, his entrance music at the time, the sold-out crowd at Madison Square Garden collectively and enthusiastically expressed their most fervent hope: that he would defeat The Iron Sheik, the despised anti-American heel, for the World Wrestling Federation Championship.

This was all unwelcome news to Bob Backlund, the former champion who reluctantly dropped the belt to Sheik at the previous MSG house show on December 26, 1983. Refusing to put him over clean that night, a compromise would be reached. Backlund’s manager, Arnold Skaaland, would throw in the towel – literally – when his protege found himself trapped in the dreaded Camel Clutch. The finish allowed Backlund to plausibly declare a decade later upon his surprise return that he never actually submitted.

After challenging the new titleholder in a few unrecorded rematches – a DQ win on January 14th in the Boston Garden, a double DQ finish on January 18th in Ohio and another DQ win the following night in a high school in Pennsylvania – Backlund was booked to face the Sheik again for the title on the 23rd in New York City. Or so he was led to believe.

Vince McMahon Jr., the new owner of the WWF, ultimately dropped Backlund from the show and slotted Bollea in his place. (Backlund would resume his feud with Sheik on February 4 during a live event in Massachusetts as noted by the invaluable History Of WWE website. Ironically, during a televised event on March 31st at the old Philadelphia Spectrum, Bollea seconded Backlund but the new WWF Champion would interfere giving the Sheik a cheap DQ win.)

Backlund wasn’t the only disgruntled party regarding January 23rd. Although The Iron Sheik had no problem working with Bollea despite spending the rest of his life badmouthing him in the press, he wasn’t exactly thrilled about losing the title so quickly. Like Backlund before him, he’d hoped there would be a series of matches before the strap changed hands. The Sheik wanted a proper run as champion.

But McMahon wanted his new babyface at the top of the card immediately, less than a month since he returned to action on December 28, as acknowledged by thehistoryofwwe.com. He had grand ambitions to put every other promoter out of business. The sooner Bollea was pushed as champion, the sooner he could execute his grand, longterm scheme of global domination. 

Bollea already had some crossover Hollywood cachet for making a memorable cameo in Rocky III just a couple of years earlier (the very reason he was fired by McMahon’s father, ironically enough). He would be an easy sell to a rapturous New York audience, the biggest market for the northeast American territory. The real question would be would he get over nationally, and later, internationally?

Televised on The MSG Network and repeated later, on the weekly, nationally syndicated Championship Wrestling and All-Star Wrestling programs, the match wasn’t even the main event at that particular house show. (Andre The Giant and the WWF tag champions at that time, Rocky Johnson and Tony Atlas, defeated all three Wild Samoans in a six-man tag finale, according to The History Of WWE website.) It was the eighth bout of ten that took place that night.

Sometime before the match took place, Sheik was suddenly put under a lot of pressure. McMahon had convinced Bollea to leave the American Wrestling Association, where he had successfully transitioned from a monster heel to the number one babyface, just before his contract ran out.

According to Sex, Lies & Headlocks, a 2001 literary examination of the WWF’s history to that point, Bollea sent a succinct telegram to the company’s disbelieving owner, Verne Gagne, who initially thought he was being ribbed. When a second one arrived relaying the same message (“I’m not coming back.”), Gagne contacted The Iron Sheik. (According to McMahon biographer Abraham Riesman, the AWA chief had just put together a sizzle reel that heavily promoted Hogan for future shows on and off TV. He had also refused to make him his world champion which played a major role in his departure. McMahon had promised Hogan the WWF title and a 10-year run.)

As recounted in Sheik’s two-hour A&E Biography last year, Gagne had reminded his old friend that his wife had given him his new name, that he had trained him in his infamously humid barn facility, that he had even helped him get a side gig to pay the bills. And because of all of this, he owed him a big favour.

Gagne offered the Sheik one hundred thousand dollars to break Bollea’s gargantuanly tanned legs and therefore screw over Vince McMahon Jr.’s most important booking. Sheik was put in an uncomfortable position: do his loyal mentor’s bidding and get a hefty payday that most pro wrestlers could only dream of at that time or risk alienating his new boss who potentially could elevate his own career let alone the man he was tasked to putting over.

Much to the relief of everyone in the World Wrestling Federation, The Iron Sheik was willing to do business. Neither Bollea nor McMahon had anything to worry about. In less than six minutes, The Incredible Hulk Hogan, as Bollea had been billed for years (Vince’s father gave him his new last name), would become the first man to escape the Camel Clutch, drop the big leg after ramming the Sheik into the corner and then cradle the champion to become a champion of his own.

“Hulkamania is here!” declared an excitable Gorilla Monsoon, a former rival during Bollea’s earlier heel run, on commentary.

Four days later, Bollea was in Japan to begin a two-and-a-half week tour with Antonio Inoki’s New Japan Pro Wrestling, the first of many as noted by The History Of WWE. At no time did he defend his new championship. (He would eventually win that promotion’s world title, however.) When he wasn’t working one-on-one non-title matches with a number of different Japanese stars, he was booked to work a series of tag matches with two Canadian talents by his side.

“Iron” Mike Sharpe was a grunting, hairy-chested mid-card heel from Hamilton, Ontario, who wore a suspicious arm brace in the ring and declared himself Canada’s Greatest Athlete. And Bret Hart, who got over in his father’s Calgary Stampede territory, was still months away from debuting as a lower-card babyface in the WWF. He wouldn’t become “The Hitman” until the following year. Hogan would mostly team with Sharpe with Hart only being added for six-man matches.

After working with the likes of Inoki, Akira Meada (who would become WWF International Champion that year and even wrestle The Iron Sheik) and Tatsumi Fujinami, Bollea would return to the United States to begin his first full year defending the WWF Championship. On February 10th, he would tape his first title defense in St. Louis at the Kiel Auditorium, the first time the company had ever promoted a show here, as mentioned by The History Of WWE website. The match wouldn’t air for four months.

Bill Eadie had challenged Bob Backlund a number of times during his reign but the audience never knew what he looked like. Adopting the mysterious Masked Superstar gimmick, he would challenge Hulk Hogan on three occasions. Besides the match in St. Louis, Eadie would also face the new champion in another locally televised event on February 18 at the Philadelphia Spectrum. Both matches, each running a little over 10 minutes according to thehistoryofwwe.com, ended the same way. Eadie would get caught putting a foreign object in his mask which resulted in his disqualification.

A week later at the Olympic Auditorium in Los Angeles, the heart of Gene LeBell and Guerrero territory, Hogan would drop the leg and get a clean pin on Superstar which was not captured by any video cameras. Although they would never wrestle against each other again, they would occasionally find themselves teaming up together in multi-man tag matches both in the Far East and here at home.

On May 12, 1984, during another New Japan tour, Hogan and Superstar would lose by disqualification to Riki Choshu & Mr. Saito, the former WWF tag champ and future AWA world titleholder. (Both teams were disqualified in a rematch nearly a month later.)

Five days later in Nagasaki, as listed by thehistoryofwwe.com, they would lose a six-man match to a team that included Antonio Inoki and Tatsumi Fujinami. The very next night in Hiroshima, Hogan and Superstar would face the then-reigning WWF tag team champions Dick Murdoch and Adrian Adonis and win clean. 

But according to The History Of WWE, not only were the belts not on the line, the champions didn’t even bring them to the ring. (Hogan would later team with Murdoch in a losing effort against Inoki and Fujinami on June 8, and then with Adonis as well in a six-man victory involving Inoki and different partners two nights later and again on the 12th.)

When Eadie became another masked character, this time a babyface named the Super Machine in 1986, along with the Big Machine (Blackjack Mulligan), Hogan would don a mask of his own calling himself The Hulk Machine for a few six-man matches against Bobby Heenan and his two biggest monsters. And at the 1989 Survivor Series, Eadie would be on his side once more, this time as the face-painted Ax of Demolition. That same year, Eadie appeared with Hogan in No Holds Barred where he wore far less make-up on his face and without the slicked back hair. He played one of his in-ring rivals, Jake Bullet.

On February 11, the day after his first match with the Masked Superstar in St. Louis, Bollea would have the first of his many rematches with The Iron Sheik, only a few of which would be recorded. In what was supposed to be another rematch with Bob Backlund, Bollea would take his place once more and defeat the Sheik in a no holds barred Texas Death Match in the Boston Garden. On February 24th, he’d pin him again in a more traditional title fight in Pittsburgh in front of a sold out Civic Centre.

For the next three months, Hogan would have to settle for cheap wins over the man he cleanly beat for the title in New York: two by disqualification (March 4 (at the Capital Centre in Maryland) and 10 (LA’s Olympic Auditorium)) and three by countout (April 3 (Erie, Pennsylvania), May 24 (Columbus, Ohio) and 28 (William Paterson College in New Jersey)).

The only no-contest was a double count-out on May 5 at the Philadelphia Spectrum which was taped for broadcast. Coincidentally, Hulk Hogan would get his first pinfall victory over The Iron Sheik since becoming champion on June 2 at the Spectrum which was also aired in that city. Again, according to The History Of WWE website, it wasn’t the main event. It was match five on an eight-match card. (Bob Backlund beat Wild Samoan Samula in five minutes in the show’s finale.)

Hogan would pin the Sheik seven more times in his first year as champion. With the exception of the Christmas show at the end of 1984 at Madison Square Garden (where the champion defeated the challenger in a match that was two-and-a-half minutes shorter than the title push on January 23rd and was the actual main event), all the other wins (December 29 at the Met Center in Minnesota, January 13, 1985 in Phoenix, the 14th at the University of Utah, the 17th at the State Fair Arena in Dallas and the Astro Arena in Houston on the 18th) were not recorded.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Tuesday, January 23, 2024
10:20 p.m.

Three Men Who Survived WrestleMania Retirement Matches

If you’re a professional wrestler, what’s the best way to humiliate your rival?

Is it smacking them repeatedly with a steel chair until they beg you to stop?  Is it breaking a certain part of their body forcing them out of action for an indeterminate amount of time?  What about cockblocking them so you can date their love interest and rub this new relationship in their face?  Or how about forcing them to tap out to a particularly excruciating submission hold during a title match?

Nope.

The most surefire way to destroy your enemy’s self-esteem is to retire them.  What’s more satisfying than that?  Not only are you free to move on to the next program, you can take comfort in the fact that your vanquished rival will be seething powerlessly wondering where it all went wrong.

