Jack

When I graduated from Mohawk College in the spring of 1996, I had completed 16 consecutive years of schooling.  I was exhausted and needed a break in the worst way.  While I continued volunteering at Mohawk’s campus radio station for the next 2 years (until a dispute with the station manager inspired me to quit on the air in September 1998) and would end up reading news and sports updates for Cable 14 later that year (that lasted until 1997 when I quit that, as well), I decided to continue to go to the movies.  I was having no luck finding a gig anywhere so I focused on improving my writing and critical thinking skills.

 

I wanted to be a movie critic so bad I started faxing my unsolicited reviews to The Hamilton Spectator who, by that time, didn’t have a local critic and instead relied on Roger Ebert’s work.  My plan was to see movies before they officially opened, write a review quickly and then send it off to The Spec hoping they would be so impressed they would have to publish it.  How did I achieve this?  By attending sneak preview screenings.

 

A week before it was to open, I saw Francis Ford Coppola’s Jack at the Jackson Square Cinemas.  This movie puzzled people, including me.  Why was the guy who gave us Apocalypse Now doing a rather routine Robin Williams rapid-aging comedy?  Reviews were brutal but the film did make money (roughly 60 million, surprisingly).

 

Personally, critics were overly rough on this one (although, I was pretty tough on it myself, I have to admit).  There are some good performances here and if they weren’t here, the movie would’ve been a hell of a lot worse than it ended up being.  After screening it, I wrote a succinct review, faxed it off to The Spec without calling ahead (the coward’s way) and never heard back.  This was the last of 4 such reviews I submitted in 1996, all of which were rejected.  After this, I pretty much gave up.  It didn’t help that my OCD was really starting to bother me (but I wouldn’t figure that all out for several years) and generally, I was in an awful place.

 

Coppola must’ve taken the criticism of his movie to heart because he quickly followed Jack with a much better film, John Grisham’s The Rainmaker, which was released in 1997.   (It’s a solid thriller.  I recommend it.)

 

I’m particularly proud of my assessment of Jennifer Lopez’s performance in this movie.  She had only made a few other films before Jack (the terrific My Family among them) and here, she makes a strong impression in a bad film.  I mention in the review that she had signed on to play the slain Latina star Selena "in an upcoming biopic".  Remember, she was not yet a star when Jack came out so it feels good to single her out before that happened.

 

This is a previously unpublished review from August 1996.

 

HIT THE ROAD, JACK!

Coppola’s latest about as fun as removing a planter’s wart

 

JACK

Jackson Square, Fiesta Mall, Burlington Mall and Limeridge Mall. 

Starring: Robin Williams, Diane Lane, Jennifer Lopez and Bill Cosby.

PG.

 

**/*****

By Dennis Earl

 

Jack Powell is a 10-year-old with a constant, nagging problem.  He has a rare aging disease, one that accelerates his growth 4 times faster than everybody else.  By the time he graduates from high school, he’ll be 18 but he’ll look and function like an unfit 72-year-old.  Right now, he looks like a 40-year-old man with a 5 o’clock shadow and a receding hairline, but as portrayed by the great Robin Williams (an underrated dramatic actor), he’s an exuberant, horny pre-pubescent with a love for Penthouse pets, smelly farts, and expensive toys.  He’s 10, alright.

 

That’s not the only obstacle he has to overcome, though.  This year, for the first time in his entire life, he’s attending public school.  Prior to this, he had been educated by Mr. Woodruff (Bill Cosby in a fine, understated performance, for a change), a private tutor who comes to his parents’ lavish home every afternoon to teach history and offer advice.  Jack has never interacted with his peers.  In fact, he’s never left the house on his own.  It’s a struggle, at first, but Jack, gradually, learns to enjoy the 5th Grade and the kids around him.  (The kids overcome their prejudices and he loses his shy persona.  What a surprise!)

 

The movie JACK is intended to be a predictable, mushy, feel-good, sentimental piece of crap and nothing more.  I’m happy to announce that the filmmakers have accomplished their goal.  It’s hard to believe that this inane and, at times, disgusting film was directed by the same man who brought us THE CONVERSATION, THE GODFATHER TRILOGY and APOCALYPSE NOW.  Yes, I’m talking about Francis Ford Coppola.  The acclaimed director has made a film that is about as fun to watch as having a planter’s wart removed.  He has taken 8 steps backward for progressive filmmaking and I’m not sure if he can return to form.  Is he past his prime?  I don’t know.

 

What makes the film somewhat watchable are the fine performances by Williams, Cosby, Jennifer Lopez, and Diane Lane.  Lopez (MONEY TRAIN), who has signed on to play the late singing sensation, Selena, in an upcoming biopic, is sweet and tender as Jack’s 5th Grade teacher.  She is a beautiful and intelligent young actress who has a lot of charm and screen presence.  She’s sweet without rotting your teeth.  There’s a scene late in the film (which is too long, by the way) where a mesmerized Jack asks her out to the school dance and even though she is one of his big supporters, she says no.  A lesser actor would’ve come across as a patronizing phony.  But not Lopez.  She tells Jack exactly why she can’t go out with him (the age difference) and despite her honest and sensitive tone, the rejection tears up the insides of our innocent hero.  But don’t worry.  His best friend’s mother (played by the always fetching Fran Drescher), who thinks he’s the principal of this school (don’t ask), is more than willing to squeeze the virginity out of him.

 

Diane Lane is warm and understanding in her role as Jack’s overprotective mother.  While his Dad is out on photo shoots, Lane is there to keep her son safe from the outside world and to love him like no other Mom can.  She is not afraid to look downright goofy in order to keep her son royally amused.  Her performance is better than the part as written.

 

JACK is a sitcom pretending to be a film that unsuccessfully recycles elements from THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME (a better family film than this one), THE FLY II and, of course, BIG.  Were it not for the above-mentioned performances, (especially Williams who talks in a deep, little boy voice and is at one with nature) this unfunny comedy would be an outright disaster.  As it stands, it is so-so.  Still, I think Coppola should’ve declined this offer (which I’m sure was more than generous) and given us another exquisite epic.  That is his forte.  Comedy is not.

 

Dennis Earl

Hamilton, Ontario, Canada

Monday, May 29, 2006

12:13 a.m.