The retirement match, where one or both wrestlers put their careers on the line if they lose, is as old as the hills.  It’s a gimmick best reserved for the most heated disputes that require permanent social distancing.  What better place to showcase such a special encounter than at WrestleMania.

From the very first show 35 years ago to last year’s event, there have been special occasions where specific superstars were placed in career threatening situations only to have to work a little harder to get the duke.  Otherwise, they’d have to join the audience while watching someone else take their spot.

Several years ago in this space, I noted five wrestlers who had their last match at Mania, whether they succumbed to an advertised stipulation or made a quiet off-camera decision.  This was expanded to eight for a Huffington Post article in 2015.  Kurt Angle is the most recent superstar to end his career, in this case willingly, at the Showcase Of The Immortals.  He put over Baron…pardon me, King Corbin, on his way out the door in 2019.

Not mentioned in either of those pieces was the fact that Shawn Michaels is the only man in WWE history to retire twice at WrestleMania.  12 years before his final singles match with The Undertaker in 2010, a seriously injured Heartbreak Kid struggled through a back problem to give Stone Cold Steve Austin his first World title push at WrestleMania 14.  It wasn’t a retirement match per se but because Michaels was in rough shape, he effectively ended his in-ring career immediately after.  Thanks to a long, slow rehabilitation, he returned to full-time competition in the summer of 2002.

But not everyone put in the awkward position of having to defend their employment with the McMahon Family has had to say a premature good-bye to the job they love.  Here are the three superstars who survived their retirement matches, including a certain son-in-law (twice, in his case), on the grandest stage of them all.

1. Andre The Giant (WrestleMania – March 31, 1985)

On the December 18, 1982 edition of Championship Wrestling, as noted by TheHistoryOfWWE.com, Big John Studd issued an open challenge on Buddy Rogers’ Corner.  If you could somehow scoop him up and slam his giant ass to the mat, he would give you 500 smackers.

Curiously, fans from the audience were the first to try (or were they plants?).  All would fail.

Then, it was up to the jobbers to have a go.  Same result.

As the weeks went by, also recounted by The History Of WWE, the reward for bodyslaming Studd would continuously rise.  During the Christmas 1982 episode of Championship Wrestling, it had doubled to a thousand.  By early January 1983, it was raised to $3000.  By the end of January, it was up to seven.

The future Mr. Perfect Curt Hennig made an attempt when it was $8000.  No dice.  SD Jones went for it when it was $8500.  Nope.  Tony Garea wasn’t able to do it when it was $9000 nor the much missed Gorilla Monsoon who tried when it got up to ten.

On the February 26, 1983 episode of Championship Wrestling, The History Of WWE website acknowledges Andre The Giant’s first encounter with his second most famous rival as he took his own shot.  Thanks to the well timed interference of his manager “Classy” Freddie Blassie, Studd was spared from forking over the money.  A couple of weeks later during a March 12 broadcast, the bodyslam challenge was suspended because, according to Blassie, as recounted by The History Of WWE, there were “no more worthy challengers”.  Uh huh.

Andre and Studd had their first singles match two weeks later at the Boston Garden.  The Giant won by count-out.  Over the next two years, as The History Of WWE thoroughly documents, they would face off in countless more encounters at live events, only some of which were taped, and not always in one-on-one situations.

Early on, there were bodyslam teases where Andre would almost get the job done but either Studd would manage to wiggle free, hold onto the top rope or be saved by outside interference.  According to TheHistoryOfWWE.com, during an September 18, 1983 episode of All-American Wrestling, it took all three future Conquistadors to stop Andre from winning the challenge.

In the build to the first WrestleMania in 1985, Studd, now represented by Bobby “The Brain” Heenan who took over for Blassie in the summer of 1984, issued his ultimatum.  He would fight Andre in Madison Square Garden.  It would not be a regular match.  The Bodyslam Challenge, which had never really gone away despite no longer being a specific TV segment, would be the sole purpose of the bout.  If Andre could get ‘er done, he’d earn $15000, the highest amount that would ever be offered.  If he failed, he would have to retire.  He’d have 60 minutes to make it happen.

It took him less than six.  And when he got the money, Andre decided to throw it out to the fans until Heenan swooped in to take back the officially licensed WWF gym bag which held the remaining amount.

The result was probably not a surprise to those intimately familiar with the Andre/Studd rivalry.  They already had a number of Bodyslam matches before back when the reward was $10000.  (After losing one such encounter, it was Studd himself who stopped his rival from being generous with his reward.)  Long before the first WrestleMania, Andre first slammed Studd, according to The History Of WWE, during an earlier MSG event on June 17, 1983 in one of the rare times he won by pinfall.

2. Hulk Hogan (WrestleMania 19 – March 30, 2003)

After the New World Order split in the aftermath of WrestleMania 18 and the end of his brief stint as Edge’s tag partner, The Racist One resumed being a solo act in the company that made him an icon.  In the build-up to WrestleMania 19, Vince McMahon, in his thinly disguised Mr. McMahon heel persona, started being a pest to the former six-time World champion.

Having cost him a victory in a return match with The Rock at No Way Out in 2003, McMahon made it clear he hated Hogan.  (He was ahead of his time.)  He resented his departure for WCW a decade earlier and still held a grudge against him for testifying for the prosecution in the ultimately unsuccessful steroid trial that rocked the entire business.

McMahon went so far as to pull a Bobby Heenan.  “Hulkamania is dead!” he unconvincingly declared.  It has been replaced by McMahonmania.  Sure.

All of this lead to a no holds barred street fight between the two at WrestleMania 19.  McMahon challenged Hogan to put his career on the line as a key stipulation which he readily accepted.

During their inevitable on-screen contract signing on an episode of Smackdown!, the WWE chairman whacked Hogan in the head several times causing him to bleed.  He then forced him to sign the deal with his own blood, as noted by Wikipedia.

During the match, Hogan was attacked by a mystery man with a lead pipe.  That mystery man turned out to be “Rowdy” Roddy Piper in what would become his final, ill-fated heel run.  It ultimately didn’t matter.  Having already cashed in his receipt against his boss (he made him shed some blood in his own right), Hogan delivered a trio of leg drops to secure the victory and remain a WWE superstar.

3. Triple H (WrestleMania 29 – April 7, 2013 & WrestleMania 35 – April 7, 2019)

Stephanie McMahon’s husband is the only performer in the history of the event to have survived two retirement matches on the grandest stage of them all.

Back in 2012, when a returning Brock Lesnar started making unreasonable demands during an episode of Monday Night Raw, Triple H tried to reason with him hoping he would reconsider.  Instead, he got attacked from behind setting up a trio of pay-per-view matches.

Lesnar won round one at SummerSlam 2012.  As he did on Raw to kickstart the feud, Lesnar ultimately “broke” Triple H’s arm with a kimura lock.  Just before the event, he made sure H’s old pal Shawn Michaels wouldn’t be in his corner so he F5’d him and broke his arm, too, assuring his absence.

Two months before round two at WrestleMania 29 nearly a year later, a now fully recovered Triple H, who didn’t make it to the bathroom before this Raw segment, went out to the ring to prevent The Beast from attacking his father-in-law for the second time.  As he pissed his pants (there was no mistaking that big stain), The Cerebral Assassin slammed Lesnar’s head in the post causing him to accidentally bleed profusely (which, upon re-aired, repackaged replays looked even cooler in black and white).

Lesnar’s mouthpiece Paul Heyman insisted that H retire if The former Next Big Thing could beat him in their anything goes contest.  With a fully recovered Michaels now ready to be in his corner, the tide turned.  Triple H won with a pedigree on the bottom half of one of the steel steps inside the ring.  (Lesnar would go on to win their final encounter inside a steel cage at Extreme Rules.)

Six years later, while Raw was celebrating Ric Flair’s 70th Birthday, a stunned Triple H watched his former Evolution brother Batista drag out The Nature Boy’s groggy carcass from his dressing room backstage.  So began the build to another WrestleMania retirement angle.

Like Kurt Angle, Batista wanted one last pay-per-view match before signing off for good.  (When you’re a big-time movie star, why continue to subject yourself to any more staged beatings for less money?)  Triple H wasn’t interested in a fight, even though he had never pinned The Animal in their three previous high profile encounters.  Batista pressured him to change his mind and also convinced him to put his own career at risk.

At WrestleMania 35, after clumsily tripping over his own feet as he first entered the ring, which led to a momentary break of character and a more cautious re-do, Batista went to war with The Game.  Triple H was up for the fight.  In a memorable spot, he pulled out the Blade Runner 2049 star’s nose piercing and later ran across a couple of announce tables to spear him through a third, stealing one of The Animal’s signature moves.

With a concerned Shawn Michaels on commentary and a returning Flair arriving in the final stages, H was handed his trusty sledgehammer from his still loyal Evolution compadre.  Batista’s goal of having a clean sweep and finishing off The Game for good was lost.  Triple H survived.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Tuesday, April 7, 2020
12:35 a.m.

Standout Moments From 2018 – Part Two (The Bad)

1. The murder of Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi.  For years, he was a longtime confidant and unapologetic spokesman for the House of Saud.  Then, in 2016, he publicly criticized then-Presidential candidate Donald Trump, a fateful decision that so angered Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman that Khashoggi was effectively censored.  He never appeared in the Saudi Arabian media ever again.  Relocating to America, he began to turn on MBS, writing critical column after critical column.  While visiting the Saudi Arabian embassy in Istanbul, Turkey to obtain a marriage license, he was tortured and cut into pieces by goons hired by MBS to take him out.  His remains have never been found.  Although there was some political fallout and boycotting by numerous major companies and celebrities, MBS was never punished for ordering the hit.

2. Anthony Bourdain, the host of CNN’s Parts Unknown, killed himself.

3. Donald Trump’s horrendously cruel child separation policy for refugee families.  Chaotically implemented, it has already traumatized innocent people desperate to escape the dangers of their own countries, dangers directly caused by successive American governments, not to mention the preventable deaths of 2 young children.  White supremacy and capitalism go hand in hand.

4. The California wildfires.  Climate change is the apocalypse.

5. Steel City Video closed after 30 successful years in business.  The Hamilton, Ontario stable supplied me with so many movies over the decades I lost count.  I wonder who bought all their porn.

6. Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice despite his dishonest, belligerent testimony and numerous accusations of sexual harassment and assault by women, including Christine Blasey Ford, the only victim allowed to appear during a hearing.  We learned nothing from Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill.

7. Gina Haspel became the new CIA Director.  Torture cover-ups get you promotions in the Trump Administration.

8. Hulk Hogan was welcomed back to the WWE three years after being exposed as an anti-Black racist.  He hasn’t changed.

9. The Toronto van attack.

10. Prince Harry’s wedding.  Who gives a shit?

11. Kraftwerk were once again not inducted into The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame.  The band’s massive widespread influence led to the phenomenal rise of EDM and Hip Hop, the top two genres in modern popular music.  So, why do they continue to be disrespected?

12. Life Of The Party.  The worst film of the year.  Melissa McCarthy is the new Chris Farley, wasting her career on dumb, insulting slapstick.

13. Raise Vibration by Lenny Kravitz.  We waited four years for this boring garbage?  The love revolution is putting us to sleep.

14. Roman Reigns announced he was once again diagnosed with leukemia, forcing him to forfeit the Universal Championship.  May he once again recover and live to Superman punch another day.

15. Twitter locked my account for a day because I was retweeting too much about the US midterm elections.  To their credit, they did apologize twice and let me back in.

16. Jian Ghomeshi’s self-serving essay.  He’s not a victim.  He’s a rapist.  He deserves his obscurity.

17. The Kurt Angle/Jason Jordan father/son angle.  Despite this nonsense leading to Jordan winning his first championship (the Raw tag titles with Seth Rollins), it did not get him over with the fans.  Then he got hurt.  Who’s pining for his return?

18. Kanye West’s ignorant statement on TMZ Live where he claimed that “slavery was a choice”.  He also briefly vouched for President Trump (which led to an embarrassing, meandering White House visit) and even wore his stupid Make America Great Again hat.  When he stops making hits, he’ll finally go away.

19. Blade Runner 2049 was not nominated for Best Picture.  One of the best sequels ever made.  The motion picture academy does not understand the importance of science fiction.

20. The Dynamite Kid died.  Shawn Michaels, CM Punk, Bret Hart, Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and a whole bunch of luchadores owe the British legend a huge debt of gratitude for making the small man larger than life in the squared circle.  If only his personal life was as honourable.

21. Doug Ford’s Conservatives won the Ontario election.  This doesn’t end well.

22. Mark Lamont Hill was fired from CNN for defending Palestinians and opposing Apartheid Israel’s illegal ongoing occupation during a speech at the UN.  Former AIPAC spokesman Wolf Blitzer wrote a whole book demonizing Arabs and Rick Santorum doesn’t believe Palestinians actually exist but their jobs are safe.  Racists are always protected by capitalism and white supremacy.

23. The uselessness of Primus Canada customer service.  Putting you on hold for an hour without talking to you.  Not taking responsibility for their slow-ass dial-up service which wasn’t always this slow and unstable connection that cuts in and out.  Pretending to solve the problem when nothing has changed.  A total waste of time.

24. George A. Romero died.  Night Of The Living Dead is still timely and relevant.

25. The Edmonton Oilers failed to qualify for the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  Again.

26. The cancellation of Ontario’s updated sex-ed curriculum and guaranteed basic income experiment by Doug Ford’s Conservative government, the latter of which he promised not to do.  He doesn’t care about the poor, LGBT folks, FN or people of colour.

27. Game Night.  Not scary enough to be a thriller.  Not funny enough to be a comedy.

28. Facebook ended its partnership with Twitter to allow users to send tweets to their profile page.  No wonder my hits are way down.

29. Serena Williams’ embarrassing temper tantrum during the US Open Final.  It took away from a historic victory for new champion Naomi Asaka, the first Asian-American woman to ever win the tournament.

30. Aretha Franklin died.

31. The draconian anti-sex trafficking bills FOSTA and SESTA became law.  Sex workers can no longer depend on the Internet to safely screen clients and police are having a much harder time catching actual sex traffickers.  The incoming House Democrats should repeal them both and decriminalize sex work.

32. All the mass shootings in America.  What’s it going to take to end toxic masculinity?

33. The Humboldt Broncos bus crash.  Preventable and horrifying.

34. Fire And Fury: Inside The Trump White House & Fear: Trump In The White House.  Too much gossip about a complicated idiot, not enough dissection of destructive policies and lifetime judicial appointments which are far more important.

35. Gitmo is still open.

36. The Canadian postal strike.  May it be resolved early in the new year.

37. Whistleblower Reality Winner was pressured into taking a plea deal rather than take her chances in court which could’ve led to a decades-long sentence.  She’ll serve five years for leaking to The Intercept.  Abolish the Espionage Act.

38. The Catholic Church child abuse cover-ups.  Thousands of victims in multiple parishes, not a lot of accountability or convictions.  Why does Pope Francis continue to delay structural reforms?

39. Jair Bolsonaro, the fascist homophobe and misogynist, once an outlier on the extreme right, was elected President of Brazil.  Oh, and he doesn’t believe in climate change so good-bye Amazon rainforest.

40. Nikolai Volkoff died.  No more stirring renditions of the Soviet National Anthem from the Croatian-born grappler and former world tag team champion.

41. The restoration of the Iran sanctions by President Trump.  They’ve always honoured the nuclear deal.  But the neocons in his administration are itching for war.  Bad news for world peace.

42. The WWE’s despicable association with the House of Saud.  First, there was the Greatest Royal Rumble which took place despite the atrocities in Yemen.  Then came Crown Jewel which went on as scheduled even after Jamal Khashoggi’s murder.  The show was hosted by the bigoted Hulk Hogan and featured Shawn Michaels in his first match in eight years.  So much for honouring a retirement storyline.  And so much for caring about human rights.

43. Ryan Seacrest didn’t get fired from his many jobs despite harassing and assaulting his former stylist who was fired for reporting him.  George Takei claimed exoneration after a questionable article written by an author who sang his praises in a book.  Michael Weatherly hasn’t lost his job playing Bull despite being caught on film harassing fired co-star Eliza Dushku and was actually defended by two women who worked with him on NCIS.  There are many other examples too numerous and depressing to mention.  The bottom line is this.  #MeToo hasn’t changed anything.

44. All the other bad films I saw released this year:  Mom And Dad, Unfriended: Dark Web, Day Of The Dead: Bloodline, Upgrade, The Endless, The First Purge, Death Wish, Winchester, Insidious: The Last Key, The Strangers: Prey At Night, Blumhouse’s Truth Or Dare, Fifty Shades Freed and Hotel Transylvania 3.

45. All the other awful movies I saw this year: Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul; Goon: Last Of The Enforcers; Failure To Launch; CHIPS; The Boss Baby; Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie; Uncle Buck; Hoodwinked; Blades Of Glory; Rough Night; Hide And Seek; Frankenweenie; The Ant Bully; A Return To Salem’s Lot; The Croods; Snatched; The House; Are We Done Yet; Missing In Action; Hitch; The Emoji Movie; A Million Ways To Die In The West; The Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature; Shutter; Red; Red 2.

My Little Pony: The Movie (1986 & 2017); Society; Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie; Kick-Ass; Kick-Ass 2; Despicable Me; Despicable Me 2; Despicable Me 3; Minions; Cocktail; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014); Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows; The Bye Bye Man; The Smurfs; The Smurfs 2; Smurfs: The Lost Village; The Chipmunk Adventure; Alvin & The Chipmunks; Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel; Alvin & The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked; Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Road Chip.

Amityville: The Awakening; Ducktales The Movie: Treasure Of The Lost Map; Sausage Party; The Peanuts Movie; A Boy Named Charlie Brown; Snoopy Come Home; Run For Your Life, Charlie Brown; Jigsaw; Kung Fu Panda; Kung Fu Panda 2; Kung Fu Panda 3; Mr. Peabody & Sherman; G.I. Joe: Retaliation; Middle School: The Worst Years Of My Life; The Brothers Grimsby; Keanu; The Interview; Delivery Man; 17 Again; When The Bough Breaks; Father Figures; A Thousand Words; Joe Versus The Volcano; Creepshow; Creepshow 2.

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (Super-Sized Version); Dead-End Drive-In; Strictly Business; Trailer Park Boys; Trailer Park Boys: Countdown To Liquor Day; Trailer Park Boys: Don’t Legalize It; Pete’s Dragon (1977); The Man; Jeepers Creepers 3; #Horror; But I’m A Cheerleader; Razorback; Bad Moon; Crawlspace; Seven Chances; The Garbage Pail Kids Movie; Warlock: The Armageddon; Repossessed; The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie; The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out Of Water; White Of The Eye; Summer School.

Hide And Go Shriek; Parents; Abbott And Costello Meet The Mummy; The Other Side Of The Door; A Woman’s Torment; Frankenhooker; 47 Meters Down; Children Of The Corn; Children Of The Corn II: The Final Sacrifice; The Car; Bad Words; Pitch Perfect; Pitch Perfect 2; Pitch Perfect 3; The Final Girls; Satanic; Office Christmas Party, The Star; Four Christmases; National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation; Red Heat; Zombie Strippers!, XXX: Return Of Xander Cage and Martin.

46. Margot Kidder committed suicide.  The definitive Lois Lane, a Bernie Sanders supporter and an all-round delightful character.  Mental illness is a cancer on our society, especially our creative community.

47. The whitewashing of John McCain and George H.W. Bush’s political record because they died.  War criminals don’t deserve penance or reputational protection from their millionaire friends in the media.  They deserve endless scorn and ridicule for all the innocent people they tortured and murdered.

48. The Twitter purge.  Leftists and sex workers need more protection from white supremacy and corporate censorship.

49. Premier Doug Ford used the Notwithstanding Clause of the Canadian Constitution to reduce Toronto City Council from 47 seats to 25.  Pure pettiness with surely more to come.

50. Dolores O’Riordan, Steven Bochco, Steven Hawking and John Mahoney all died.

51. Monday Night Raw & Smackdown Live.  Bad announcing, pitiful storylines, questionable political associations.  The highly hated Enzo Amore aside, they’re still protecting abusers and creeps that can draw.  I can spend these five hours every week doing something less offensive.

52. The ongoing persecution of Julian Assange and the restriction of his rights in the Ecuadorian Embassy.  Yes, he’s a maddening figure for many reasons but even he doesn’t deserve this torture.  Exposing government crimes is crucial for democracy to function.

53. The CIA torture report has still not been released.

54. Elizabeth Warren falsely claiming she’s part Indigenous.  Nope.  What you really are is cannon fodder for Donald Trump if you win the Democratic Presidential nomination in 2020.  Bernie can still win.

55. All the Facebook scandals.  Fuck Zuck.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Monday, December 31, 2018
8:04 p.m.

Standout Moments From 2018 – Part One (The Good)

1. Daniel Bryan was reinstated as an active professional wrestler and went on to win back the WWE Championship, a title he never lost four years ago.

2. The Clinton Affair, a stellar three-part A&E docuseries on former President Bill Clinton’s awful history of rape, abuse, harassment and imbalanced sexual relationships.  Monica Lewinsky candidly owns up to all the mistakes she made and comes off far better than the man who foolishly risked his legacy for side pussy.

3. A Quiet Place.  Clever and surprisingly poignant, an inventive take on the alien invasion genre.  The best use of silence since Signs.  For once, we get unsentimental characters with disabilities, flawed and temperamental, not inspirational saints.  The upcoming sequel has a lot to live up to.

4. The Democrats won back control of The House of Representatives.

5. Corporations can no longer through arbitration demand countries change laws interfering with their capitalistic ambitions, one of the few good things about the new USMCA trade agreement.

6. Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen were convicted.  Are Jared Kushner and Donald Trump Jr. next?

7. The easing of tensions between North & South Korea.  May it finally lead to the official end of the overlong Korean War.

8. Recreational marijuana is now legal in Canada.  Now stop arresting people for selling it without a license, legalize their shops, fix your supply issues, lower your prices and pardon/release everyone charged and convicted in the pointless Drug War.

9. CIA whistleblower Jeffrey Sterling was quietly released from prison.  He should never have been convicted in the first place.

10. Franz Ferdinand’s Always Ascending.  Still funky, still horny.

11. Croatia’s surprising run in the World Cup.  Despite being throttled by a determined France in the final match, the fact that they even made it this far, their best all-time showing, is inspiration for the next generation.

12. Jersey Shore: Family Vacation.  Skinny Vinnie.  Explanation face.  Angelina hasn’t gotten pounded in a long time.  French fry.  The Situation gets engaged.  Deena gets pregnant.  Sammi the love doll.  The missing wedding ring.  Twerking in Vegas.  Uncle Nino returns.  Ronnie’s psycho baby mama.  Ariana Sky. Vinnie’s sweet mother.  Ass cake.  Fighting, brawling, drinking, reconciling, roasting.  A show so action-packed and amusing, it had to be divided into two parts.  Funnier than most sitcoms.

13. The Great Return March.  Desperate Palestinian refugees in Gaza, determined to be recognized for their humanity and fed up with the illegal blockade, courageously protesting in the midst of fierce homicidal violence by Apartheid Israel.  They are heroes who deserve their freedom and dignity.

14. Albert Schultz was ousted by Soulpepper, the Canadian theatre troupe he co-founded after being accused of sexual harassment by multiple actresses who worked for the company.  He settled numerous lawsuits, as a result.

15. The remarkable rescue of a teenage soccer team stranded and trapped in a water-filled cave in Thailand.  Only one of the rescuers died in a tragic accident.  All the kids and their protective coach were safely retrieved and after a brief hospital stay, are now doing fine.

16. Bill Cosby was convicted of sexually assaulting Andrea Constand, the only entertainer in the #MeToo era to face any kind of genuine consequences for harming women.

17. Interpol’s Marauder.  Alternative rock isn’t dead yet.

18. CNN’s 1968.  A sprawling, four-part examination of one of the most influential years in American history.  A welcome expansion of the original Sixties episode that felt woefully incomplete.

19. The New York Times investigation into the Trump family’s long history of fraud in New York City.  It would’ve been nice to have done this, what, 20, 30 years ago when it would’ve mattered more.  There won’t be criminal charges because of the statute of limitations but by God, there should be plenty of lawsuits.  Overcharging seniors on fixed incomes is shameful.

20. Ronda Rousey’s electrifying debut at WrestleMania 34, in a mixed-tag match, no less.  Rousey and Kurt Angle defeated Triple H and Stephanie McMahon in a very entertaining 30-minute encounter that launched the former UFC Champion onto the short trek to a WWE World Championship.

21. All the other good & great movies I saw this year:  OJ: Made In America, Blade Runner 2049, Room 237, Akira (both English-language versions), Ghost In The Shell, Ghost In The Shell 2: Innocence, Pete’s Dragon (2016), Planet Of The Apes (1968), Night Of The Living Dead (1968), The Transporter, Suburbicon, The Ninth Gate, Before I Fall, Identity, Godzilla (2014), Festival Express, Rush: Beyond The Lighted Stage, The Abyss: Special Edition and Jurassic World.

22. John Kelly, Jim Mattis, Scott Pruitt, Jeff Sessions, Gary Cohn, Rex Tillerson and Ryan Zinke all exited The Trump Administration, most with tarnished reputations.  None will be missed.

23. Bruce MacArthur was finally arrested.  What took so long?

24. Les Moonves was tossed from CBS after numerous reports of him raping, harassing and retaliating against numerous women in the industry.  He was denied millions in compensation.  He should’ve never been elevated to such a powerful position.  Will he be prosecuted?

25. Virtue, the second CD from Julian Casablancas and The Voidz.  An eclectic mix of funk, punk, rock and soul from the leader of The Strokes.  The best album I heard all year featuring some of the prettiest melodies this decade.

26. Leah Remini – Scientology & The Aftermath.  More disheartening, gutwrenching revelations from former cult members.  When is the end coming for the diabolical Kerry Fraser doppelganger David Miscavige?

27. A suspect in the Golden State Killer case was finally arrested, one of the oldest cold cases in America.  Hopefully, he’s the guy.  We’ll find out soon enough.

28. The Parkland high school student protests against gun violence.  Someone has to challenge the NRA’s stranglehold on Congress.

29. Canada’s Paralympic Wheelchair Curling Team.  Going a brilliant 9 and 2 during the preliminary match-ups, this loveable fivesome of middle-aged athletes endeared an entire country with their touching back stories and Bronze medal victory.  They lost the fewest ends and won more ends than any other nation including the Gold-winning Chinese squad.

30. Roxy Music was inducted into The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.  About goddamn time.

31. Harvey Weinstein was arrested and charged with multiple counts of assault.  Even if he somehow survives, who would ever want to work with him again?

32. The J20 acquittals.  Protesting and journalism are not crimes.

33. Cesar Sayoc, the wannabe serial killer, was arrested after sending mail bombs to numerous high profile, public critics of President Trump.  Thankfully, no one was hurt or killed because they were intercepted in time.

34. The poorly attended Toronto show of the Bill & Hillary Clinton speaking tour.  Hundred dollar seats were slashed to single digits and that still didn’t attract more people.  Bernie would’ve won.

35. The Israel Lobby, the reportedly damning, undercover docuseries unaired by Al Jazeera, was leaked online and posted in full by The Electronic Intifada who did solid summary reporting on its revelations.  Why can’t we see this on Television?

36. The Canadian Olympic Team won 29 medals, the most ever for The Great White North.  If only we were as dominant in the summer games.

37. John Cena and Daniel Bryan refused to work the Crown Jewel event in Saudi Arabia and weren’t punished for taking a moral stand.  They should’ve boycotted The Greatest Royal Rumble, as well.

38. Lana Del Mar cancelled her gig in Apartheid Israel which greatly boosted the already thriving BDS movement, which makes Radiohead’s decision to go ahead with their performance last year even more unconscionable.

39. Alex Jones was kicked off of Facebook and Twitter after years of spreading misinformation and harming innocent people, like the parents of the slain kids in the horrific Sandy Hook Elementary School Massacre, which he absurdly and repeatedly declared “a hoax”.  Facing a slew of lawsuits, following an acrimonious divorce, his paranoid goose is cooked.

40. Kevin Spacey was arrested for molesting a teenager in 2016.  Not sure that weird Let Me Be Frank video was a good idea.

41. Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn vs. Daniel Bryan & Shane McMahon at WrestleMania 34.  A hot start, a very good match and a welcome return for the former American Dragon.

42. Eric Schneiderman was exposed as a violent misogynist and resigned as New York’s Attorney General.

43. Julia Salazar was elected to the New York State Senate.  She’s the only Democrat advocating for sex workers.  May she start a long overdue revolution in feminism.

44. Bad Witch by Nine Inch Nails.  Beneath the typically tuneful, noisy aggression, some surprising experimentation.  Who knew Trent Reznor could croon?

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Monday, December 31, 2018
7:42 p.m.

What Sucked In 2017

1. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan died.

2. President Trump’s racist travel ban on Muslims.  The first version caused needless chaos at America’s airports at the start of the year until it was stayed by numerous lower courts.  The second version was also rejected.  And while the third is also facing legal resistance, the Supreme Court has decided to keep parts of it active for the time being.  So many innocent people have suffered needless aggravation and turmoil because of a paranoid moron.

3. Fist Fight.  The worst film of the year.  Doesn’t Ice Cube get tired of playing the Angry Black Guy who scares white people?  Zero laughs.

4. Jinder Mahal became WWE Champion.  Why?

5. Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington committed suicide.  Depression is a bitch.

6. The Best Picture cock-up at the Academy Awards.  Warren Beatty grabbed the wrong envelope (Best Actress) and instead of going off-stage to grab the right one, he stalled and handed it off to an oblivious Faye Dunaway who announced the winner as La La Land even though Emma Stone’s name was also visible on the card.  La La Land’s producers were almost through with their acceptance speeches when the mistake was finally corrected live on-air.  Because of incredible incompetence, a special moment was ruined for the real winner, Moonlight, which had otherwise pulled off a rare Oscar upset.

7. HMV went bankrupt.  I bought so many CDs there over the years.  They had such good deals, too.  What a loss for music retail.

8. The Killers’ Wonderful, Wonderful.  False advertising.

9. John Cusack accidentally blocked me on Twitter.  Someone please tell him to remedy this injustice immediately!

10. The persecution of Reality Winner.  She doesn’t deserve prison for leaking to journalists and she shouldn’t be in custody.  She’s no threat to anyone.

11. Jonathan Demme died.

12. OJ Simpson got paroled.  Does anybody believe he’s been fully rehabilitated?

13. Tortured whistleblower Matt DeHart got 18 months cruelly added to his already questionable sentence.  The lack of mass public outrage for his infuriating case is astounding.

14. Bill Cosby wasn’t convicted for assaulting Andrea Constand, thanks to two jurors in denial.  Thankfully, he faces a re-trial next June.

15. Ex-drug warriors in Canada jumping on the upcoming marijuana legalization bandwagon.  I’m so old I remember when Julian Fantino claimed with a straight face that legalizing pot was the same as legalizing murder.  Now he’s about to cash in along with other former cops & politicos while longtime activists and people of colour continue to be persecuted for no good reason.  Disgusting.

16. The ongoing genocide of Rohingya Muslims in Myanmar.  Aun Sung Sui Kyi is no hero.  On her watch, innocent people are being brutally beaten, raped, tortured and murdered.  History will not be kind.

17. The murder of protester Heather Heyer during the Charlottesville protests.  White supremacy remains the most dangerous force in America.

18. Depeche Mode’s Spirit.  It doesn’t have any.  Easily, their worst album.

19. Julia-Louis Dreyfus was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Hope they caught it in time.

20. The Las Vegas shooting massacre where hundreds of country music fans were gunned down by a rich, disgruntled psychopath during an outdoor Jason Aldean show.  (His motive remains unknown.)  The Manchester shooting massacre where dozens of young Ariana Grande fans were murdered near the end of her UK show.  And the shooting massacre in a small American church where half of the small congregation were wiped out.  Toxic masculinity is terrorism.

21. Andre De Grasse hurt his hamstring which prevented him from running one last race against retiring track legend Usain Bolt during the World Championships.  The timing was awful.  In his last amateur competition, Bolt finished 3rd in the 100 metres.  De Grasse would’ve won.

22. The overexposure of Corey Graves on colour commentary on WWE television.  He’s supposed to be a heel yet he rags on Elias & a now-villainous Enzo Amore.  He’s not funny.  He gets into pointless arguments with his fellow announcers.  And he’s just plain annoying.  Matt Striker, all is forgiven.

23. Fifty Shades Darker.  Abusive relationships aren’t sexy.  And there’s still one more of these dangerous films to come.  Make it stop.

24. The endless smearing of Hillary Clinton’s growing list of critics.  It isn’t feminist to defend a war criminal.

25. The California wildfires.  Fort MacMurray 2016, only much worse.

26. Gord Downie died.

27. Jake Tapper attacked Linda Sarsour and the Women’s March movement on Twitter for honouring wrongly convicted revolutionary Assata Shakur, who escaped prison decades ago, on her birthday.  The nasally CNN blowhard trusts the FBI more than intelligent people.  Would you expect anything less from a Zionist?

28. Speaking of which, Apartheid Israel still illegally occupies Palestine with major financial support from several Western governments including my own.  Plus, Donald Trump announced America’s long established policy to move its embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, the latter of which he falsely declared the capital of the white supremacist state.  How long before a third intifada?

29. The political and criminal persecution of hundreds of #J20 protesters and journalists who covered the Inauguration Day march.  Even though it hasn’t led to serious, longterm prison sentences, the disquieting way it has been allowed to carry on for almost a year is an outrage.  Corporate media doesn’t care about human rights or independent journalists.

30. MSNBC broadcaster Joy Reid had to address old resurfaced blog entries that revealed she made homophobic remarks about Republican turned Democrat Charlie Crist.  I’m still waiting for her apology to Chelsea Manning.

31. Spain’s ruthless crackdown on Catalonia separatists.  Is it any wonder they want no part of your country?

32. Gitmo is still open with 41 prisoners remaining in legal limbo, most of whom are innocent.

33. The Phoenix pay system which has caused chaos for Canada’s public servants has still not been fixed two years after it was implemented.  Proposed by Stephen Harper’s Conservatives, it’s now become a Liberal problem for Justin Trudeau.  What exactly was wrong with the previous system?

34. The re-embracing of Bush-era neocon war criminals by both CNN and #TheResistance.  Any movement that believes Bill Kristol, Michael Hayden, David Frum and James Clapper are trustworthy progressive allies after all the damage they’ve done to innocent people is a movement that deserves endless ridicule and collective scorn.

35. Erica Garner, the daughter of wrongfully murdered Eric Garner, died.  The struggle for justice must go on.

36. The cop who killed Philando Castle won’t serve a day in prison.  At least he lost his job.

37. The ongoing harassment of journalist Barrett Brown by the Department of Justice and the Bureau of Prisons.  It’s never a good idea to pick a fight with a truthteller who knows your darkest secrets.

38. The backlash to Kathy Griffin regarding her provocative photo of her holding a bloody fake head of Donald Trump.  They acted like it was his real head.  As a result, she lost an endorsement deal, can’t get booked in an American venue to do stand-up and was fired from CNN.  She won’t be co-hosting their New Year’s Eve show this year.  At least Europe still loves her.

39. Gothamist and DNAInfo were shut down because their billionaire owner opposes journalists forming unions.  Regardless of your view of unions (there’s plenty to criticize), retaliation is never acceptable.

40. Underworld: Blood Wars and Resident Evil: The Final Chapter.  Two terrible endings to two terrible horror franchises.  Both Kate Beckinsale and Milla Jovovich, two talented actors, deserve so much better than to be stuck for over a decade in all this empty junk.

41. Monster Trucks.  It was completed years ago before being dumped without much applause in January.  Not even the wonderful Jane Levy could save this charmless shite.

42. Life, The Belko Experiment, XX and Rings.  What was that about a horror revival?  I’m not seeing it.

43. All the other terrible movies I saw this year:  Vampire’s Kiss, Head, A Hard Day’s Night, Help!, Over The Top, The Boss, Ghostbusters (2016), Beverly Hills Cop, Beverly Hills Cop II, Beverly Hills Cop III, The Purge: Election Year, Masterminds, Central Intelligence, Dirty Grandpa, Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates, Why Him?, Tusk, Yoga Hosers, McLintock!, High Spirits, Angry Birds, Hudson Hawk, Big Top Pee Wee, The Chaperone, Nine Lives, Ice Age: Collision Course, Superman III, Brewster’s Millions (1985), Cabin Fever, Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, The Marine, Airborne, Casino Royale (1967), Beat The Devil, The Perils Of Pauline, Step Up Revolution, Wet Hot American Summer, Night Of The Comet, 31, My Boyfriend’s Back, Pure Luck, Wolf Creek, Wolf Creek 2, CB4, Elephant Boy, Phantasm Ravager, Grizzly, Neon Maniacs, Feast, Dead Alive, Tales From The Hood, Cathy’s Curse (both versions), The Freshman (1925), College (1927), Our Hospitality, Steamboat Bill Jr., Booty Call, Peter Pan (1953), Tremors, Losin’ It, The Adventures Of Ford Fairlane, Jaws 3, Jaws The Revenge, Silent Night, Joe Dirt, Black Dog, The Remaining, Home, Vacation, Batman (1966), Storks, Jetsons: The Movie, The Secret Life Of Pets, Orca, Daddy Day Care, The ‘Burbs, Rudyard Kipling’s The Second Jungle Book – Mowgli & Baloo, The General, Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein and Blair Witch.

43. Sean Astin blocked me on Twitter.  Rudy, no!

44. All the botched reporting on the Trump/Russia investigation.  Woodward & Bernstein weren’t this sloppy covering Watergate.

45. I had a falling out with Eden Alexander because I criticized Hillary Clinton.  Twitter friendships are way too fragile.

46. Donald Trump’s dumb threats to North Korea.  He’s not the first US President to unwittingly convince that country to stock up on nukes.  Furthermore, the UN’s cruel sanctions won’t end the ebbing and flowing of stupid tension but it will needlessly hurt an innocent Korean population which is already happening.  A better idea would be to finally end the Korean War once and for all.

47. The Edmonton Oilers were eliminated in the second round of the 2017 Stanley Cup Playoffs after a tremendous season where they earned more than 100 points.  Bad refereeing, botched replay calls but also a lack of scoring when they needed it killed their first post-season in over a decade.  Next year’s prospects look bleaker.

48. Tom Petty died.

49. The endless jokes about Trump’s covfefe tweet.  He meant to write “coverage”, assholes.  Time to stop beating this dead horse.

50. All the hurricanes that hit the United States and Puerto Rico which still hasn’t fully recovered thanks to a negligent Trump Administration.

51. The ongoing drug war in the Philippines.  Duerte is a monster who needs to be held accountable.

52. Saudi Arabia’s devastating bombing campaign on Yemen which has led to a serious humanitarian crisis.  Why are Western governments still financially supporting this murderous, anti-democratic regime?  They have all blood on their hands.

53. Trump’s botched Yemen raids.  Civilian murders are rising and no one is raising hell about it.

54. The crackdown on Standing Rock protesters and journalists.  The way we continue to abuse Indigenous folks is an embarrassment and an outrage.  We’re a long way from reconciliation.

55. Sean Spicer and Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Frequently hostile to the press, shamelessly covering for a serial liar and completely discredited.

56. Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka died without facing justice for murdering Nancy Argentino.

57. Crying Ashley was acing her final drive on Canada’s Worst Driver without weeping a single tear until she nearly ran into two pedestrians.  Were it not for host Andrew Younghusband pointing them out, she wouldn’t have hit the brake in time.  After admirably overcoming her fears while driving, because of this unfortunate miscue, she wasn’t able to graduate.  So close.

58. The horrific Grenfell tower fire in the UK.  The most tragic thing about it, besides the needless loss of life and displaced citizens, is the fact that it was completely preventable.

59. CBC’s Power & Politics invited Gavin MacInnes on as a guest.  Never put a Nazi on TV unless you can destroy them completely.

60. Queens Of The Stone Age frontman Josh Homme kicked a photographer’s camera so hard it hit her right in the face during an annual KROQ concert.  He then cut his face until it was bloody and then mocked the mighty Muse, one of the other bands on the bill.  Two insincere apologies followed.  What is wrong with him?

61. All those horror stories from passengers of various American Airlines including that poor man, a doctor named David Dao, who was dragged off a United flight because he refused to give up his seat to an employee.  According to Wikipedia, he suffered “significant injuries as a result: a concussion, broken teeth, a broken nose, and other injuries”.  After initially victim-blaming him, the airline eventually apologized and settled a subsequent lawsuit.  We hate to fly and it shows.

62. All the men and women who suffered numerous indignities because of the powerful men who harassed and abused them in various professional fields.  So much talent forced out because of toxic masculinity.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Sunday, December 31, 2017
7:55 p.m.

What Rocked In 2017

1. Whistleblower Chelsea Manning was released from military prison after having her draconian 35-year sentence commuted by outgoing President Obama.  She should have never been convicted in the first place.

2. President Trump pulled the United States out of the Trans Pacific Partnership.  The only good thing he’s done for the working class.

3. Roy Moore did not become a Senator.  Unlike most observers, I wasn’t surprised at all.  He doesn’t believe women should work, vote or become politicians.  He hates Muslims.  He doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state.  He waxed nostalgic for the slave era.  As the Washington Post reported, he enjoyed stalking, harassing and assaulting teenage girls in his 30s.  And he’s a sore loser.  As of this writing, he still hasn’t conceded to incoming Senator Doug Jones.  In fact, despite the vote being officially certified, he has falsely asserted the accurate results were fraudulent because of, wait for it, Black people.

4. JBL finally left the commentary table on Smackdown Live after being a dick to Mauro Ranallo who ended up being moved to NXT.  His weekly obnoxiousness won’t be missed.  Added bonus: JBL blocked me on Twitter along with a whole lot of other folks.  Why?  Because we all tweeted positive things about Ranallo.  What a snowflake.

5. Anthony Scaramucci’s impromptu phone interview with Ryan Lizza of The New Yorker.  It cost him a communications job within the Trump Administration (he was fired before his first official day) but it was absolute gold.  Can Trump please re-hire him just for the material?

6. Martin Shkreli is in prison.  Too bad being a greedy asshole doesn’t result in a life sentence.

7. Queens Of The Stone Age’s Villains.  Still heavy and melodic but a lot funkier than usual.  Josh Homme emotes like no other.

8. Bill O’Reilly was fired from Fox News, but only after The New York Times revealed numerous multi-million dollar settlements he secretly made with women who accused him of sexual harassment and, in one case, verbal abuse, and ongoing pressure from a sort-of advertiser boycott (the ads were simply relocated to other Fox shows).  The once powerful bark has been reduced to an insignificant yelp.

9. The Festival Of Friendship on Monday Night Raw.  What does Chris Jericho get for humourously and touchingly work shooting his love and respect for “best friend” Kevin Owens?  A brutal beating and the loss of his US Championship at WrestleMania 33.  The high point of a very entertaining story.

10. Alien: Covenant.  Ridley Scott is incapable of making a bad Alien film.  Far scarier and gorier than its underappreciated predecessor, Prometheus.  Michael Fassbender impresses again, this time in two distinctive roles.  He should get nominated for an Oscar but won’t.

11. Coldplay’s Kaleidoscope EP.  In a year filled with so much bad news and haunting dread, leave it to Chris Martin and company to overwhelm you with their much needed inspirational beauty.  Your move, U2.

12. The new 280-character limit on Twitter.  How maddening it had been trying to précis your thoughts to one or several users with 140 and include a link so they would all fit in a single tweet.  I hate restrictions.  Now how about adding an Edit button?

13. Bernie Sanders’ Medicare For All push which attracted widespread support from Americans and even some prominent Democrats.  What was once considered impossible is now quite doable.  He would’ve won.

14. Raging racist Marine Le Pen did not become the President of France.  But she connected with more voters than her equally racist father.  The future might be more ominous.

15. “Who wants to walk with Elias?”  I pop every time.

16. The summer eclipse.  In some parts of Canada and the US, it was total.  In others, you could still see part of the sun.  The coolest part for my family was seeing it through a miniature light show in our downstairs bathroom.  Imagine seeing tiny circles shaped by growing then departing shadows off and on for hours.  Pretty nifty.

17. Project Veritas tried to fool The Washington Post into believing that one of their dopey undercover operatives had been impregnated by a young Roy Moore.  Not only were they not fooled, they exposed the inept scam in two viral articles.  The value of skeptical journalism writ large.

18. Donald Trump fired FBI Director James Comey.  This overrated fascist supported heartless stings on vulnerable Muslims, secretly infilitrating Black Lives Matter and defended agents impersonating journalists.  Good riddance.

19. The two-part A&E Elizabeth Smart documentary.  A remarkable young woman and her loving family recall her nine months of torture as a teen in the captivity of a hypocritical rapist.  Despite all the horror, vividly retold in unflinching detail, the shocking story has a happy ending.  She’s blissfully married with two kids, wrote a best-selling, acclaimed book about her ordeal and advocates for victims while her attacker is in prison for life.  Justice.

20. Big Wreck’s Grace Street.  Their third rocking album since their welcome reunion.  Now middle-aged, Ian Thornley, the Canadian Chris Cornell, is still angst-ridden and heartbroken.  I wouldn’t want him any other way.

21. Jeremy Corbyn’s strong showing in the UK election.  He singlehandedly exposed the media and the Tories for what they really are:  substantially weakened, morally bankrupt neoliberals.  Theresa May’s poor judgment as Prime Minister (she thought it was a good idea to call this election well before she had to) has sealed her fate.  Her forthcoming resignation is an inevitability.  The future is Labour.

22. Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles at WrestleMania 33.  The opening match which had one of the weakest builds of the year still somehow ended up being the best encounter of the entire show, one of the better events in recent years.  Shane O’Mac has redeemed himself after putting over The Undertaker in that lousy Hell In A Cell match.

23. Leah Remini: Scientology & The Aftermath.  David Miscavige’s worst nightmare.  Season one won a much deserved Emmy.  Season two should nab one, as well.  (What a gut wrenching series of shows it showcased.)  It’s not a benign church, it’s a ruthless, capitalistic cult that ruins lives.

24. The President Show.  Forget Alec Baldwin.  Anthony Atamaniuk’s pitch perfect Trump impersonation is far superior and darker.  The media-hungry leader of America gets the comic drubbing he deserves in the form of a fake talk show co-hosted with his own ass-kissy sidekick, Vice President Mike Pence (wonderfully shameless and secretly conniving Peter Grosz holding his own).  So, when’s fake Bernie Sanders getting his own show?

25. Foo Fighters’ Concrete & Gold.  A welcome return to rollicking form after the disappointing Sonic Highways experiment.

26. The downfalls of Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Mark Schwahn, Jeremy Piven, Dustin Hoffman, Jeffrey Tambor, Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Mario Batali, Israel Horowitz, James Toback, Louis CK, Mark Halperin, Danny Masterson, Al Franken and many, many others thanks to numerous reported accusations of sexual harassment and assault by hundreds of women and dozens of men.  A long overdue reckoning.  This is only the beginning.

27. Bowe Bergdahl was released from military prison.

28. Split.  Proof that The Visit was not a fluke.  M. Night Shyamalan has indeed revitalized his creativity by focusing more on his own complex characters than getting lost in big budget special effects.  James McAvoy delivers a memorable performance as a deeply troubled man with two dozen distinctive personalities.  And Bjork doppelganger Anya Taylor-Joy is also good as one of his troubled, kidnapped victims.  Along with her very fine appearance in The Witch, she’s a star in the making.

29. All the other wonderful movies I screened this year:  The Skeleton Key, Dirty Wars, Citizenfour, Life Itself, Heavy Metal, Gimme Shelter, Jimi At Monterey, A Christmas Carol (2009), The Shining, The Adventures Of Milo & Otis, Diamonds Are Forever, The Man With The Golden Gun, The Spy Who Loved Me, Moonraker, A View To A Kill, Dominion: Prequel To The Exorcist, Purple Rain, Class Of 1984, Firestarter, Neil Young: Heart Of Gold, Neil Young Journeys, Rust Never Sleeps, Ladies & Gentlemen The Rolling Stones, Katy Perry: Part Of Me, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, The Jungle Book (1967), The Witch, The Last Waltz, The Stranger (1946), Hitchcock, Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films, Whirlpool, Interstellar, Rocky Balboa, Twilight Zone – The Movie, All Things Must Pass, Nosferatu The Vampyre, Metallica: Through The Never, Streets Of Fire and Eddie & The Cruisers.

30. The Arcade Fire’s Everything Now.  More moving, well-crafted brilliance from Canada’s best band.  My favourite album of the year.

31. A&E’s superb Drew Peterson docuseries.  Despite being a foolish philanderer, it seems highly improbable that he murdered his pregnant wife.  What a miscarriage of justice.  He must be freed.

32. #MeToo.

33. Don Meredith, a married anti-sex preacher, resigned from the Canadian Senate two years after being exposed by The Toronto Star and The Globe & Mail as both a serial sexual harasser and a predator of a young teenage girl.  Stephen Harper sure knows how to pick ’em, doesn’t he?

34. Once wrongly incarcerated at Gitmo for over a decade until his release last year, Mohamedou Slahi’s best-selling but heavily redacted Guantanamo Diary was finally released without the redactions.  I would like to read it.

35. Robyn Doolittle’s Unfounded series in The Globe & Mail.  Sexual assault has not been taken seriously by Canada’s police departments for far too long.  And now, thanks to Doolittle’s dogged reporting, a number of them, including the RCMP, are re-examining their decision to drop so many investigations based on flimsy, sexist assumptions.  We’ll see if victims will finally see justice now.

36. Nine Inch Nails’ Add Violence EP.  Tortured emotions you can dance to.

37. The fall of Milo, the billionaire-financed racist transphobic dickwad who was one of the architects of the long discredited and dangerous GamerGate.  He got turfed from Twitter, lost his book deal (it was released independently and instantly bombed) and got fired from Breitbart (the far right website that launched him) because he condones predatory behaviour of underage boys.  He also couldn’t properly organize a “free speech” event featuring similar right-wing dopes, doesn’t write his own garbage (he has a team of ghostwriters, the lazy cunt), does karaoke with Nazis and his book editor’s harsh comments about his trashed book publicly surfaced.  The sooner he goes away forever, the better.

38. Toronto FC won their first MLS Championship.  The franchise isn’t even a decade old.

39. Impractical Jokers.  The Moronic Beatles of hardcore hidden camera improv.  Even the reruns are funny.  Larry!

40. Braun Strowman, especially when he was beating down Roman Reigns on Raw.  A monster heel with extreme agility who’s on the verge of being world champion some day soon.

41. Ariana Grande’s kindness towards the surviving victims who attended her Manchester show and were shot by a mass shooter.  And that tender moment where she stepped in for a young girl who was overcome with emotion while singing with a choir during a benefit concert following the tragedy.  Compassion is good.  We need a lot more of it.

42. The women of the Canadian Home Shopping Channel.  They should rename it The Milf Channel.  Oh my!

43. Colin Kaepernick’s quiet protest against police brutality.  He might no longer be a quarterback in the NFL but his kneeling during the national anthem has become a powerful statement against white supremacy.  We haven’t heard the last from him.

44. Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg at WrestleMania 33.  They accomplished more in five minutes than the entirety of their hesitant, meaningless encounter at Wrestlemania 20.

45. Michael Flynn, Omarosa, Sean Spicer, Steve Bannon, Reince Priebus and Tom Price all left The Trump Administration, some in absolute disgrace.  Expect more exits and embarrassing revelations in 2018.

46. Omar Khadr finally got compensation and an apology from the Canadian government for his wrongful incarceration at Gitmo and the horrific abuse he suffered for a decade.  May he live the rest of his life in peace.

47. Christy Clark is no longer the Premier of British Columbia.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Sunday, December 31, 2017
7:20 p.m.

A Tribute To Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

“You listen to me, you’ll go straight to the top!  You don’t listen to me, you’ll never be heard from again!”

In the golden era of the manager, played by usually retired or semi-retired wrestlers who were exceptional talkers and could advocate for younger talent who couldn’t do it themselves, no one was more exceptional than Bobby Heenan.  Although, few remember his matches, everybody remembers his promos and colour commentary.  He would go on to inspire a legion of imitators, none of whom could top him.

Nicknaming himself “The Brain” for his supposed managerial genius (he was originally Pretty Boy but had to change it because that was also Larry Hennig’s gimmick), the fans preferred “Weasel” thanks to Dick The Bruiser who kept calling him that during his first year in the American Wrestling Association way back in 1974.  (Heenan’s career as a wrestler/manager began almost a decade earlier.)  Bruiser and his tag team partner The Crusher were feuding with Heenan’s team of Nick Bockwinkel and Ray “The Crippler” Stevens at the time.  Both monikers would survive the entirety of Heenan’s career in professional wrestling.

A natural heel with a very sharp sense of humour, the blonde motormouth who often wore glittery sports jackets had an uncanny knack of drawing heat for himself and the numerous wrestlers he represented.  When Bockwinkel and Stevens split, Heenan guided the former to several AWA world titles.  (He also advocated for the AWA tag champions Bobby Duncum Sr. and Blackjack Lanza.)  In 1983, Bockwinkel faced a popular new challenger in Hulk Hogan.  It began a long-running storyline feud between The Brain and the future megastar which carried over into the WWF shortly thereafter.  (Ironically, they were friends in real-life although they did have their tense moments.)

It was there in New York that Heenan truly shined.  In 1984, he stood in the corner for Ken Patera (who he also managed in the AWA) and Big John Studd as they took on Andre The Giant and S.D. Jones in an infamous TV tag match.  At one point, Heenan climbed onto the apron and handed Studd a pair of scissors.  What followed was the humiliation of The Eighth Wonder Of The World as his unruly head of curly hair was severely cut by both Studd & Patera who claimed his long locks as trophies.  Vince McMahon oversold the moment as the “raping” of Andre’s dignity.

Studd’s ongoing gimmick of offering $15000 (it was originally $10000) to anyone who could slam him (and then reneging on the deal when a few were able to do it) led to a match with Andre at the first WrestleMania.  If Andre couldn’t slam Studd within an hour time limit, he’d have to retire.  He scooped him up and threw him to the mat in less than 10 minutes.  As Andre was trying to throw the money to the ringside fans from a tiny WWF gym bag it was stored in, a frantic Heenan flew into the ring to snatch it from him before it was all gone.

The Heenan/Andre feud would carry on into the summer of 1985 when during a match with Studd in Toronto’s old Maple Leaf Gardens, King Kong Bundy would jump into the ring to prevent The Giant from giving Studd a haircut of his own.  Heenan ordered the bald Bundy to splash Andre whose legs were being held down by Studd.  As Bundy jumped into the air, The Brain would sometimes give him an extra push while he was in mid-air as he repeatedly landed on the helpless Giant’s chest.

A similar moment occurred during a TV segment that same year when Heenan was announced as the Manager Of The Year but because Hillbilly Jim gave his votes to Lou Albano, the “Captain” became the official winner instead.

Rightly infuriated, Heenan demanded his own brand of justice.  Studd tackled Jim and held down his legs as Bundy splashed him several times before the ring was cleared by babyface wrestlers from the backstage area, just like in Toronto.

During Hogan’s title defense against The Magnificent Muraco on Saturday Night’s Main Event in early 1986, Heenan mysteriously replaced Mr. Fuji as his cornerman.  And after he caused the beach bum’s disqualification, Bundy saved him from being choked out by the world champion.  Heenan then instructed Bundy and Muraco to do their worst to Hogan.  Lots of avalanches and splashes followed.  This set up the steel cage match between Hogan & Bundy at WrestleMania 2.  After he retained the title, Hogan got his revenge by atomic dropping, punching and whipping The Brain against the steel structure.  Nothing pleased a crowd more than watching The Weasel get his long overdue comeuppance.  It happened a lot.

When Andre returned, he would find a succession of partners to challenge Studd & Bundy for more than a year.  When The Masked Superstar (the future Demolition Ax) and Blackjack Mulligan (Bray Wyatt and Bo Dallas’ grandfather) were repackaged as The Super and Big Machines in 1986, Andre donned a mask himself and became The Giant Machine, a gimmick he recycled for stints in Japan.  The Machines & “Captain” Lou Albano (with a masked Andre in their corner) took on Studd, Bundy & Heenan himself in a six-man encounter at The Big Event in Toronto’s Exhibition Stadium.  The Heenan Family won by DQ.

In a surprise twist at the start of 1987, Andre would turn heel by aligning with Heenan in the build to his world title match against former friend Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania 3.  Andre would famously lose that match (The Brain desperately complained for a year that the early false finish was really a three-count) but after Heenan sold his contract to Ted DiBiase he would win the rematch through a screw-job during the live Main Event broadcast the following year.

During this same period, Heenan managed Paul “Mr. Wonderful” Orndorff.  After Orndorff & Roddy Piper lost to Hogan & Mr. T in the main event of the first WrestleMania, The Brain accidentally noted on TNT that he talked match strategy without the presence of his client.  Deeply offended and already feeling humiliated by being abandoned by Piper and bodyguard Bob Orton in Madison Square Garden, Mr. Wonderful fired him.  But the following year, after Orndorff turned on Hogan during a TV tag match against Studd & Bundy, they reconciled.  Orndorff would unsuccessfully challenge Hogan in a series of world title matches which included the main event of The Big Event and the steel cage match on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

When Heenan started representing “Ravishing” Rick Rude and started comparing Orndorff unfavourably to him, Mr. Wonderful fired him again and briefly aligned with Oliver Humperdink before leaving the company following the first Survivor Series where he once again became a Hogan ally.

After spending almost two years in prison under questionable circumstances, a now babyface and no longer blonde Ken Patera returned to feud with The Brain, his former manager, and various members of The Heenan Family in the summer of 1987.  In the storyline, Heenan abandoned his former charge, leaving him to rot.  The former Olympic strongman challenged him to a TV debate which led to Heenan ultimately wearing a neck brace long after he needed to.

When former eight-time NWA world champion Harley Race joined the WWF in 1986 and eventually became The King, Heenan stood in his corner until an accident during a Hulk Hogan match led to his retirement two and a half years later.  And no, he didn’t have surgery at the hands of The Immortal One, as The Brain humourously unintentionally asserted in a promo.

At the end of 1988, Heenan made another questionable deal with DiBiase.  He sold Hercules to him so The Million Dollar Man could have a slave which led to a mercifully brief program.

After nearly five years without managing a champion, Heenan finally had something to brag about in 1989.  He helped Rude beat The Ultimate Warrior at WrestleMania 5 for the InterContinental Championship (Warrior regained it at SummerSlam thanks to the antics of Piper who became an enemy of The Heenan Family) while The Brain Busters (Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson) were able to dethrone the then-longest reigning world tag title holders Demolition during a Saturday Night’s Main Event taping.

When Ax & Smash regained the belts shortly thereafter, Heenan teamed Andre with Haku (who previously teamed with another Heenan Family member Tama) to form The Colossal Connection who won back the straps at the end of the year.  During a WrestleMania 6 rematch in 1990, after Demoltion won the titles for a third and final time, a pissed off Andre who was never tagged in (he was too hurt to bump) finally disassociated from The Brain, a routine that was repeated in a series of subsequent house shows that ended The Giant’s long in-ring career.

Another client who turned on Heenan was Terry Taylor who The Brain renamed The Red Rooster, one of the lamer nicknames in wrestling history.  Taking credit for his early undefeated streak while frequently knocking his abilities, a boiling point was reached during Saturday Night’s Main Event when Heenan’s tirades were aired during the match.  (He was miked for the whole segment.)

After Tito Santana beat him, Heenan ripped into Taylor who retaliated by decking him.  During a later Prime Time Wrestling interview with Gorilla Monsoon, Heenan’s new protégé Steve Lombardi (renamed The Brooklyn Brawler) attacked both men setting up a long series of matches between the two that were mostly won by Taylor.  At WrestleMania 5, Taylor, still going by the Rooster name and now with a silly dyed red faux hawk, easily defeated his former manager in a very quick in-ring encounter.

Things got a lot better for Heenan when he started managing Mr. Perfect Curt Hennig (Pretty Boy Larry’s son later known as The Ax) and guided him to two InterContinental Championship reigns in 1990.  That is, until he started feuding with Ric Flair.  The Nature Boy lost a losers leaves WWF match on Raw to Hennig in 1993 and so The Brain started representing “The Narcissist” Lex Luger who went after Hennig in his place.

Because of his quick wit and intelligent promos, Heenan was paired with both Gorilla Monsoon, his real-life pal, and later Vince McMahon at the commentary table.  The self-professed broadcast journalist would playfully antagonize an always exasperated Monsoon during their many appearances on Wrestling Challenge, Prime Time Wrestling (which spawned The Bobby Heenan Show) and taped house shows at Maple Leaf Gardens, Boston Garden and Madison Square Garden.  Monsoon’s constant refrain of “Would you stop?” whenever The Brain would get under his skin, lie or say something that bothered him was a staple of their endlessly entertaining schtick.

As a kid, I tended to prefer Monsoon and Jesse Ventura, incidentally the first guy Heenan managed in the WWF.  But as a man, there’s no question that Heenan and Monsoon were the best of their era.  When he wasn’t being the Rickles of wrestling, Heenan could masterfully and succinctly assess a wrestler whether he liked them or not.  When he noted The Undertaker’s Frankenstein-like invincibility, he famously asserted, “He’s not human.”  His outspokenness often got him into trouble like the many times he upset The Big Boss Man for mocking his mother which led to a brief storyline.

During the 1992 30-man Royal Rumble match, Heenan was at his memorable best when he shamelessly shilled for The Real World’s Champion Ric Flair who drew number 3 in the draw and ultimately won the vacant world title by being the last man standing.  Heenan’s humourously pleading “be fair to Flair” routine was so good (he’s in a perpetual panic for the entire hour), the entire match was included on a WWE DVD dedicated to his career.  (The entertaining accompanying documentary reveals his utterly charming devotion to his wife and daughter, quite the contrast from his roasty on-camera persona.)

In December 1993, Heenan was literally tossed off Monday Night Raw so he could take a break and recover from a longstanding neck injury.  But in early 1994, he would start working for WCW which allowed him to be closer to his family.  The Brain’s commentary stint there wasn’t nearly as effective as it was in the WWF.  With no Monsoon to drive crazy, it just wasn’t the same.  Dusty Rhodes, Larry Zbyszko, Mongo McMichael and Tony Schiavone were all unsuitable replacements.  The chemistry so easily achieved with his old friend just wasn’t there in the new environment.

The most memorable moments involved an accident and an impromptu eulogy.  Brian Pillman didn’t realize that Heenan was not to be touched which led to a live on-air expletive (Pillman later apologized) and when Gorilla Monsoon died in 1999, Heenan insisted this be acknowledged on the air even though his longtime friend wasn’t a WCW employee.  He later left the commentary table and wept.  (During his 2004 WWE Hall of Fame speech, in a touching conclusion, he wished that Monsoon had been there to see him be inducted.)

As he noted in one of his two autobiographies, Heenan’s experience in WCW was far from positive.  He was let go in early 2000, a year before the struggling company was bought out by Vince McMahon.

After that, The Brain would make infrequent on-camera appearances.  He did guest commentary with Mean Gene Okerlund at WrestleMania 17 during the very short gimmick battle royal (they also found themselves caught in the act with The Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young) and also worked brief stints with the XWF (where he reunited with Curt Hennig), Ring Of Honor (where he feuded with Jim Cornette) and TNA (where he attempted to represent Bobby Roode).

In 2002, Heenan’s charmed life changed forever when he was first diagnosed with throat cancer, a cruel twist of fate for a talented man who depended so much on the strength and bluster of his voice.  The consequences of that diagnosis would greatly affect his physical appearance and the sounds emanating from his lightning quick mind.  He would never fully recover.

Earlier today, after years of surgeries to repair his jaw and numerous damaging falls, Heenan died suddenly at the age of 72 surrounded by close family including his wife of nearly 40 years, Cynthia, and his only child, Jessica, who bore him his only grandchild, Austin, who is not yet 10.

As expected, tributes from some of the biggest names in wrestling past and present have been glowing and with good reason.  Bobby Heenan played a major role in the evolution of the business.  He began working in the WWF just as it was about to make its national expansion.  He helped elevate numerous talents whether they could speak or not.  And he could take a bump over and over again even if most of them were as a manager.  No one could turn an audience against him quite as quickly and as effectively as The Brain did.

Heenan never had a five-star classic as an in-ring grappler.  You can’t achieve that with Weasel Suit matches.  But he didn’t need to.  Heenan was first and foremost a talker, a great talker, one you looked forward to hearing every week.  Sure, he derided you as a humanoid and ham ‘n egger for rooting for the babyfaces that often went to war with his Family members and did dastardly things to make his clients happy and successful.  But he kept you laughing and laughing some more.  And he was smart.  Every time he offered an observation, you listened.  The WWE would not be where it is today were it not for him.

Throughout the history of wrestling, there have been great talkers, managers and commentators.  Bobby “The Brain” Heenan was all three at once.

Rest in peace, Weasel.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Monday, September 18, 2017
2:14 a.m.

CORRECTIONS:  Bobby Heenan was actually 72, not 73.  And he married his wife Cynthia in 1978, not 1974.  The text has been corrected.  My apologies for the mistakes.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Monday, September 18, 2017
11:41 p.m.

UPDATE:  The cause of death, according to The Tampa Bay Times, was “organ failure caused by throat cancer”.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Thursday, September 21, 2017
4:04 a.m.

In An Attempt To Ban Overzealous Trump Supporters, John Cusack Accidentally Blocks 2 Journalists On Twitter. I’m One Of Them.

Being blocked by a celebrity on Twitter is something of a surreal experience.  Out of the thousands of mentions and messages they receive daily, somehow you’ve managed to break through and be acknowledged.  But then, just as quickly, rejected.

Sometimes, there’s a response before you get blocked.  Sometimes, nothing at all.

Usually, when I get blocked by a famous person, there’s a good reason for it:  I’ve pissed them off.

As I noted in this space four years ago, Obama apologist Sophia Bush wasn’t terribly thrilled with my harsh criticisms of her.  After lamely engaging with me twice, she ignored me for a couple of months.  Then, fed up with more criticism, I was blocked.

After arguing with Rosie O’Donnell about an article Radley Balko wrote in The Washington Post, she blocked me, too.

Porn star Eden Alexander, who I was friendly with for years on Twitter, didn’t realize I’m anti-Hillary Clinton (my roughly 800 followers know this wasn’t exactly a state secret) until I pointed out to her the former Secretary of State’s questionable human rights record.  After noting her awful history of espousing policies that disproportionately hurt already suffering people of colour, according to Alexander, an Asian-American, I was exercising my “white privilege”.  Then, she blocked me.  We haven’t spoken since.

I didn’t even realize Bill Cosby was aware of me until out of curiosity I checked his account to see if he was publicly addressing the numerous women who’ve accused him of sexual assault.  Barely active on the social network, I was shocked to see he had blocked me.  I didn’t realize he knew I had been tweeting article after article about his predatory behaviour.  When I was younger, I was a huge fan of his.  But way too slowly over time, as an adult, I’ve eventually grown appalled by his actions.  Honestly, I’m pretty proud of that block.

The same thing happened with Jerry “The King” Lawler.  He was accused by his girlfriend of physical abuse and I tweeted some articles about the incident.  (The matter was eventually dropped altogether.)  That was enough to get me blocked.  John “Bradshaw” Layfield apparently doesn’t like people who support Mauro Ranallo, the former Smackdown Live play-by-play announcer he once worked with and allegedly bullied.  (Ranallo has since resurfaced on NXT.)  I was one of many who suddenly found themselves unable to read his tweets, even though I have never engaged with him on Twitter.

How weird to be blocked by two former colour commentators on Raw.

Harry Potter author JK Rowling doesn’t like those who support BDS for a free Palestine so she blocked me.  I still don’t know why Wil Wheaton won’t allow me to see his tweets any more.  I was actually following him for a while.

Certain journalists aren’t too fond of me, either.

I don’t remember what I did to annoy Tom Hawthorn years ago.  But he blocked me.

Cancer survivor and Boing Boing journo Xeni Jardin, who I otherwise had positive exchanges with, didn’t appreciate my listing of Obama’s worst policies, so, she rescinded my follow and shut the blinds on her tweets.

The Huffington Post’s Lauren Duca had some mysterious issue with me which led to me being blocked by her.  But, much to my surprise, I’m now unblocked.

I’m pretty sure the reason Alexa O’Brien temporarily blocked me was because I’m an Edward Snowden supporter.  Her animus towards him is baffling considering her strong, unquestioning backing of the recently released Chelsea Manning.  (I’ve been a Manning champion, as well.)  We had nothing but pleasant conversations, too.  Strange.

Arthur Chu and Media Matters For America’s Oliver Willis, who I called a “transphobic moron” for his anti-Manning views, don’t want anything to do with me, either.  (The feeling is mutual.)  I blocked Warren Kinsella, the controversial Liberal strategist, before he curiously blocked me.  Used to be friendly with him, too.  Not anymore.

Disappointingly, I can now add John Cusack to this growing list.

Recently, the actor (whose best movie remains The Grifters) and political activist (he was a Bernie Sanders supporter during the 2016 election) decided to mass block a number of overzealous Donald Trump “trolls”, as he frequently describes them, who have been swarming his timeline for months.  (Before that, he had been responding critically to some here and there.)  Unfortunately, this decision has led to some Trump critics getting blocked, as well.  Cusack seemed to anticipate this in a couple of subsequent tweets:

“Block lists have weeded out many of the [Trump] troll bots – but I’m sure some [were] blocked who aren’t trolls so sorry!”

“If you know any non maga [Trump’s campaign slogan, ‘Make America Great Again’] trolls who want to be unblocked let me know – ”

Shadowproof managing editor Kevin Gosztola was puzzled by his blocking, as I was by mine.  Considering the fact that I have been nothing but supportive of Cusack (we’ve had few exchanges but they’ve all been friendly), I’m more than a little miffed by his sudden rejection of my follow.  How did I, and Gosztola for that matter, end up on a Trump troll block list when neither of us have exactly been gung-ho for this misogynistic, racist, serial abuser?

Anyway, the longer I’m blocked by Cusack without explanation, the more irritated and offended I feel by his mistake.  I asked Gosztola on Twitter if Cusack unblocked him yet.  He didn’t respond.

What’s really ironic about all of this?  Like Xeni Jardin, Cusack’s on the board of the Freedom Of The Press Foundation.

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Thursday, July 6, 2017
2:52 a.m.

UPDATE:  Cusack had unwittingly blocked a third journalist, Luke Savage, who noted with irony today that the actor was nonetheless still tweeting out his articles.  After word got back to Cusack, he thankfully unblocked him.  As Savage remarked in a tweet, “I like John Cusack. Blockchains are bad, folks.”

So, when am I going to get unblocked?

Dennis Earl
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Friday, January 12, 2018
6:52 p.m.